Everything I'm Not

Striving for Perfection

2012-01-14T08:01:00.000-08:00

First week of school down, and only 10 to go. It seems like a long time but I know the weeks will go by fast. They always do.

I am taking World Cuisine and Latin Cuisine this quarter. I have one chef instructor that is the same as last quarter she is awesome and I am glad to have her again. The other instructor for Latin is a new one which made me a little nervous, but so far he seems like a cool guy. He is from Israel, is a retired captain of the Israeli army, and graduated from the Culinary Institute of America. He knows his stuff and he loves to talk about it. He is light hearted and funny, but then also reminds us that no one is as serious as he is when it comes to food.

Thursday, on our first day of class, he talked for over an hour on his background, what he expects, and information on Latin cuisine. We didn't get to start cooking until about 4:30pm. In his thick accent he said to us "I am going to keep talking so that you feel the pressure. If I didn't pressure you I would be doing you a disservice. So those of you doing the Mole Verde today, as soon as I stop talking you will be needing to start running like a chicken with no head." Yep, that was me.

Although I definitely had to run in order to get all my ingredients, get my beans on the stove, and get the pork cooking I was able to pull it off without any problems. He spent a lot of time critiquing each group. Keeping our food warm until he came to critique our group was the biggest hurdle of the night considering he came to us last. Our groups food came out great, and I was the only one that didn't have raw beans in my mole. Although it is common sense, no one cooked their beans before putting them in their dish. Duh. Go me, I used my brain. Woohoo.

My new goal is to really take advantage of every chance I get to cook something new, and to cook as often as possible. Practice makes perfect right? I don't know how perfect food can get considering so much of it depends on preference but I would like to get as close as I can--this also means not being afraid of failure which is something I struggle with.

Cheers to a new quarter!

R.I.P. Grandpa

2012-01-04T07:57:00.000-08:00

Both my blog and I have had a birthday since I last posted. My blog is now two years old, and I...well lets just say I am a little older. I also attended my grandpa's funeral since I last wrote.

My Grandpa's death has been something I have been afraid of since I was a little kid. Ever since I found out what cigarettes were and saw him smoking one, I immediately began to worry he wasn't going to be around much longer to come visit, make us laugh, or hear his deep voice echo through the house at the ass crack of dawn. I wanted him to live as long as he could...I loved him. I am a weird kid like that--worrying about other people dying and all. The weird thing is though, I still worry about people in this way. I don't think anyone really understands it...hell, I am not sure I do, but all I know is that I just want to keep the people I love around me for as long as I can. This is why I get anal and annoying when it comes to eating healthy food. If I bitch and moan to you about your food choices...guess what? It just means I love you, and that I want you to be around for as long as possible. I can't help it.

On second thought, maybe I should just start smoking, stop exercising, eating junk food, and drinking so that I will have everyone around me forever, which wouldn't end up being so long. Guess that would just be a long drawn out way of comitting suicide. Mmm no thanks.

Back to my Grandpa- He ended up sticking around for awhile. His visits were less frequent once he moved back down to Southern California but he still drove up to visit on occasion. He made it to a few basketball and soccer games, and my wedding. When he wasn't really up to the drive of coming to visit anymore I always looked forward to visiting him and my grandma. Visiting was always entertaining... the relationship between my grandma and grandpa was definitely a love hate relationship.

I really wish I could express my grandpa's sense of humor, but it is too unique to express through a blog. He created his own catch phrases that got picked up by other family members and passed down through generations.

Unfortunately my Grandpa did end up passing away from cancer. He made it to and older age than the average American male but I can't help but wish I had him around longer. Cigarettes suck. My grandpa however, was one cool cat.

R.I.P. Grandpa I miss you already

Bizarro World

2011-12-14T07:29:00.000-08:00

I don't know what kind of Bizarro world I have somehow stumbled into...or why everything is suddenly seeming to go right. I have spent nearly this whole month floating in the clouds...and I don't want to come down anytime soon.

I think I have finally found a way to speak without ever having to open my mouth--through cooking. I have been able to express myself more than ever just through food. With cooking becoming my way of communication, it has also led me to meeting some really awesome people recently, and I am more inclined to actually physically open my mouth and speak when in the past I would choose to keep it shut. I guess you could consider cooking my conversation starter.

The most baffling thing to me recently is just seeing all of the puzzle pieces of my life starting to fall into place. There were so many things I was angry about, or confused by, but now I see some of the reasoning behind it and thank God for it everyday.

I have a lot of updating to do on this blog...I have been ~~kind of~~ completely neglecting it, but for now I just want to leave it at the fact that at this moment, I am thankful and content.

I would also like to leave you with this clip in case you don't know what Bazarro world is.

My First Vegan Rant

2011-10-27T11:25:00.000-07:00

I have to rant.. First. Watch this video...

Vegan vs. Meat Diet

Did you watch it? All of it? I hope you did...and let me start off by saying...that I am really proud of The Doctors on this one for standing their ground...more specifically Dr. Lisa. Jillian kind of got cut off at the end but she is right on track with the grass-fed beef and etc. the look on her face throughout the video kind of lets you know exactly what her opinion is. So here is where my rant begins.

First off..I am sick and tired of diets that are not Vegan being considered as "lacking in nutrients" and vegetables. There are two sides of the spectrum. There are your unhealthy muffin-loving, cake-baking vegans that are addicted to sugar and chex mix, and then there are your vegans that really do eat whole foods and and are truly following a plant based diet. The same goes for a "meat based" ( I don't even like that term. ) diet. There are those who follow the standard American diet filled with processed foods, fast food...you name it--they eat it. Then, there is the "meat based " diets that I would like to rename balanced plant based diets. I think I eat more vegetables than most vegans yet I still eat grass-fed beef, organic free-range chicken, fish, and eggs. Just because you are vegan doesn't mean you are healthy, and it is more than just the Vegan Vs. Meat Eaters debate that we need to look at.. in reality, the people who are the healthiest are those who stick to eating REAL FOOD. Food that is closest to it's original form.

I had an experience closest to Jillians story. She tried to go vegan but she felt terrible..if you would like to read my story please go here. Dr. Wendy also talked about her experience with becoming anemic on a vegetarian diet. And Dr. Barnard follows up by saying that the milk in her vegetarian diet is the cause of her anemia...however, he is talking about conventional dairy and gives absolutely no mention of raw organic dairy from grass-fed cows.

The second part about this segment I would like to address is that this doctor pulls out a BMI chart study to prove that Veganism is "healthier." If you are even remotely involved in the health and fitness world you will already know that the BMI chart is very unreliable. Here is why: BMI takes in account your height to weight ratio. However, lets say you are a body builder. If you calculate your height to weight ratio using the lovely BMI chart you will most likely be put in the overweight category because you are carrying around extra weight..but that weight is coming in the form of muscle, not fat. The BMI chart does not take this into account. This doctors chart shows that Vegans are most likely to fit into the healthy weight category. BUT in my opinion that is because many vegans are lacking muscle. It seems that this doctor has never heard of the term "skinny fat" and relates health to "thinness". Thin, does not mean healthy Dr. Barnard. Vegans could very well be on the lighter side if they don't exercise and don't carry around much muscle.Then he pulls out the diabetes chart. So here is the chart that proves everything...but not exactly. Vegans are least likely to be diabetic, however, they are more likely to be younger...then count in the vegans that actually follow a true plant based diet and you have yourself proof that a vegan diet is the only way to beat diabetes. Instead of making a comparison between variations of the standard American diet and plant based vegan diet, how about we get a chart comparing followers of a Paleo diet, WAPF diet, Medditeranian diet, the standard American diet, and the junk food vegan diet ( Mmmm boca burgers and vegan french fries ). It makes me want to scream because of the way that these studies are presented on a chart and how it skews information to the public. I want to stress so badly the importance of people not just jumping into a vegan diet without doing their research. And as for dietary recommendations..the first foods out of this doctors mouth is brown rice and spaghetti. Brown rice and spaghetti have next to no nutrients. Good call Doc.

Again, Jillian's comment about going vegan and then feeling terrible. Have you noticed Jillian's physique? She is very muscular, lean, and fit. She needs more protein than your average Joe that might get in a 30 minute walk on their lunch hour. So perhaps, veganism is not well suited for people who strength train or have a mesomorph body type.

One of the biggest arguments about the Vegan diet is that not getting enough protein is a "myth." Yes, this might very well be a myth but the real myth is that all the protein that you are eating is getting absorbed. Truth is, on paper it might show that your diet consists of enough grams of protein but it might not be getting completely absorbed by the body. Your body has to do a lot more work when your protein is all plant based compared to eating complete proteins from foods such as chicken, or fish.

I think I am done ranting for now... but please. I beg you. If you are thinking about going vegan..especially for health reasons, I would explore other options. To all the Vegans that might read this...I still love you.

American Regional

2011-10-13T05:14:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe that I am already going on week 3 of this new quarter at school. It is going by so fast. Not only is it going by fast, but I am absolutely loving this class. I am taking American Regional Cuisine, which as you could probably figure out from the name- studies the cuisine across America. I know, you are probably thinking "American food? Doesn't American food suck? Isn't Jaimie Oliver trying to revolutionize our food?" Think again. Our food didn't always suck. Think pre-processed, pre- fast food America. What are we left with? You are about to find out. ( in case you really care ) Here is a little bit of what culinary school is like if you have ever wondered what it is we actually do. This is a clip straight from our class syllabus.
( Blog continues after the syllabus )

Weekly Outline:

Week1

	Lecture:		Overview of the History and Development of New England
Lab:		Day 1, Menu 1: New England Clam Chowder Marinated Zucchini & Tomato Salad New England Boiled Dinner Peach and Blueberry Cobbler + clams casino from menu 2 Week 1 Due: Day Two: Print out the last page of the syllabus, sign it, and bring it to class. Print out instructions for the Indigenous Food report from doc.sharing, bring to class. Day 2, Menu 2: Cod Cakes with Tartar Sauce Roasted Turkey Roulade with Giblet Gravy Cranberry Sauce Green Beans with Fried Onions Glazed Turnips Mashed Sweet Potatoes Gingerbread
Homework:		Week 1 Homework: Journal- New England Quiz on New England Put together the Notebook/Journal Binder Prepare Weekly Recipes
		Week 2
Lecture:		Overview of the History and Development of the Mid Atlantic
Lab:		Day 1, Menu 1: Spicy Crab Soup with Crab Puffs Egg, Cucumber, and Tomato Salad Buffalo Chicken Wings Roast Duck with Garlic and Honey (sub doc.sharing recipe for duck with cherry) Roasted Potatoes and Pearl Onions Applesauce Cake and Caramel Glaze (1/2 recipe!) Week 2 Due: Day One: Journal on New England Quiz on New England Day 2, Menu 2: Vichyssoise Beets, Belgian Endive, and Feta Salad Scallops with Mushrooms and Asparagus Croquette Potatoes Potatoes Parmentier Green Beans Spaghetti Squash Ginger Pound Cake with Warm Cranberries Week 2 Due: Day Two: Journal/Notebook Binder
Homework:		Week 2 Homework: Journal- Mid-Atlantic Quiz on Mid-Atlantic States Prepare Weekly Recipes
		Week 3
Lecture:		Overview of the History and Development of the South
Lab:		Day 1, Menu 3: Watermelon & Watercress Salad with Shallot-Citrus Dressing Fried Green Tomatoes with Blue Cheese and Roasted Red Pepper Sauce Southern Fried Chicken with Cream Gravy Pan-Roasted Butternut Squash and Turnips Peach Cobbler + prep the pork for the pulled pork sandwiches Week 3 Due: Day One: Journal on Mid-Atlantic States Quiz on Mid-Atlantic States Day 2, Menu 2: Hoppin’ John Salad with Pecan Vinaigrette Sweet Onion Tart with Roasted Tomato Sauce and Green Onion- Basil Oil Shrimp Perloo Carolina Pulled Pork Sandwich Sandwich Slaw Potato Salad Banana Pudding
Homework:		Week 3 Homework: Journal on Southern Cuisine Quiz on Southern Cuisine Indigenous Food report (due week 4 day 2) Prepare Weekly Recipes
		Week 4
Lecture:		Overview of the History and Development of the Cuisine of Florida
Lab:		Day 1, Menu 1: Black Bean Soup Ceviche of Shrimp and Floribbean Slaw Chicken with Tamarind Ginger Sauce Stewed Pink Beans Stuffed Chayote with Tomatoes, Mushrooms and Cheese Candied Sweet Potatoes Week 4 Due: Day One: Journal on Southern Cuisine Quiz on Southern Cuisine Day 2, Menu 2: Key West Conch Chowder Hearts of Palm Salad Pan Seared Grouper with Black Bean, Jicama, and Corn Relish Tropical Fruit Salsa Corn Custard Key Lime Pie Week 4 Due: Day Two: Indigenous Food report due
Homework:		Week 4 Homework: Journal on Floribbean Cuisine Quiz on Floribbean Cuisine Prepare Weekly Recipes
		Week 5
Lecture:		Overview of the History and Development of Cajun and Creole Cuisine
Lab:		Day 1, Menu 1: Chicken and Andouille Sausage Gumbo (sub gumbo recipe on doc.sharing) Tomato and Haricot Vert Salad Fried Fish with Pearly Meal and Remoulade Sauce Crawfish Etouffèe Boiled Rice Smothered Okra Bread Pudding with Whisky Sauce Week 5 Due: Day One: Journal on Floribbean Cuisine Quiz on Floribbean Cuisine Day 2, Menu 2: Red Beans and Rice Green Salad with Vinaigrette Baked Cheese Grits Braised Beef Daube Glazed Carrots Sugar Snap Peas Fried Oyster Po Boy Pecan Pralines
Homework:		Week 5 Homework: Journal on Cajun and Creole Quiz on Cajun and Creole Cuisine Prepare Weekly Recipes
		Week 6
Lecture:		Overview of the History and Development of the Cuisine of the Central Plains
Lab:		Day 1, Menu 1: Wisconsin Cheddar and Beer Soup Beet and Apple Salad with Horseradish Vinaigrette Planked Whitefish with Green Onion Butter Mashed Celeriac and Potatoes Pickled Pearl Onions Sautéed Green Beans and Cherry Tomatoes Brownie Pudding Cake + prep ribs for day 2 & soak beans Week 6 Due: Day One: Journal on Cajun and Creole Quiz on Cajun and Creole Cuisine Day 2, Menu 2: Barley Beef Soup KC BBQ Ribs Steak Fries Cannellini Beans with Tomatoes and Basil Roast Chicken with Wild Rice, Walnuts, and Dried Fruit Stuffing Winter Vegetables with Thyme, and Broccoli Florets + Sour Cream Coffee Cake from menu 3
Homework:		Week 6 Homework: Journal on Cuisine of the Central Plains Quiz on Cuisine of the Central Plains Begin Menu Planning Project Prepare Weekly Recipes
		Week 7
Lecture:		Overview of the History and Development of Tex-Mex Cuisine
Lab:		Day 1, Menu 1: LBJ Pedernales Chili Jalapeno Cornbread Crab Quesadillas with Green Chili Chutney Lone Star Chicken-Fried Steak with Cream Gravy Mashed Potatoes Black-Eyed Peas Mexican Wedding Cookies Week 7 Due: Day One: Journal on Cuisine of the Central Plains Quiz on Cuisine of the Central Plains Day 2, Menu 2: Caldo de Res (sub recipe from doc.sharing) Pork Flautas Guacamole Pico de Gallo Shrimp Tacos with Green Chili Sauce Cheese Enchiladas Arroz a la Mexicana Refried Beans Flan
Homework:		Week 6 Homework: Journal on Tex-Mex Cuisine due Quiz on Texas and Tex-Mex Cuisine Menu Planning Project (due week 8 day 2) Prepare Weekly Recipes
		Week 8
Lecture:		Overview of the History and Development of the Cuisines of the Southwest and Rocky Mountains
Lab:		Day 1, Menu 1: Tortilla Chips, Salsa Fresca, and Tomatillo Salsa Poblano and Potato Soup with Tortilla Chips Marinated Quail on Spinach Salad Pumpkin Seed Crusted Trout Calabacitas con Maize Annatto Rice and Queso Fresco Tres Leches Cake + sopaipillas recipe from doc.sharing (not from the book) Week 8 Due: Day One: Journal on Tex-Mex Cuisine due Quiz on Texas and Tex-Mex Cuisine Day 2, Menu 2: Grilled Vegetable Gazpacho Spicy Pork Empanadas with Marinated Dried Bean Salad Colorado Lamb Shoulder with Cilantro Pesto and Jalapeno Preserves Broccoli with Candied Pecans Fingerlings with Parsley-Basil Dressing Lemon Chess Pie Week 8 Due: Day Two: Menu Planning Project
Homework:		Week 7 Homework: Journal on Cuisine of the Southwest Quiz on the Cuisines of the Southwest Prepare Weekly Recipes
		Week 9
Lecture:		Overview of the History and Development of the Cuisine of California
Lab:		Day 1, Menu 1: Chilled Avocado and Cucumber Soup Warm Scallop Salad with Tomato, Mind, and Lime Dressing Sautéed Duck Breast with a Port Wine Reduction Monterey Jack and Green Chile Polenta Fried Fennel Creamed Spinach + Strawberry Shortcake from Menu 2 + make sponge for the focaccia Week 9 Due: Day One: (drop box them) Journal on Cuisine of the Southwest Quiz on the Cuisines of the Southwest Day 2, Menu 3: Dilled Carrot Soup Caesar Salad Hangtown Fry San Francisco Cioppino Kiwifruit and Grape Rice Pudding + Rosemary Focaccia (from “other recipes”- California chapter)
Homework:		Week 9 Homework: Journal on California Quiz on California Prepare Weekly Recipes
		Week 10
Lecture:		Overview of the History and Development of the Cuisine of the Pacific Northwest and Hawaii
Lab:		Day 1, Menu 1: (The Pacific Northwest) Red Lentil Soup with Sweet Onion Marmalade Mussels in Thai Curry Coconut Broth Pear and Hazelnut Salad with Oregon Blue Cheese Sautéed Halibut with Warm Apple and Dried Cherry Compote Gai Lan and Crispy Garlic + Chocolate Flourless Cake with Coffee Crème Anglaise from Menu 3 Week 10 Due: Day One: Journal on California Quiz on California Day 2, Menu 1: (Hawaii) Ahi Poke Spam Musubi Daikon Cakes with Salad Greens and Spicy Plum Dressing Saimin with Teriyaki Meat Sticks Char Su Deep-Fried Calamari Salad Pineapple Fritters with Maui Mango Sauce
Homework:		Week 10 Homework: Journal on Pacific Northwest & Hawaiian Cuisine Quiz on Pacific Northwest & Hawaiian Cuisine Prepare for Final Exam- recipes and timeline Prepare Final Notebook & Journal- print, organize, and professionalize
		Week 11
Lecture:		FINAL EXAMs
Lab:		Final Practical Exam Individual Student Cooking Test 4 Courses – 2 portions Soup, Salad, Entrée, Dessert – Chef assigns from the Textbook –
		Lab Cleaning

If you actually looked at the syllabus ( unlike a real student ) then you will see that not only does America have amazing food, but we also have real homework. Who knew culinary school was more than just cooking? Well it is, but I love it.
Another awesome detail about this class is that our chef instructor is awesome. She is way more relaxed than our last instructor--who loved to single people out in front of the whole class for things that we really didn't know any better. I narrowly escaped ever being singled out in front of the class but that doesn't mean that I didn't want to vomit just thinking about the possibility. I am not afraid of this instructor, and her food critiques are a lot more detailed and attention oriented. She has a way better pallet and has a taste for things other than salt. ( For our lass instructor you had to salt things according to how you would eat it, and then salt it some more. ) I guess you could say she is a tougher grader, but I like that--it is necessary for improvement, and it is always done in a constructive way.

So who's coming over for dinner?

Babies

2011-10-01T05:47:00.000-07:00

Babies scare the crap out of me. I know...I am a woman and I should love babies. They should be so cute, cuddly, and squeezable to me--my uterus should be yearning for one, but instead, I curse at it monthly and contemplate its removal.

I will admit that there was a point that I did want a baby, marriage tends to do that to you, and maybe I still do, but its a good thing that it never happened because as my mother puts it "I was born with no maternal instinct". I like to think of it more as being born with a skewed maternal instinct. For me, babies are strictly for looking at. From afar. My friends have babies but they know how terrified and awkward I am around them so they don't really expect much of me. I am kind of a deadbeat "aunt". I feel bad though. The only instinctive thing I can ever find to do is to poke them in the belly as if they were the Pillsbury dough boy and let out a quick "boop". And then flash them a creepy smile and maybe give them a pat on the head. If I am lucky they will stare at me blankly, when I am not so lucky, they cry.

I don't want to be so awkward and terrified of babies but what can I say, awkward just comes naturally to me. Can awkwardness be instinctive? Perhaps it is some kind of primal survival mechanism? You can't really out-run lions or dinosaurs with a baby in your hands right? Survival of the fittest? I think things might be different if a baby was my own, but I am kind of afraid to find out. I could really mess up a kid--and I am not really wanting to be responsible for years of therapy or producing some sort of serial killer.

I think that dogs might forever be my children. Yep, I am going to be that lady. Not the crazy cat lady, but the crazy dog lady. Cats hate me more than babies. One minute I am scratching their head, and the next minute I have a claw in my face.

Anyone else as awkward around babies as I am? Let me clarify this: I do not dislike babies. I just don't know how to handle them. Therefore I avoid them whenever possible.

In The Coffee Shop

2011-09-26T05:00:00.000-07:00

I have always wondered what it was like to be the douchey person in a coffee shop with a laptop...so as of right now I am sitting in a coffee shop with my laptop, and my coffee, ( I don't even like coffee ) typing away on my computer as if I am someone with a lot of work to get done. Look at me, on my Mac, with my coffee, and my ear buds, I don't even want to hear you I am so important.

In all honesty, I didn't really get what the point of going to a coffee shop with a laptop was. I am sure it could be a convenient way to get work done if you don't have internet? Are on a break, in-between classes..or if you just need to be away from the distraction of home ( mostly the refrigerator ). I don't know how Starbucks could be a more distracting place to get work done. There is constantly people walking by you, orders being yelled out like an unfortunate case of turrets syndrome, Facebook is still completely accessible, and the people...they are not just distracting, but quite fascinating. There is not a lot of people really taking a time to sit down today, but there is the usual hipsters joining in on the laptop party ( only they are much better dressed than me ) a big guy to my right with a 5:00 shadow reading the morning paper, a guy in front of me on his iPad actually using the stand thingy that comes with those $50.00 cases, and the guy to my left is my old basketball coach. Small world. Of course, he doesn't recognize me because he knew me when I was a little boy, but I remember him quite well.

So why am I even at a Starbucks right now? Well lets just say that there are some situations that you just need to get away. Hence, I will no longer judge the douchebags that I see in the corner with their laptops at Starbucks. In fact, I won't even call them douchebags. They are now WiFi whores. Joking. Kind of. Its a free world, and Free WiFi is to coffee as chocolate chip cookies is to milk. ( there I go with the food again. )

Cheers to the start of my week off of school, and forcing myself to like coffee.

Chocolate and Pretzels

2011-09-24T14:04:00.000-07:00

With all that has happened lately, I have had people ask me if I think I will ever get married again or if i have forever sworn off men- which is also sometimes followed by the phrase " I hope your husband didn't turn you lesbian." Well no matter my love of sports, number of short hair cuts I have had, and my lack of curves, I am into men. Sorry ladies. However, I could see myself with a nice gay man. He could take me shopping, my hair would be fabulous, and the biggest reason he could find to dislike me would be the fact that I am not a man. Perfect. No?

Okay, so maybe marrying a gay man wouldn't exactly be an ideal situation. I would probably have to bribe him with a large sum of money, or grow a penis. Either way it is dirty business. Anywho... back to the question. Do I think I will ever get married again? Yes, and no. Honestly, it depends on the day. Some days it is a hell no answer, and others it's a maybe. MAYBE.

On the days that it is a "hell no" are the days that I think of all the hurt that comes with relationships, and on the "maybe" days, are the days that I am missing all of the good things that come with a relationship. Right now, the hurt outweighs the good things and the answer to this question is would conclude to a "no." For now at least.

I know, I am still young, there are plenty of fish in the sea, you never know, etc. etc. I have heard all of post- break-up supposed to make you feel better relationship phrases. ( which are usually only told to you by your married friends ). For now though, I think I am going to just focus on figuring out who I am. I don't want to enter a relationship to find someone who "completes me". I don't believe that we should need to find someone who completes us, but rather someone who compliments us. Kind of like chocolate and pretzels. Both are completely capable of being delicious on their own, but when you put them together they create this beautifuly harmonious sweet and salty best-of-both-worlds party in your mouth. That is what a relationship should be like. ( I couldn't get through one blog without the mention of food ).

Now off to find some chocolate covered pretzels.

Food Nerd

2011-09-22T17:37:00.000-07:00

It's official, I have completely morphed into another person and become an anal over-achiever. I guess that is what happens when you are studying something you actually care about. Somehow I managed to get the highest grade on my final in my Concepts and theories class (lecture) and the highest overall grade in my Fundamentals of Cooking class (lab). In reality, it was pretty easy. Lab class never failed to stress me out every week and cause me to nearly vomit on finals day, but other than that..it was cake. I didn't pull any all nighters, brown nose the teacher, or spend every spare moment of my day studying. Or did I? I guess you could call me a food nerd. ( I refuse to be called a foodie, I am not a foodie I am an aspiring chef. I will also accept food nerd. ) I cook as much as possible, and study the subject in my free time so it is almost like I have accidentally stumbled into becoming a good student. The accidental A student- yep, that's me.

Just in case you were all wondering. What is a Foodie? What is the difference between a Foodie and a Food Nerd? Well, I will help you out here.

Foodie- a person having an avid interest in the latest food fads and finds eating it particularly joyous.

Food Nerd- a person regarded as socially dull, unsophisticated, awkward, etc., specif., as from being preoccupied with learning everything there is about where food comes from, how it is made, the science behind it, and mastering the art of cooking.

Things Old People Don't Get

2011-09-21T07:47:00.000-07:00

1. Younger- Obvious
2. Facebook Changes- Want to freak out an older person? Just wait for Facebook to switch things up a bit and watch them go crazy.
3. Hulu - "Darnit I missed my show"
"You can just watch it on Hulu later."
"Oh, on our TV?" "No, on the computer."
"Oh, whats Hulu? How do I do that?" - They will never actually try it because it involves too many steps.
4. Autocorrect- "Thats not what I want to say!" ( Insert explicit language here ).
5. DVR/On Demand "I had to choose between watching Dancing with stars or Hells Kitchen"
"You know you can record one right?"
"Oh, I can? I didn't think of that"
"Yea..that is why you are paying the big bucks for that cable package..."
On Demand - "So its like renting a movie?"
"yes."
"But it costs money."
"The new ones..yes. Think: Blockbuster in your home."
"Oh"

6. Self Check-Out - Self Check-out should have an age limit of 40 and under. Not only do older people not get how to use it, but they will pull up with a FULL shopping cart. By the time they finish checking-out, you will be over age 40 and strongly encouraged to move to a regular check-out lane.

7. Twitter- Unlike e-mails, Tweets do have an expiration date. You cannot respond to a tweet a week later and expect the person to know what in the world you are talking about.
Example:

@suchandsuch"Had the best Pizza for lunch."

One week later:

@suchandsuch "YUMMO!"

@oldperson"What?"

Chardonnay on a Lava Rock

2011-09-17T07:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my practical final exam for my Fundamentals class. We had 2 hours and 15 minutes to complete the exam which included making: Hollandaise sauce, Chicken Chardonnay, pureed potatoes, Glazed Carrots, and Cream of Broccoli Soup.

Sounds pretty easy right? Well yes, and no. The recipes are easy, but what makes the exam hard is fighting over product, equipment, and a place on the stove with 20 other people while under a time constraint. One of the hardest things for me to do was to stay focused on what I was doing and not pay attention to what the people around me were doing. I learned that I don't trust myself very much because I found that I wanted to do things in the order that the people around me were doing, and was doubting the way that I had laid out my prep list. Despite my self doubt, I stuck to my own prep list, and I am really glad I did or I could of easily ended up a sweaty mess in a corner curled up in the fetal position.

Finals in culinary school are not your average college exam. They are physically, mentally, and emotionally draining. I could run 20 miles and it would still not be equal to the type of exhaustion that you feel after completing a practical exam in the kitchen. Not only does the kitchen feel like a huge oven, but you are also wearing a hat, a neck tie under your chefs jacket, a shirt under your chefs jacket, and thick chefs pants. If you still cannot picture the comfort level of this situation, picture yourself in a desert wearing a beanie, a long-sleeve turtleneck, a vest, and sweatpants while cooking chicken chardonnay on a lava rock.

All in all, the final went well and I passed. My Hollandaise sauce was a little thick ( probably from waiting forever to find Chef and have her taste it ) but my soup was tasty, my potatoes were creamy and delicious, my carrots were cooked and glazed well, I didn't serve raw chicken, and my sauce was tasty and well seasoned. There were a few bumps in the road along the way when every stove burner was occupied making me create an alternate route for my prep list, or when someone jacked my mushrooms for my chardonnay sauce ( luckily the person realized it and gave me theirs, but there were a few moments of "Oh Sh*t" ).

It is the morning after the exam and I am still winding down from the adrenaline rush. I was so exhausted that I actually laid down after I got home with the intent of sleeping. Which- if you know me, is not normal. I don't nap. ( not intentionally at least ). I am relieved that it is over, except finals only get more challenging from here, but hey, what is life without a challenge right?

On Love and Marriage

2011-09-06T07:21:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday one of my closest friends got married. I was nervous about the wedding for a number of reasons. #1 I was afraid of what sort of memories it would stir up and the usual "How is your husband" question. #2 I was afraid for her and #3 Weddings mean dressing up and I am no fashionista.

There was a few awkward moments. I did get asked about my husband a few times in which I just replied with "Good" and hoped that no further questions would be asked. Sometimes that is where the conversation ended...and other times I wasn't so lucky. I still find it hard to find the right words to say when asked, I usually freeze like a deer in the headlights..mumble a bunch of jibberish and try to change the subject. I find myself wanting to avoid these sort of situations entirely. ( Although in this case it wasn't an option ).

One of my biggest worries was what to wear. I was attending a wedding of a bride with a sister/maid of honor who is quite the fashionista. A few weeks back she did a blog post about what to wear to the type of wedding that her sister was going to have and stated that flip flops would be a cardinal sin. No flip flops??? Crap. I am so screwed. With the help of my brother and his wife, finding a dress was surprisingly painless, but I don't think I have ever put so much time and effort into looking for the right shoes to wear. Fortunately, I was able to find my inner feminine side, pull myself together, find some shoes and prepare for the wedding. Looking back...I almost enjoyed the whole process, and might even have enjoyed wearing that dress. *Might*

Originally, I was a bit nervous for my friend getting married. I didn't want her to go through what I am currently going through. Ever. But as soon as the ceremony started and I saw the way that he looked at her, I knew that this was a guy who was man of his word, was deeply in love, and would honor his promise to love and to cherish her forever and ever.

The wedding was beautiful, and although it stirred up a few memories, and made me put way too much effort into holding back tears, it also gave me hope that maybe true love does exist, and maybe someday I will find it.

New Love

2011-09-03T06:40:00.000-07:00

I am surrounded by new love. It is a hard thing to be surrounded by when you feel like you might never be loved again. ( by a significant other ). I am attending one of my closest friends wedding today, and although I am really happy for her, part of me wants to run after her down the aisle yelling "Don't Do It!". Bad, I know. I guess I shouldn't inflict my own insecurities on others but it really sucks not trusting anyone. I don't want to see her or anyone be hurt in the same way that I was.

Yesterday I posted about my hopes for the future, but the reality is that my fears for the future are far more mind consuming. I want to be self-sufficient and independent, but I am afraid to end up alone. I want to look someone in the eyes and know that they love me back, be able to trust again, and have someone to share the greatest moments of life with.

Up until the past few days, I was vowing to myself that I would never allow myself love again, but with the events of the past few weeks I can't see how I could go through life alone. I guess love doesn't exactly need to be a spouse, but I feel like relationships in general are lacking in my life at the moment. Maybe there is a glimmer of hope for me to give love a chance again someday. Or maybe I am just getting caught up in all these feelings of weddings, and romance. Either way, it is scary. I don't know if I can trust again.

Someday

2011-09-02T07:34:00.000-07:00

When your life gets shaken up, turned upside down like a snow globe you are forced to take a new direction. Sometimes the best thing to do is just take one day at a time, but other days impatience sets in and restlessness takes over. There is a certain way I envisioned my life would unfold, but seeing as my life was folded like an origami swan- it didn't exactly unfold as planned. I think it is time to create a plan B. Well, it is more like dream B. Now that I am entering back into the life of singlehood future-life looks a little different. Here are some things that I hope to see in my future. Someday. Maybe.

Someday...

I will live in a house like this:

or an apartment located in an awesome city like this:

With my best friend Rocco who looks like this:

Or Escoffier who looks like this:

While working at a place like this:

I don't have a specific place that I would like to work at yet. All I know is that it has to do with food and being in a kitchen. I can't envision it in full yet because I don't know what part of the culinary world will fit me. So for now, just a generic picture of a kitchen.

I also want to travel. I want to go to both new and old places and create new memories. I want to visit the places that I can't remember visiting as a kid, or places I didn't really appreciate the first time around.

Of course, all of these things are a long way off into the future. Snapping back to reality brings me to the fact that I am 24, going through a divorce, living with my parents, jobless, and racking up student loans. Despite the reality, sometimes dreaming about the future is the only thing that gets me through the day.

Where to Start

2011-08-16T19:45:00.000-07:00

It is days like today that I miss having someone to do nothing with...nothing important at least. I miss being able to wander around aimlessly with someone due to lack of anything better to do. I miss going to the mall and looking at furniture we could never afford, kitchen appliances that we could only dream of, and wandering through IKEA imagining how our future dream home might be decorated. ( Dream homes come in IKEA dream kits that you assemble yourself ).

It is also at these moments that I wish I had friends that I could relate to and help take my mind off of days like these. Divorce is hard enough as it is, but unfortunately it throws you into a whole new phase of life that you never wish for anyone to experience. My close friends all got married around the same time, which is usually followed by babies, mom jeans, and mini-vans. They now have the babies, and I have divorce papers. Things didn't exactly go as planned.

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I am not really sure about the reason behind all of this yet but I am at the start of a journey to figure out why. It feels like I am having to start life all over again and honestly it is a bit scary and overwhelming. I don't know where to start.

Life's Unexpected Obstacles

2011-08-09T22:07:00.000-07:00

I have been trying to write a blog for going on 2 weeks now, maybe longer...I have written drafts, erased drafts, almost hit the publish button, and then left half-written drafts sitting with no intention of ever finishing them. The problem is not lack of things to write about...its that I have too much. There has been a lot going on and thinking of writing it all out is overwhelming. However, I have to start somewhere.

Despite my great attempts to write a beautifully thought out blog on all the latest in my life I made the decision to just get it out there no matter how ugly the end product was. So bear with me. It could be a bumpy ride.

Now where to start...

Good news or bad news first?

I was always a bad news first kind of girl so here it is:

I am getting a divorce.

That is the first time I have ever written out that sentence. It seems blunt, and to the point but why soften it up? It stings a bit. I never expected to be a 24 year old divorcee. Life throws some big obstacles but I never expected this one would come my way.

So what happened? Well, that is a long story that I am not really ready to tell. I want to tell it, but there are a few things stopping me. #1 My brain, #2 The situation ( no not the MTV situation ) In time, perhaps it will get easier to talk about, but for now I just can't find the right words. I am hurt, angry, sad and everything in-between. It is hard for me to express it, or even explain it-so for now I am leaving it at that.

The good news:

I have culinary school for a distraction and I am experiencing new things on a daily basis. I am slowly getting used to interacting with people and I can tell I am gaining a little bit of social confidence. I don't always find the need to keep my mouth shut, and in the chaos of the kitchen I am forced to open my mouth or get left behind. I experienced my first midterm last week, and although I felt like I was in a bad quickfire challenge on TopChef, I made it through unharmed.

I also find that although I am shy- that I am craving a sense of community or that I am happiest when I am around people. Of course I still like my alone time just like any other introvert, but I find myself longing for more friends and to meet new people. New people still terrify me, and I have to force myself to get out there but it is getting slightly easier and more gratifying.

One of the hardest things about a failed marriage is that you are suddenly left single with all of your friends getting married, married, or married with kids. Suddenly I feel lonely and left behind.

The world seems pretty overwhelming at the moment. I apologize for this post being all over the place.

Cheers to singlehood.

On Week One

2011-07-16T07:49:00.000-07:00

One week of my first term of culinary school down, ten to go. This last week has been a stressful one, but it is one of the best weeks I have had in a long time. The stress of new surroundings, new people, and a wealth of information outlined for us to learn has definitely left me feeling like I just ran a marathon. However, the best thing about marathons is that endorphin rush you get from it. I was pushed in ways that I haven't been pushed in months. I was pushed socially, physically, and mentally, but it left me hungry for more. I can feel myself improving in all of those aspects in just a few days.

One of the things that I have enjoyed the most is learning about the little details in cooking that differentiate a home cook from a chef. Details that range from the presentation, knife cuts, or to the way you build levels of flavor. There are a ton of little details that make a world of difference and I am enjoying every second of learning about it. For those of you that think that culinary school is easy, you are very wrong. There is homework and research papers just like any other major except you also risk the chance of losing the tip of a finger or getting a third degree burn. It is also not recommended that you don't do homework on an empty stomach because it will most likely make you extremely hungry.

Well, that is my brief synopsis of my first week. Can't wait to see what next week has in store.

The Day Has Come

2011-07-11T06:13:00.000-07:00

It is finally here. Day one of Culinary school. Although it is only a lecture class today, I can hardly contain my excitement. I have been waiting for this day for so long and I can't believe it is finally here.

I have the familiar first day of school jitters, (yes, I am 5 years old. ) and lucky for me my mind likes to imagine worst case scenario's before I even get there. What if I am late? What if I forget something? What if I do something horribly embarrassing? I guess a lot of my fear comes from not knowing what to expect. Fear of the unknown- which will hopefully cease by the end of the day.

The best part about today is that I feel like this is the start of a new chapter in my life. I don't know what the next chapter holds but I am looking forward to seeing how it unfolds. Cheers to a new chapter, and hope that I don't embarrass myself!

I Wasn't Always So Fearful

2011-06-21T08:11:00.000-07:00

Skateboard competition in Fresno

There was a time in my life when I wasn't so afraid of everything. I may have even seemed fearless at times. I was still a bit of a social outcast and was never the life of the party, or outgoing by any means but I knew who I was, and at some point in the last few years I have completely lost that.

Look at that crowd. I had the best fans....

I was never afraid of the boys

I wasn't full of confidence then, but I had more than I have now. I was still able to fight off the fear of what people thought of me. I was shy, but I didn't care. I just did my thing. Playing sports helped me forget that I was shy. There was no room for a lack of confidence on your board, or on the field. I was far from timid and may have even been called aggressive-I didn't even have to talk.

Now, unfortunately as an adult people automatically expect you to be able express yourself in other ways than skateboarding and slide-tackling. I am so awkward in person ya'll. It is really hard for me to get a job because people see me as being stuck-up, dumb, and lacking confidence. These are all of the things an employer does not want to hire. I am so terrified of how I present myself, and what people's impressions of me are that I am afraid to do anything concerning people that don't already know me. There are so many things I want to do but am too afraid.

I want to go on group runs with the people from the local running store, make new friends, run more races, carry on conversations with people, have a good job interview that actually lands me a job, and find some confidence.

I only have one life, and the events of the last few weeks have shown me that it is in fact very short, and the way you live it could determine your happiness in the end.

I need to stop being so afraid.

Elbow Deep

2011-05-31T08:13:00.000-07:00

My hands are finally starting to heal, but it still stings when I juice a citrus fruit of choice. Being a dishwasher is no joke. I was only washing dishes for a week but I have the battle wounds of seasoned veteran. Blades will indeed cut you- especially when they are hiding at the bottom of the sink filled with dirty dish water. The strange thing is that I somewhat enjoyed dish washing. If I was getting paid for it, it wouldn't be bad. It fit me and my social retardedness quite well. Washing dishes is a system that takes learning in order for you to be efficient, but once you get it down, it is pretty simple. I was able to learn the system, and produce awesomely clean dishes in a fast and orderly manner. All of this without having to deal with a single customer. The best part about dish washing is that you don't have to deal with customers, and you can just do your thing and be left alone. As much as I enjoyed dishwashing I wasn't exactly a fan of doing it for free.

I was supposed to be working at a pretty well known local restaurant/cafe here in town. I got home from Germany on a Wednesday and started work at 6am on Friday...only to be told at the end of the day that I would be an intern for them while they trained me and would re-evaluate me in two weeks. This news sucked..but I was willing to wait it out and decided it was worth it just to learn how the kitchen operates, how the food is prepared and so on...but everyday after that I spent my days elbow deep in dishwater. If the "Chef" did decide she wanted to teach me something she talked to me like I was retarded. If she wanted me to cut broccoli she would teach me how to cut broccoli...step, by step. If I had to use a food processor, she would teach me how to plug it in, how to put the lid on, and how to turn it on. Trying to let her know I was completely capable of these things was impossible, she simply didn't listen. When she spent too much time teaching me how to plug in appliances, cut vegetables, and pick my nose she would get flustered and stressed that nothing would get done. All I could think about was the dishes that were piling up on the sink...knowing I would have to rush to catch up and get them washed.

Another disappointment is that I had always loved this place because I thought that their food and baked goods were all homemade and of superior quality. ( It should be for the prices! ). To my disappointment, not only is their food not the highest of quality, but most of their baked goods come in a bucket. They order their muffins, and scones pre-mixed or made and scooped them into muffin tins and sold them off as made from scratch. Their sticky buns are made from frozen pastry dough layered with butter and sugar and then rolled and baked.

There is an on-going joke with the rest of the kitchen staff as well about how the "chef" prides herself in her food and recipes that she calls her own but then when it comes to preparing the day's food she pulls out The Joy of Cooking and bakes or cooks straight from it. She has recipe books filled with ripped out pages from magazines. How can she call these "her own" recipes?

Another observation that I made that could potentially be a bit more serious is how she prepares and stores her "Gluten Free" baked goods. She creates "her own" mix of gluten free flour but the problem is that she uses the same equipment and instruments for her gluten free goods as her regular gluten containing products. This might produce just the slightest amount of gluten contamination but for real celiacs this could be dangerous. Even foods sold in the grocery store can not carry a gluten free label if they were manufactured on the same equipment as gluten containing foods. She needs to be more careful or at least let people know that there is a slight risk of contamination.

Frustrations aside, I ended my "internship" on good terms. ( unless they read this blog ) For once in my life I actually had the balls to speak up and talk to them about the situation. The chef said she wanted to potentially have me as a prep cook but that they just didn't have it in the budget to pay me, and when they did it would only be a couple days a week. So who knows how long I would have been their free dishwasher.

Long story short... I am now back to job searching. I will miss the kitchen staff though. I really liked the people that worked there, but there was a lot of drama...I don't even know how much longer they will be there.

Let the search begin.

Acting Stupid

2011-05-22T05:54:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I let on like I know less than I know. I guess you could call it "acting stupid" but I assure you that it is purely accidental. Unfortunately, acting stupid whether on purpose or accidental doesn't really get you where you want to be in life.

I started my new job last Friday at a little eatery in town called Tsuda's. I am helping in the mornings with baking, and washing dishes (mostly dishes)..and pretty much anything that they need. Minus the new job nerves it went quite well. I enjoy the people, the atmosphere, and everything about it. Everyone is really nice, and willing to help out the new kid. The only hurdle I can't get over is my lack of confidence.

I will be in training for a couple of weeks (unpaid) until I get used to the ropes. My only fear is that they will find that I am not cut out for the kitchen due to my lack of a backbone. I was training with another new girl who is about to graduate from Le Cordon Bleu's baking and pastry program. I definitely felt under qualified. She was sweet, always willing to help me and I am really thankful that she made me feel really comfortable...however, this also allowed me to play dumb.

Tsuda's specializes in gluten free baked goods, vegan baked goods, and just overall deliciousness. What I failed to portray was the fact that I know more about baking than they think. Especially about gluten-free baking- something they don't cover in great detail in culinary school. I have done a lot of my own experimentation and research when it comes to gluten free baking, bread baking, vegan baking...everything. But for some reason I feel the need to act like I know nothing. I guess one of my biggest fears is coming off like an annoying cocky "know it all". I definitely don't know it all but I know something. I need to grow a backbone, learn to communicate (easier said than done ) and let on that I have at least some knowledge if I want to be handed less dishes and more responsibility.

My biggest downfall is always second guessing myself. Even with everyday tasks that I wouldn't even think about if I was doing it at home. I can separate egg whites with my eyes closed at home, but at work I was afraid to mess something up and looked like a moron. I have a hard time telling the difference between being cocky,and from being confident. Whenever I try on the confidence coat I always feel like a cocky asshole. But maybe that is what you need to make it in a kitchen?

Food is my passion, and I know there is no place I would rather be than in the kitchen. This is what I want to do for my career and will do everything I can to improve in all aspects of life in order to get where I want to be. Praying for confidence. Help me God.

Was It All A Dream?

2011-05-19T08:35:00.000-07:00

It's my first day back in California...and it feels like I just woke up from an extremely long dream...

My dream in review...

Starts off with some shrooms

Enchanted forests

Noble steeds

Winter wonderland

Toon town?

Castles

rainbows

God?

Kill rooms...wake up time.

It is good to be back, and I am streaming Hulu, and Pandora simultaneously just because I can. ( These are not available in Germany ). I am also experiencing jet lag at its finest and can't think if my life depended on it. The side affect is pronouncing all my w's with a V sound, and blurred vision. So for now enjoy my trip in review.

Oh California how I missed you.

29 Days

2011-04-19T06:32:00.000-07:00

There are 29 days left until I return back to the good old U.S.A. Which seems like a lot considering I mis-calculated (or mis-Googled because I am way too lazy to actually calculate anything ) the other day and thought I had only 26 days left to go...making today only 24. Nope. 29. Thanks a million Google for making me actually do math. I barely have enough energy to write this blog after having to figure out that equation.

Anyways... you might be wondering why I am returning to the States. Perhaps just for a visit? Well yes, if you consider a year a visit. Truth is I am not really sure how everything is going to pan out in the end because a lot of things tend to happen in a year but the plan so far is that I will be attending Culinary school and then return to Germany upon completion. Of course there are a few things that could weigh in on future plans. Those things would be the time frame in which I complete culinary school, jobs, money, etc. etc. you get the point.

So now to the big question that I get asked every time I discuss my newest life endeavor. What about your husband? Great question. He will be here, doing what he does now...except without me moping around
with nothing to do. I get it folks, a year is a long time, and yes I get that you probably think that I am being a selfish bitch for leaving...the weird thing is I am actually okay with that. Okay, so I am not %100 okay with that thought- considering through out this whole experience one of my biggest lessons learned is never to judge anyone without knowing what it is like to be in their shoes. I could go off on a huge tangent right now but I will spare you before this becomes a rant.

It seems like a rather bold and unnecessary move to make...leaving Germany and going to culinary school and all..but I guess you could describe it as an Eat Pray Love moment. You know...the moment where Elizabeth Gilbert gets up in the middle of the night and cries on the bathroom floor thinking how much she doesn't want to be living the life she is living? Alright, so it wasn't quite that dramatic. If I woke up in the middle of the night and laid on the bathroom floor crying I would find myself face first in a pair of dirty boxer briefs and I am not divorcing my husband or going to India. The concept of finding myself is a long the same lines however. I need to find myself, and I don't want to let my dreams just be dreams. Going to culinary school has been a dream of mine for a long time and I don't think I could live with myself if I never sought it out. Better now than when I am in my 30's barefoot and pregnant right? At least I am not abandoning any children.

Just so there is no confusion- I love Germany. It is beautiful here and I in no way, shape, or form, have any problems with the country or the people. In fact, I made more German friends than I did with other American military spouses. All through the internet of course ( in true Amber fashion ). They were a great help in trying to get me acquainted with their country, and get me signed up for the marathon here that I have been training for..yet am leaving 3 days before. My real problem lies in the fact that I suck at being outgoing enough to really fit into this military community. I applied to jobs with no luck, and it doesn't help that a lot of the spouses have been here together for a few years now. I am the new kid in class. The weird one that no one wants to play with unless they are given some sort of incentive or forced by the teacher.

Although it is not in the best of circumstances I am really looking forward to finally getting to go to culinary school. I feel selfish for making such a huge decision as this, but at the same time I feel brave.

If you have never seen Eat Pray Love..check out this trailer. Then go see it.

Paris!

2011-04-07T05:25:00.000-07:00

I think this is the biggest break from blogging I have taken in a long time. I am beginning to feel like one of those bloggers that just kind of starts posting less and less and then before you know it they disappear completely to leave their blog looking kind of like this..

I am not ready to desert my blog. Not even for weeks at a time like I have been doing. So on that note. I have a lot of updates. ( well, for someone who usually has nothing new to say ).

We finally got to go to Paris, and it was fantastic. Never in my life did I think I would ever get to go.

As every trip should, it started off with some last minute packing

After leaving the bedroom a complete mess we began our little adventure which started off a bit rocky when we found out that our phone navigations stopped working once we crossed the boarder into France. Awesome. We had absolutely no maps, and not even an address to find our hotel. I can't find my way out of a paper bag, let alone find a hotel in Paris with absolutely no navigation. Eric could probably find his way out of a paper bag but this situation was more like trying to find your way out of a box surrounded by concrete 20,000 leagues under the sea. Our only hope was to find some wifi so that we could bring up the address on our phones with the internet. Luckily we spotted a McDonalds off of the autobahn. Normally I don't get anywhere near McDonalds, and blame them for the high percentage of heart disease and factory farming in America but that day...McDonalds saved our lives. I was able to pull up the map on my iphone and keep it open until we successfully reached our destination. So thanks Micky D's. I still won't eat your food but I will take your WiFi it was delicious.

We didn't make it to our hotel until about 5:30pm and being the old lady that I am I was famished and ready for dinner. But come to find out...French people don't eat dinner until around 9:00pm. At the usual dinner time for old ladies like me the French would be boozing it up in the cafe's and enjoy their meals of alcohol and cigarettes. I was starving but we couldn't find a place that was serving dinner. So we decided to walk around and kill some time.

We walked around the Eiffel tower and worked up an even bigger appetite avoiding annoying vendors with glow sticks trying to steal our money. I was so hungry I could of eaten Ratatouille- and I am not talking about the dish ratatouille.

Around 8:00pm we finally just ended up at the sketchy ass pizzeria restaurant next to our hotel. We were convinced that French people didn't get fat because they just didn't eat. About 50 dollars later for a horrible meal we went back to the hotel looking forward to what the next day had in store.

I woke up the next morning to hammering noises coming from outside. There was a farmer's market being set up right outside our hotel. Holy crap, they must of known I was coming. I am addicted to farmers markets. Even if I don't buy anything, I just like going to them and looking around. You really get a taste of culture by attending them. It is sort of like food anthropology. I ate my breakfast of Clif bars while I watched them set up. Here is the result:

Their farmer's markets offer so much more than the ones in the states. They don't set up meat stations like this where I am from.

That's a lot of cheese.

more cheese

You will have to excuse the blurry pictures, I forgot the battery to my SLR at home so I got to deal with just a point and shoot..which led to point and blur.

I am not really sure what this is...but it smelled good.

Notice that big one in the middle's name is Colin. ( love you brother ).

Gotta have those sweets.

After the farmer's market we headed over to some common tourists attractions, here are a few pics I took before my camera battery died.

I was hoping to see Tom Hanks but...all I got was this lousy photo.

It is funny when I look at these pictures, I wonder how many other's photo's I will forever be creeping in.

We had a bit more restaurant success the next day. We had lunch at a little place across the river from here and was glad that it turned out exponentially better than the dinner we had the night before. We ended up eating at an Italian place for dinner because I just don't think I was meant to be French and eat at 9pm. Julia Child had it all wrong. Italian food is where it is at! I had one of the best pizza's I have had in a long time.

We went a few more places throughout the day but my camera died so this is all I got from the trip. Even though we had a stream of bad luck, the trip was still amazing and I feel so lucky to be able to say that I have gone to Paris!

More updates tomorrow...

What trips are you looking forward to this summer?

I'm Going to Paris?

2011-03-18T22:40:00.000-07:00

Today is the big day. I am going to Paris! That sounds so weird to say. I never thought that I would actually get to go to Paris. I had always imagined myself walking down the streets of Paris, standing in awe of the eiffel tower, and enjoying French food, but I figured this image would simply remain in my head. The closest I ever expected to get to Paris was watching National Lampoon's European Vacation or my new favorite Julie and Julia.
Well today, that image of Paris will not only be limited to my head, or my tv screen. It is about to become a reality and living within driving distance is an even crazier thought to absorb.

The morning has already gotten off to a rocky start however. Not only is it cold and rainy but our phones have been shut off due to an ongoing problem with the phone company. If you ever move to Germany. Do NOT use Vodafone as your cell phone provider. They are the devil.

Well, off to be a stupid tourist...pictures to come!

Vegetarian To Omnivore

2011-03-09T05:46:00.000-08:00

This post is a very difficult one to write. I spent a few days writing down notes and trying to find the right words to say, and come across in a way that doesn’t piss anyone off. Truth is, I don’t think there is any way around that so I am just going to have to speak my mind and let the words flow from the heart. So here it goes.

Last thursday, I ended my five years of vegetarianism. Before you assume that I just couldn’t resist the taste of animal flesh any longer- the reason I decided to return to being an omnivore was for health reasons. I felt great on a vegetarian diet for a long time, but the last six months or so, I felt my health start to decline. My energy was low, I felt weak, I was really anxious and had a lot of ups and downs in my mood and had this strange sort of foggy brain feeling. I also started to notice that my hair was falling out even more than usual. ( I have been known to clog drains ).

Tired of feeling tired, I began to do some more research on ways I could improve my diet. I started reading on different types of diets and listening to podcasts with speakers from a raw vegan diet to speakers with a paleo diet. ( And everything in between ). I began questioning whether vegetarianism was still right for me. I started weighing the pro’s and con’s but decided to stick to my vegetarian diet.

The next few months ( while also marathon training ) I tried all that I could to reach optimal performance. I tried eating more veggies, raw veggies, nuts, seeds, fruit, no fruit, more eggs...etc. etc. nothing seemed to help. My recovery times after hard workouts or long runs seemed way to long. I began to think that maybe adding adding meat to my diet could be the missing link. The thought of it horrified me. What would people think of me if I started eating meat again? Would I be seen as a hypocrite? A failure? Thrown into a pit and stoned to death by fellow vegetarians? Would it mean that I was less of a person? Less spiritual or compassionate? I had seen ex-vegetarians torn to pieces by vegetarians/vegans and was completely terrified. There was no way. But I wanted to feel better. What if eating meat helped me feel better? That question continued to nag me until I listened to a podcast (Underground Wellness by Sean Croxton) interview with a very wise woman named Zoe Harcombe. She talked about how she used to be a vegetarian, but then realized that there were nutrients that she was missing out on where animal products were not just the best source, but the only source. She says she loves animals just as much now, but she feels indebted to them, that she needs to thank them for being there for her to eat. ( she mentions she will not however, eat factory farm rubbish. ) She said she wants to eat the animals that have had a good life, grazed in open fields and were raised humanely and then thank them for being there for her and providing her much needed nutrients. - To vegans/vegetarians this sounds like just another excuse to eat meat. I know. I have been there and have thought these exact things. But as Sean said in response “My physiology really doesn’t know animal cruelty.”

A couple of days after listening to this podcast, I finally decided it was time to give meat a try. I reserved all rights to move back to a plant based diet, and just see how my body felt as I shifted back to being an omnivore.

My first omnivourous meal included a bit of chicken. I must of sat down with my plate of food and just stared at it for 5 minutes repeatedly asking myself if I really wanted to do this...but I really wanted to feel better and was willing to try anything. Before I could give it a try I realized I had forgotten a knife. I can’t remember the last time I actually had to use a knife with my dinner. You don’t have many tough things to cut through when you are a vegetarian. I looked back at the poor little chicken breast and said "sorry chicken. I have to eat you now." Following Zoe’s feeling of being indebted to animals I thanked it for it’s life and took a bite.

There is something I must clarify at this moment. Through my 5 years of vegetarianism I did not crave meat, but I am not afraid to admit that, the first bite of chicken tasted extremely good. I had completely forgotten what meat had tasted like and instantly realized why omnivores find mock meat items un-appealing. Not only did it taste good but it tasted right. By right I mean I didn’t feel a sense of guilt like I thought I would. I could of told you that I had to plug my nose and close my eyes as I ate the chicken in disgust but that would be a lie. I am not here to lie, and if this experience can help open other peoples eyes about their diet whether it be vegetarian or not, than this blog is worth any harsh criticism it may receive.

It has been almost a week since I ventured back to the omni lifestyle and I have since had some chicken and fish. So far I have noticed less anxiety and I am a lot more mentally alert. I was so used to feeling in a fog that I had just passed it off as being normal. Who knew that being alert and being able to focus could be so easy?

Not only am I feeling better mentally and physically, but also spiritually. The thought of vegetarianism of being this sort of superior spiritual state is a lot of weight to hold on your shoulders. I feel humbled in returning to the Omni world. There is no sense of superiority. I am just like everyone else and I feel more in touch with life and death - like I have re-entered the “circle of life”. It is hard to explain but I am at peace.

Many people might wonder if I regret being a vegetarian for 5 years. The answer is no. It made me aware of my food choices, and helped me really research where my food was coming from. Most importantly it helped me find my passion for cooking. I learned a lot in those 5 years and I am very thankful for that.

Although I have returned to being an Omnivore, as Zoe Harcombe said “I won’t eat that factory farm rubbish” I will still be very careful about my choices and what sort of animal products I buy and put into my body. I won’t eat just any meat, and eating meat again doesn’t mean I will be eating McDonalds and Taco Bell. I refuse to become disconnected with my food and will still be eating real, healthy, unprocessed foods and buy them as locally as possible in order to support the farmers that raise their animals properly. We will never live in a meatless world (if you still believe we will, then you are dreaming ) so why not support those who are raising animals properly?

Eating meat again is a strange feeling. Giving it up for 5 years really makes you appreciate it so much more. Not only that but I can actually open a cookbook and cook any recipe I choose. I don’t have to skim through for vegetarian recipes or try to think of ways to sub this or that in order to give it a meaty texture or think about combining foods in order to get all the complete proteins I need. I feel like I have discovered a whole new world in cooking. It will be quite an adventure cooking things for the first time. My food blog will definitely be getting a bit of a makeover.

Well, that is it for now. Vegans/vegetarians- feel free to tear me to pieces, or offer your support if you have ever found yourself in a similar situation.

Whats up Omni's?

Happy Lent everybody...needless to say I won’t be giving up meat.

I Dyed

2011-02-22T06:11:00.001-08:00

Your probably reading the title of this post and thinking I am a horrible speller...or if you are a horrible speller you might be wondering how I could be typing this if I was dead. Well I am not dead *shocker* and the title holds no spelling errors. By dyed I mean I dyed my hair for the first time in my life.

I had been thinking about dying my hair for quite some time now, but my hair was the only thing anyone ever complimented me on so I was hesitant to get rid of my one physical feature that people might see as being "pretty". Whenever I go to a new hairdresser I always get asked if my hair is my natural color, followed by a "wow you are so lucky". I wouldn't say lucky...maybe if I was someone who appreciated hair but I am way too lazy and end up putting my hair in a ponytail anyways so it didn't really matter to me.

Well last weekend I not only dyed my hair for the first time, but I dyed it twice in a two day period. It all started Saturday. After breakfast Eric and I decided to head to the PX ( post exchange A.K.A. Walmart of the military ) to see if we could find some tubes to fit our bikes we had so joyously ridden through patches of thorns. They didn't have the right tires we were looking for...but somehow we managed to walk out with a basketball, a water filter, a video game, and hair dye. Boredom can cause you to purchase the strangest things.

The hair dye I had walked out with was auburn/amber red. Eric suggested I go for a brighter red but I had seen way too many red hair dye jobs gone wrong and didn't feel the need for my hair color to be described as "fire engine red". The color on the package looked pretty bright and I imagined that since so many people made the mistake of dying their hair a brighter shade of red than intended that the color they showed on the package was deceiving. Nope. I had dyed my hair, but I dyed it the same color. Go me. Thinking I was about to take a risk for once in my life, I was a bit disappointed with outcome. It was not exactly the change I was looking for. Or even a change at all.

The next day we returned to the PX. Since I had already died my hair, I thought I might as well go for it again right? I wanted something a little more drastic. Eric suggested I opt for blonde but I couldn't see myself as a blonde. That is like switching to a whole other race. How could I betray my brunette heritage? There was no way I would voluntarily subject myself to blonde jokes. So instead, I opted for black. My hand quivered as I picked up the package and headed to checkout.

We returned home and prepared to once again subject my head to harsh chemicals, near gagging smells, and a straight man running the dye through my tangled hair making me scream loud enough with hopes the nearest gay man would come to my rescue. - Yes I trusted my husband to dye my hair. Plus I had someone to blame if it turned out horrible. Kudos to him though because I think he did a way better job than I could of done and I must say I am pretty happy with the ends result. I think he missed his calling. It was definitely the change I was looking for. Funny the things that boredom can lead you to do.

Oh, you want pictures? Well you have to leave me comments first...

Saturday Adventure

2011-02-14T00:44:00.000-08:00

I was supposed to be running, but I couldn't focus. I was in the mood to explore. The thought of skipping a training run made me anxious, but I just wasn't feeling it. I had been cooped up in the house all week and a run was not going to cure my cabin fever.I'll just change my run to Sunday's And off I went to wake Eric from his coma-like state.

We started off our adventure by taking the train. Normally we take the car when we go downtown but the train really immerses you into the culture and you feel more connected to your surroundings and get to see some things you normally don't get to see traveling by car.

After my first train experience we decided it was time I get to experience my first taste of German bread. Lucky for us our train stop took us right to a place called Grimminger. Grimminger's is like the Starbucks of bread. Or at least a Pete's. The bread shops you see the most in the area are Kamps and Grimminger. There is a Grimminger bakery on nearly every corner. We couldn't resist.

We ended up with a bread called rosinenbrot a.k.a. raisin bread. It was delicious.

I savored every bite and tried to decipher it's ingredients in order to attempt to re-create it in my own kitchen. It was sweet, but not too sweet, and the crumb had an amazing flavor. The outside was brushed with an egg wash and the inside was as soft as cotton candy. It was un-like any American bread I had ever had.

While we ate our bread we decided to make our way to the farmer's market, but made a few stops along the way.

Our first stop along the way was the Schloss. (Castle ) It is a mighty fine looking structure I must say.

I wanted so badly to go inside. Seeing this tour group made me wonder if they tour the inside as well as the outside.

We did get go inside the church however.

You just don't see church's like this anymore, but little did I know this was nothing compared to the church we would walk into next.

I was in awe when I walked into this church. You could almost feel a presence. A feeling you don't always feel when walking into the more modern church's.

One of the coolest features of this church is this organ. Apparently Mozart has had a go at it before. Amazing.

No matter how hard I tried a picture just could not capture the complete awesomeness of this church so here is a little video of it as well.

After the church visits we finally made it to the farmers market. We didn't buy anything but it was fun walking through it. There was such an array of produce that it created a rainbow effect.

Of course, it wouldn't be complete without some sausages.

After the farmer's market we worked up a bit of an appetite and decided to scout out a place to eat lunch. We came across a place called Maredo's and stopped to browse their outside menu. Upon examination I saw that they had Veggie Fajitas. There is a God! There was no doubt in my mind this would be our lunch stop. Watch out veggie fajitas here I come.

Eating at German restaurant was a bit of an experience. It makes it a little awkward not knowing the language but the staff knew enough English and we didn't have any problems. It is "Awkward but doable". As Eric puts it.

The best part of the lunch experience was getting to see the differences in culture, and how it presents itself in the food and dining atmosphere. Not only do they allow dogs in stores, but they allow them in restaurants ( how cool is that? ) We had quite the adorable Spaniel seated to our left.

Another difference is the way they serve their beverages. If you order soda they give you a glass marked with a measurement for them to know how much to put in. There are no re-fills ( unless you pay more ) so they make sure they don't rob you of your money. They also don't serve beverages with ice, although they were still cold. If you order water, it is always mineral water. (carbonated water ). Most Americans would probably find this gross but I actually prefer mineral water so I didn't mind one bit. Another difference was the serving of bread in place of chips and salsa.

At first we were a bit disappointed, but after tasting the bread, the initial feelings of disappointment were forgotten. It was so warm and fresh. Delightfully crusty on the outside, and pillowy soft on the inside. It was served with some sort of dip but I didn't try it due to my wonderful lactose intolerance. Eric informed me it was delicious though.

Now onto the Entree's

Eric had salmon with shrimp over greens. ( he didn't eat the greens of course ). I think they love french fries more than Americans because they seem to serve them with just about everything. Those disappeared from his plate pretty quickly.

And for the Veggie Fajitas:

The veggie fajitas were amazing. The tortillas were fantastic, and they definitely know how to cook their veggies.

If I were to rate them on my veggie fajita rating scale they would be right between Chevy's and Pancho Villas. With the addition of rice, beans, and guacamole they might have even be my #1 favorite. I have a feeling we will be back.

I no longer feel guilty about switching up my training schedule a bit. I think I needed this day more than anything and hope that there are many more like these to come.

I Wreak of American

2011-02-02T03:57:00.000-08:00

The other day I was out running as usual. Frozen hands and face included. I am not really sure if there is a German etiquette on snot rockets while running but if I don't launch the rockets they turn into horrifying snotsickles that freeze to your nose hairs and stab you in the nostril. You don't want ice on the wings right? I also find myself wanting to spit more with the cold so I really hope I am not offending anyone. I usually wait until I am deep into the woods before I turn into snot launching mucous producing machine but sometimes I forget where I am.
Anyways, I was about half way through an 8 mile run making a circle around the animal park.

I was right here to be exact. ( the weather obviously being different since I took these in the fall ). During the week I usually see groups of children admiring the pigs and the buffalo, and the older folks walking around with their walking poles. ( Which are the same as ski poles ).

I continued to run on down the path and I passed an older gentlemen who had stopped to admire the buffalo. As I passed he smiled at me and said Morgen! He was so cheerful I couldn't help but try and return the greeting. But with the cold, my social retardedness, and lack of German all I could get out was. "Orgen" followed by a smile. Wow, what the hell did I just say? I brushed it off and turned the corner to the loop. I was at the half way point of the loop when I saw the old man again walking towards me. This time as I passed him he smiled at me and said "hi!" and let out a chuckle. I let out a laugh and a nod, still thinking I could get away with passing as German if I just didn't speak, but It was already too late. My cover was blown.

So now I have a new goal. Be able to properly greet someone in German without making a fool of myself.

Wish me luck.

The Bridge

2011-02-01T04:19:00.000-08:00

The notorious Golden Gate bridge in San Francisco. I used to call it the Full House bridge when I was little. You might recognize it from various movies, or perhaps you have even driven or walked across it. I would always look at it in awe, and admire it's complete golden awesomeness. ( I still think it is more of an orange color ). As of a few days ago, I have a whole new perspective of it.

The other day I watched a film called The Bridge. Here is the trailer.

You can find the whole film on Hulu here.

I still can't get the images of this film out of my head. There is no way to really explain the feeling of watching the last moments of someone's life. One minute they are alive, and dead the next. You want so badly to help them but the deed has already been done. My heart aches for these people who took their lives and how horrible they must of felt to see death as being the best option.

One of the most powerful moments of the film is when they interviewed a guy who survived the leap. He talked about how he hurdled himself off over the railing but then as soon as his hands left the metal he thought. "I don't want to die." Well, he was lucky enough to survive. But it makes you wonder if other people think the same thing on their way down.

This film is definitely gut wrenching, but it makes me feel so thankful for what I have. I know I am not alone. I may feel alone sometimes but I know it's not permanent and that I have people who love me and watch out for me. It makes me thankful that I am alive and makes me want to live life to the fullest. I just want to enjoy life. I want to jump for joy and use bridges strictly for getting to one place to the next. Whether it be a physical bridge I am crossing to travel, or a bridge in life taking me from one stage to the next. I am along for the ride.

Plan B

2011-01-29T10:57:00.000-08:00

I have been having a hard time blogging lately. Not necessarily due to writers block but due to the fact that I am tired of writing blogs about being homesick. Sure I am still homesick, but I guess it is time I realize there is nothing I can do about it. Suck it up right? I am trying to switch my frame of mind from wanting things I had back in the States to taking in and learning as much as I can while I am here. The culture, the architecture, and the scenery is amazing. There is so much more to see and learn.

Speaking of learning yesterday I applied to UMUC ( University of Maryland ). Sure, I wanted my next school to be a culinary school but that isn't really an option right now. My second choice would of been a school with a good holistic nutrition program, but that isn't an option either...so onto my third choice: English. I have considered this major in the past but then the image of me in a grey pencil skirt with ripped stockings, a tight hair bun with ever so carefully placed chopsticks, standing in front of a bunch of pubescent teenagers trying to teach vocab as they texted their friends about how bored they were. Yikes.

I am really hoping that image will not become reality. I can hope that an English major can offer me more options besides teaching. Being a woman of few spoken words, I have a ton of words stored up in my head. I love the English language. Reading it, studying it, and writing it. I also find it ironic that I will be studying English in Germany.

Regardless of what the outcome is, I am excited to get back to school, and back on the positive thinking wagon. At least I am not the kid getting yelled at in the apartment above us right now.

Logos and Dreams

2011-01-24T00:09:00.000-08:00

Just do it. The mantra made famous by the all powerful Nike brand. As I slipped off my shoes the other night before bed this familiar logo caught my eye. I stared at the logo as a flash of memories started to flood my brain.

Being completely obsessed with sports when I was younger, I had forgotten how much this symbol meant to me. When I looked at it, it gave me feelings of hope, strength, power, and confidence. I know, it's a freaking shoe... but back then it was also a dream. Surely one day I would be a professional basketball player and trade in my Penny Hardaways for a shoe with my own name neatly stitched on the back. I would play for the Monarchs, straight out of high school and be the Kobe Bryant of the WNBA.

Needless to say, this didn't exactly happen. Not only did I not make it to the WNBA but I quit playing basketball my Sophomore year of High School and my identity crisis began. I had watched my brother play Varsity basketball for years and waited my turn to play Varsity basketball with great anticipation. So why did I quit? That is a long story in itself. One that doesn't require much more explanation than a few words. My choice words would be: politics, recruiting, and burn out.

The upside to this story was that I did get to play 4 years of Varsity high school soccer. Without my soccer coaches, and those 4 years, I would be even more of an train wreck than I am today. The first two years of soccer were the most memorable. I had two of the best soccer coaches that I looked up to more than anyone at the time. They made such an impact on me that I still hear their voices in my head when I need to push myself in running. They created the phrase I say to myself when I feel my body starting to fatigue. "Push it Amber, push it!" ( yes I talk to myself. )

I have yet to come across a run that has been as difficult as one of their soccer practices. I can still hear coach Ron and coach Colleen telling us to keep going, to push, and telling us we could do it. I remember doing sprints at the end of a soccer practice thinking I had nothing left in me, but yet somehow, managed to crank out a set of sprints without collapsing.

Training for a marathon, and pushing my running give me a new sense of hope. Not exactly the " I am going to be a professional runner with my name stitched into a nike shoe hope." But the kind of hope to be able to push through hard times and achieve goals that I didn't know were possible.

And yes, I did in fact rock these shoes and I don't regret it one bit.

Summer Camp

2011-01-19T05:05:00.000-08:00

I have been wanting to post a blog for a few days now, but have been at loss of what to write because I have the same things on my mind. Some things I would rather not blog about, and then other things I have already blogged about. Such as being homesick, and being lost. I am still homesick, and perhaps even more lost.

I think my homesickness has reached a whole new level today. It's not just like a I miss mexican food, the English language, or driving a car, kind of homesick...it's the I want to come home from summer camp kind of homesick. The kind that makes you a little sick to your stomach with a minor panic feeling of being eternally doomed to a whole summer with kids who think you have koodies.

I keep thinking about Saturday mornings at the Farmer's market, cooking a Saturday evening dinner, hanging out with my best friends and laughing so hard I almost pee myself. It has been so long since I have almost pee'd myself and that is not a good thing.

I know what you're thinking. Amber, you are in Europe. Explore, enjoy yourself, what is wrong with you? Well there are a lot of things wrong with me and one of them being that I am horrible at making friends. I can only enjoy so much on my own. Sharing a moment with someone else is half the fun. If that wasn't true then Twitter wouldn't exist. People want to share as many moments as they can with others. Whether they are significant moments, insignificant moments, or just thoughts...we tweet them, share them on Facebook, Instagram, or heaven forbid on Myspace.
The next question you are probably thinking: What about your husband? Well let me tell you. Weekends are splendid. I don't feel alone on weekends when Eric is off. We get to do things together and I love it. Unfortunately, the weekend is only 2 days out of the very long week.

Marathon training is a little bit of a distraction for me during the week, but I had a brief run in with some back/hip pain and the thought of having absolutely no distraction or anything to work toward crossed my mind and it terrified me. I wish I had something else to work towards as well, I just don't know what that would be. I don't have a whole lot to offer.

Spammer Jammer

2011-01-15T04:05:00.000-08:00

There comes a time in life where you have to ask yourself. How in the world do I have 852 spam e-mails? I do have to admit though, they make me laugh. Let's take a look at what kind of spam we are looking at here...

Delete all spam messages now (messages that have been in Spam more than 30 days will be automatically deleted)

DELL Computers	Delivery Notice: Dell XPS Laptop Pending Delivery - Check Status	12:47 pm
Helen	My friend dropped her cell phone in the toilet, look at the picture...lol!‎ - Hey, check out my new cell phone, I love it: http://itmowitfly.com/yxppu686d26zxr8cppnq My cell …	12:25 pm
David	Hey, check out the photos of my sexy smile‎ - Hey, check out the photos of my sexy smile: http://donethumb.com/tsd28r4ec4vbbhtipsbq Dental …	12:15 pm
Karen	Social Security Benefits Info for amberhaas11@gmail.com‎ - 01/15/2011 Your Social Security Claim info. Go here: http://baledmocha.com/rsl4cvuuxppr2dqyqcja …	12:10 pm
Prevention	Banish "bra fat" with one easy move!‎ - New! 15-minute secret to a Yoga-Slim Body Try Slim Calm Sexy free for 21 days Beauty on the …	11:43 am
Emotional Health From Ev.	Overcome Your Fears With Jillian Michaels‎ - amberhaas11@gmail.com, you are receiving this e-mail because you subscribed to Everyday Health …	7:14 am
Prevention	Get the Walk Off Weight Journal FREE!‎ - Order Walk Off Weight today! Order Walk Off Weight today! Order Walk Off Weight today! Dear Amber …	1:45 am
Bare Lifts Bra	Lift your chest without surgery‎ - Invisible Support System - Click Here Click on Show Images Above Click on Show Images Above	12:43 am
Home Warranty 2	Do you own a home? If you do you should own a Home Warranty. Get a free quote today!‎ - Are you covered if the heating & cooling system in your home breaks down? - Click Here	12:26 am
Official Pasta Boat	Make cooking pasta as easy as 1,2,3.‎ - The fast way to serve perfect pasta. - Click Here	Jan 14
DreamHoroscope	Check your horoscope - now‎ - If you do not wish to receive messages like this in the future please unsubscribe here or you can …	Jan 14
Women's Health Magazine

These are only the top 12 of my 800 or so spam mails, but my personal favorite is the one from Helen. It would actually be pretty funny if someone dropped their phone in the toilet and it snapped a photo, but it would also be pretty freaking disgusting and there is no way I would open that e-mail spam or not. I will think about that "lift your chest without surgery" e-mail though. Maybe I should see what my horoscope says.

What was the weirdest spam mail you have ever received?

Inspiration

2011-01-14T03:39:00.000-08:00

Inspiration. I love being inspired, and someday I hope to inspire others. I am not really sure how, but I feel like my main goal and purpose in life is to inspire someone in some way or another. Whether big or small, making an impact in someone else's life in a positive way seems like one of life's greatest accomplishments. I am not much of an inspirer at the moment. I am at a point in my life where I am the one needing inspiration and sucking in as much as I can. I am still journeying through life trying to find my niche, trying to find out who I am, and how to use that to inspire others and use it to make a positive impact on this world.

I am a pretty quiet person, and may not show it often, but in reality I am a very passionate person. I love seeing other people as passionate as I am about something. I watch them, study them, research them ( basically stalk them ). I feed off their energy. It inspires me, and someday I hope to do the same for others. I hope to always be passionate about something in life. I think everyone needs a passion.

What's yours?

Sometimes I Feel Homesick

2011-01-08T22:45:00.000-08:00

If you are living in the States and have always dreamed of a trip to Europe than you probably won't understand this post very well. Don't get me wrong, Germany is awesome. There are so many things to do, and so many things to see...but after awhile when simple everyday tasks become difficult because of the language barrier, or difference in culture, you start to miss the simplicity you used to have. Simple things like shopping, driving, finding and using a public toilet, getting internet under two months, and signing up for a marathon all become overly complicated and draining.

Yes, half of these simple tasks gone wrong are probably mostly due to my inability to be confident and get things done, but it feels horrible to have back-stepped so far into my shell. I have never completely broken out of my shell but I feel like I was able to reach a hand out before I left, and now I have completely sucked myself back in so far that I can't even see the opening.

I don't consider myself an independent person. I always seem to rely on someone for something but I have completely given up any independence I had. I can't even go on a full grocery shopping trip on my own.

I think I will stop before I turn this blog into an ongoing irrational sob story. Some days are better than other's. But there are days like today where I feel particularly homesick and I decide to spill whatever comes to mind. I have been on an emotional roller coater these past few months. Thanks for hanging on for the ride.

Run For Life

2011-01-06T22:45:00.000-08:00

So far the year of 2011 has been treating me well. I am excited to see what the rest of the year has in store for me, but the most exciting thing it has brought to me so far is the idea of taking my running to a whole new level. I not only aspire to run a marathon this year, but to run it well. By well, I mean fast. I don't expect to run it at elite marathoner status, but it would be a lie if I said I didn't hope to be able to run "elite" fast someday.

To make sure that I didn't chicken out and actually start training for a marathon I hired a coach. I know, it seems kind of dumb considering I am a personal trainer and should be able to train without the help of a coach, but guess what...even the best personal trainers, have their own trainers. ( Yes I am talking about Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper from the Biggest Loser ). It is good to have someone else pushing you when your brain fails to do so. Having a coach will encourage me to put in the effort I need for training, it will bring encouragement, motivation, and prevent me from injuring myself.

I have been wandering around these past couple months feeling a little off. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it just felt like something was missing. I woke up every morning without a sense of purpose, and nothing to work toward. It sucked. But on a run one morning it hit me. Dude, why don't you just do a freaking marathon already. Stop being a pussy. Oh and since you have all the time in the world to train and nothing holding you back, put all of your heart into it. Give it everything you got. So that is what I plan to do. I know it is only week one of training, and I have a measly 9 miles of a long run tomorrow, but just having that feeling of trying to reach a goal, and having a purpose gives every day a lot more meaning. Don't get me wrong, I am terrified. But for the first time in awhile I feel alive.

I couldn't ask for more.

One Year Later

2011-01-02T03:10:00.000-08:00

It has been a whole year since I started this blog. I just took a look back at my first post, and remember some of the reasons I started blogging. I remember I had just recently botched another interview because of my inability to spit out any of the words that ran through my mind. I was feeling pretty down and was tired of never being able to express my true thoughts, or be myself.

So have I changed? Well, yes and no. I have not magically kicked my shyness to the curb and become the life of the party. I have not been able to master the job interview process, carry on a proper small talk conversation, or even ask for a dressing room key in a department store. But I am slowly realizing that dwelling on these things just further disappoints me and throws me deeper into my hobbit hole. I verbally abuse myself on a daily basis over these things, and I am tired of it. Instead of finding out who I am, and having confidence in myself all I can think about is who I am not, and who I wished I was. One of my greatest hurdles is not knowing who I am. How can anyone be confident without an identity?

So on that note, I would like to start this year off as a journey of self discovery. I want to find confidence, joy, and learn to love myself as I am.

Cheers to another year of blogging. I can't wait to see what this year has in store.

Goodbye 2010

2010-12-31T14:23:00.000-08:00

Only one hour to go and it will officially be 2011. I must say that I have a lot of hope for 2011. I am wanting my biggest focus to be on running but I am also holding onto some other small hopes. I am actually a little foggy headed at the moment seeing as it is way past my bedtime. The only reason I am still awake right now is the fact that I made some deliciously sugary cookies. ( mostly healthy of course ). I am too tired to think in depth of what I hope to capture in this new year, but I will say that I hope that it will come with lots of joy and personal growth.

Not only is tomorrow the New Year but the day after that ( Jan. 2nd ) is the first birthday of this blog. Yep I typed up my first blog on Jan. 2nd 2010. Yay go me.

Happy New Year everyone!

Running for Resolutions

2010-12-29T22:38:00.000-08:00

Resolutions, resolutions...that subject is all the rage these days. Probably because the year 2010 is almost over. Which makes me a little nervous because not only am I usually a complete failure at any sort of resolution but the year is changing to and odd number. 2011 is just not as pretty to look at. Number eleven was my number throughout my high school soccer career however so perhaps it will be a good year. So onto those New Years resolutions:

I have a few resolutions, but most importantly I would like to focus on running. I want to make 2011 the year that I run my first marathon. Not only do I want to run my first marathon, but I want to push myself harder. I would like to see what I am capable of by actually following a training plan and not just going out and running when and how far I feel like. Sure I may never be "elite runner status" or be running for the Olympic team, but I want to know what my body's full potential is. I am getting older so I feel now is a good time to really dig deep and give it my all. I have the time, energy, and great places to run. Why not right? Any coaches out there?

So now you know what my New Years resolution is. I have a few others but I think I will save those for future blogs and when I have internet that doesn't log off every 5 minutes, forcing me to type a million words a minute and skip the editing step. Just kidding I never edit my blogs. I am way to lazy for that. You should know that.

For a little update...we might be getting internet today. Cross your fingers.

Happy Thursday

Update

2010-12-09T22:55:00.001-08:00

Just thought I would do a quick update for you all. No, I am not neglecting my blog, I have not mysteriously gotten busier since moving to Germany, or become too lazy to blog. However, I still do not have Internet which is seriously digging into my blogging time. Sure I could thumb out blogs on my iPhone but I feel like I rush them more this way. The screen is so small that it narrows my thought process. Not to mention the thought of some seriously wrong and potentially embarrassing auto correct words.

Anyways... I should have Internet again starting the 13th and then DSL by the 20th if all goes as planned. So goodbye for now, and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight.

Call It What You Want

2010-11-30T04:06:00.001-08:00

Shyness, social anxiety, insecurity, call it what you want, all I know is that it is equally impairing no matter what you label it. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. If you have never dealt with shyness or anxiety then consider yourself very blessed.

I have found trying to explain being shy or socially anxious to those who have never experienced it before to be exhausting and in the end you get nowhere because all they have to offer you is what you have been trying to offer yourself for years. Really? All I have to do is get out of my comfort zone and stop caring so much about what other people think? Why didn't I think of that? You mean all I have to do is talk? I just need to grow up and get over it? Wow that seems so simple.

If only it was.

Then you have the people that tell you how they used to be "so shy" but somehow they managed to pull themselves from the depths of shy's hell and try to offer you the advice that helped them overcome it. Thanks for the advice but it is like putting your car key in someone else's ignition. It might seem to fit but it won't make it go anywhere.

So what is being shy really like? Well it is like being imprisoned in your own head. I really do have a lot to say but getting the words out there is whole other story. Being shy has gotten in the way of so many things In my life and I am at my wits end. It has gotten in the way of potential jobs, school, relationships, and just in stupid little everyday situations that normal people wouldn't even think twice about. Every social encounter feels like a TSA Patdown. I feel Exposed, violated, and exhausted.

So why can't I just try stepping out of my comfort zone? Well, the good news is that I can, but it is also mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausting so it has to be small amounts at a time.. And normally people give up on me before I can make any sort of progress. Expecting me to magically break out of my shell is like expecting a 300 pound asthmatic obese person to run a marathon with no training.

You might be wondering... Physically exhausting? How can that be? Well social situations are more tiring to me than my daily 7 mile run. I don't leave with a runners high, I leave with a headache.

I think what angers me the most about being shy is that I feel that people don't really know me. They see me as the quiet, boring, awkward person instead of the passionate, opinionated, creative, and completely awesome ( ok maybe not ) person that I feel like on the inside. It is like being in a dark prison screaming for someone to let you out but not a soul can hear you.

There is a constant inner battle going on in my head and I am so tired of fighting. I love words. I love talking. But why can't I? Why cant I just be normal?

Happiness Only Exists When Shared

2010-11-26T04:21:00.001-08:00

"Happiness only exists when shared". Although it had been years since I heard this quote from the movie Into The Wild it recently popped into my head and I have found it to be very true. ( who knew? ) I have been able to experience a lot if new things lately. Beautiful scenery, new surroundings, and different cultures...but it is hard to truly enjoy these things without having someone to share it with. There are the times that I get to share some of these experiences with my husband when he is not working but a lot of the time It ends up just being me and my iPhone. Thankfully I get to share some of these experiences with you through twitter or Facebook but it is not the same. I think everyday about how much I wish some of my family or friends could come visit and experience all of these things with me.

Come visit me soon? Please?

Casual Love

2010-11-18T23:13:00.001-08:00

Casual love... No, I don't mean casual sex. When I say casual love I mean using the word love in a casual way. Sure you may love your lucky charms, your new car, shoes, chipotle ( oh chipotle how I miss you and your veggie tacos ) but love loses it's value when you use it often, and casually.

I can't really say where the inspiration for this blog came but all I have to say is this: if you truly love someone, look them in the eyes and say it like you mean it. I hate the feeling of the phrase "I love you" becoming nothing but routine. I am the queen of routines and am guilty as charged for making this phrase one of mine. I feel like there is so much more I could express on this subject but seeing as though I am typing this on my phone.. My thumbs are already beginning to shut down.

On that note I will close with this: Don't say I love you unless you really mean it, and when you do, say it with passion as it should be said. Love is such a passionate thing. Don't let that die.

Who Am I?

2010-11-16T04:51:00.001-08:00

I never really knew what it meant to question who I was until now. I would hear people talking about "finding themselves" or "searching for their true selves" but I always found it strange. Who am I? You are Amber ~~Harman~~ Haas silly. Two last names... Identity crisis problem number one. But for real, thinking deeper...who am I?

I find myself wishing I was like someone else nearly 100% of the time. Wishing I was as successful as, pretty as, outgoing as, and etc as that person on tv, the Internet, or across the street. So when instead of wishing I was like someone else and think...maybe I should just be me I find that I have no idea who that is. Maybe I am afraid of me, or just don't like me, and of course I always wonder how others perceive me.

So who am I?

Good question, but I have no answer yet.

Happy Tuesday!

Hit The Wall?

2010-11-13T23:12:00.000-08:00

I feel like I have been neglecting my blog lately...probably not to other bloggers standards but to my previous blogging everyday standards...well just so you know I am not purposely neglecting it. I actually have had a lot of time to blog but the internet has been slower than a constipated puppy. I don't even know if anything I am typing right now is going to publish.

Lets just say that no car, no job, and no internet leads me with nothing left but Running, and watching movie, after movie until Eric wakes up. I can go to the commissary for cooking, but I can only carry so much. Not to mention the baggers here are worse than car salesman. They are like "flies on shit" as my mom would say. They don't get paid and work strictly off of tips so as soon as they see someone with more than one item they rush over to bag it for you and take it to your car. Problem is, I don't have a car but I still feel obligated to pay them for bagging up all two bags worth of stuff. Lame.

Anywho...off for a run. I should just see how far I can go before I hit the wall. Mmm maybe not.

Mind Tornado

2010-11-10T10:11:00.000-08:00

I feel like blogging...but the problem is I don't know where to start. I am afraid to go off on a tangent. There are a lot of things I am thinking about right now, but they are in such a jumbled mess and I am too lazy to organize them. ( Yes I am THAT lazy ). I think the biggest problem is that it is more than one emotion twirling through my mind like a tornado. I think I will let it twirl around for a bit. I am not in the storm chasers kind of mood. Hopefully it won't be too destructive. I will survey the damage later.

Happy Wednesday!

Rainy Days and No Car

2010-11-06T23:24:00.003-07:00

The sun is almost up...and the day has decided to kick off with some rain. Rain isn't so bad...I just don't particularly like running in it, and it makes walking to the commissary a little more difficult....in fact I decided to go a day without paper towels in order to avoid the cold wet misery of walking in the rain. I know, I won't melt but there is just something about walking in the cold wet rain that sends shivers down my spine. I will run in it for over an hour, but walking in it for a half mile is out of the question. Thankfully when Eric woke up he drove down tot he commissary and got my beloved paper towels.

It sucks not being able to drive. ( In case you were wondering why I didn't just drive myself to the store ). I don't have a license here. I plan on getting it eventually but I am still a little boggled by the difference in driving laws here. The autobahn is not as scary as you would think. It does have speed limits just not the whole time. Some sections will have a speed limit of 100km, then sometimes it will let you pick the speed. It is the street driving that is nuts. I will walk, bike, and take the train as much as possible. I think my bike will be most valuable to me as soon as it arrives. I can get everywhere I want by bike but unfortunately it is sitting at a port somewhere in the states waiting to be shipped over here.

Until then...I shall walk.

Out for a rainy run.

Happy Sunday! Oh and here is what's for dinner tonight www.amberhaas.com give it a try :)

Guten Tag

2010-11-06T04:43:00.000-07:00

There is nothing like a bowl of oatmeal and an early morning showing of You, Me, and Dupree. The joys of AFN TV. I don't mind it much. They do play a good amount of movies at least, even ones I would never think of watching but usually there is nothing else on leaving me no choice but to watch them and in the end I usually enjoy them. Thanks AFN. I am even starting to love their little cheesy AFN commercials. So far they have taught me to report domestic abuse, demand respect, and watch out for identity stealing e-mails. Oh what would I do without AFN commercials?

Throughout this little German journey thus far I have found myself beginning to fear the moment when all of these new sites and surroundings become familiar. I already find myself feeling guilty for not working or being of little use as Eric goes to work at night and I go to sleep. I have heard my share of "typical army wife lifestyles" and fear to ever be put in that category. If you are wondering what the definition of a "typical army wife" is, well there are a few words that are commonly used to describe them such as: Lazy, fat, dramatic, money suckers. I am sure there are words I missed but that about sums it up. Just to clarify this is not my impression or opinion of an army wife. I actually haven't met any other wives yet. This is just how I have heard them described. Pretty sad description right? You can probably see why I don't ever want to be put into the "typical army wife" category..or why I don't typically like being called an army wife. If this is the image that name portrays then that is not what I would like to be called. I have developed a rather large fear of being labeled as this, and honestly I think Army wives deserve more credit and a better name.

Anywho, hope you are all enjoying your Saturday. I miss going to the farmers market with my family and cooking my Saturday dinners. It has been hard to get a food blog up as I have not really cooked anything blog worthy...which depresses me a bit. I have learned a lot in cooking the past few months and really hope to continue to learn and develop more skills. Oh and do me a favor. If you have an awesome mexican restaurant nearby, or a chipotle...eat there for me. I miss mexican food SO much. I am as close to Mexican as Mexican gets here...and I am only a half breed... not to mention you would never know it because of my ghost-like complexion.

I think I know what is for dinner. Enchiladas anyone?

Smells Like Home

2010-11-02T23:40:00.000-07:00

Germany still ceases to amaze me. I love running through the forest everyday, and just enjoying my surroundings.

Yesterday Eric and I went to a natural foods store here in Germany called Alnatura. It is basically the German version of a Trader Joe's I guess you could say. They carry most of their own brand of organics. Although, I think they have more selection and the prices are more on the Whole Foods side. As soon as we stepped foot inside the store I felt a familiar sense of home. It had that natural food store scent which is usually a mix of natural fragrance and fresh baked bread. Thank God, Organic food! A smile instantly struck my face in excitement, and my eyes glazed over at the site of all of the bounty of organic fruits and veggies. Being as there is no organic produce options at our local commissary (nearly devastating for me ) I stocked up on Organic produce. Yay no more dirty food.

Luckily I have spent enough time grocery shopping and working in Organic markets that I know what stuff is without being able to read German. I don't buy much processed food anyways so I don't have to try and translate what the heck is in something. Produce was easy to buy of course. They did do it a bit differently however. We had a close call to looking like complete morons but luckily Eric spotted that we were supposed to weigh our fruits and veggies on this little scale thingy, select what type they were, and then it printed out a barcode that you stuck on the bag. Nifty. It is like going through self checkout...before you check out.

I have noticed that when I am off base and in a public place ( like in Alnatura ) I find myself speaking as little as possible in order to not be recognized as an American. Being as I am naturally socially retarded and shy this isn't much of a stretch for me...but it is the little things that I forget. Like when you bump into someone....saying "sorry, or "excuse me" will completely blow your cover. I know I probably have American written all over my forehead already..which is fine, I just don't want the title of "stupid American". Which knowing no German at all I could easily be labeled as so. Because of this, I am building up motivation to learn as much German as I can while here. I would like to be able to speak common German phrases at least in order to get by, shop on the German economy, and at the farmers market.

Well I better get started on that German.

Tschüß!

At Peace

2010-10-31T23:12:00.000-07:00

Another day in Germany, and I hate to think that these surroundings will soon become familiar, but they are anything but ordinary. I love seeing new sights, and new surroundings. I learn something new everyday. Whether it is how to get back into the base using this thing called "the box" ( this thing still terrifies me because there is the potential to get stuck in it )., or a new word in German. Just being able to observe the German culture is so captivating to me. While out on my run I see elderly people riding their bikes for transportation and leisure. In America, people their age would be parked in front of the TV, maybe not by choice but in our culture if we see 70-80 year olds riding bikes we would automatically worry about them falling and breaking a hip. Over here...it is just the norm. I love the look on their faces when they ride their bikes in the woods...they know how to enjoy life here, and I think it is rubbing off on me. I haven't been this free of anxiety in a long time. It is freeing, and I feel so at peace.

Happy Monday, make it meatless!

P.S. Going grocery shopping today, I am done neglecting my food blog! I should have a new post up by Wednesday at the latest.

Exploring Germany One Step At a Time

2010-10-30T23:30:00.000-07:00

I look like a creepy forest knome

I ran off base for the first time yesterday. I was starting to go stir crazy running in circles like a hamster on base and finally just decided to conquer my fear of thinking that for some reason the guards wouldn't let me back in the base. I am glad I did because I discovered a whole new world.

When I was running on base near the gate the other day, I noticed an army unit running back to base from off of a path outside the fence. I needed to find out where this path went. I managed to build up enough courage and take my first steps alone off of base grounds. Right foot, Left foot. Ah, freedom. Out of the gates and past the guards I went. I found the path that I was looking for and started my journey of discovery. At first my journey started out like this:

Pretty, but I had no idea what else I would discover. I made a right hand turn at the end of this road and ran along side this:

and this...

To my surprise, I ran into a trail at the end of the road. I can't resist a trail so I followed it.

I ran down this trail for awhile...making sure not to make any turns so I could find my way home...but my watch has navigation...DUH. So left I went where I found these handsome fellas.

It is kind of hard to see from an iphone but yes, those are Bison grazing. Apparently there is some sort of animal reserve in the middle of the forest. There was also what looked to be some sort of wile boar. (all I know is that it was a hairy pig looking thing ). and etc.

After stopping to observe these fine creatures I continued on my run.

I found a lake...

Speak German anyone? I have no idea what this says...but I am pretty sure it talks about the different species of animals living in that lake.

The weirdest part of the run is the fact that I ran into what seemed to be some sort of entertainment park in the middle of the Forest. There was awesome playgrounds for kids, oh and Mini Golf...yes. Who doesn't love mini golf in the middle of an awesome forest? Who knows what else there is to be discovered. I ended up heading home due to fatigue but will be back out today and ready to explore some more. Hopefully I don't get eatin by a bear..or some sort of weird Harry Potter like creature.

Here are a few more for your viewing pleasure.

Running heaven? I think so.

Routinely Blogging

2010-10-27T22:33:00.000-07:00

I know it really hasn't been an eternity since I blogged last, but I am already feeling a bit of blogger guilt. I know that I broke my blog everyday for a year streak, but I am thinking of re-instating that goal for the sake of forcing me to do it. It feels like a part of my routine is missing, and if it isn't part of my routine I don't ever get to doing it..and before I know it my blog will become just another neglected blog in the blogosphere. I might just have to be an everyday blogger.

If at first you don't succeed..try, try, again?

On another note, So far Germany is treating me well. I finally got a phone yesterday ( iphone 4 Woot! ) so I can now tweet, take pictures, tweet pictures..etc. etc. Hopefully I can get going on my food blog again too. The scenery here is beautiful. You don't know fall colors until you see them in Germany.. ( well I guess I am just used to fall in California ). Pictures will follow soon. Hoping to go to the Farmers market today but that depends on if we get all of our stuff moved into our new place. Pictures are coming soon I promise!

Thanks for your patience :)

Happy Thursday!

Life in Germany: A New Beginning

2010-10-25T02:08:00.000-07:00

So here I am blogging from Germany. I made it safe and sound and am slowly adjusting to the time difference. If you are in the U.S. you are sleeping right now. It is still weird to think about. My morning is my friends and family's evening. My evening is my friend and family's morning. It is like a time warp. Awesome.

Anywho, I apologize if this blog is kind of all over the place. I blame the jet lag. I am still trying to speak coherently and complete whole thought processes. I did however manage to do something that I have not done since probably Junior high. I didn't sleep for 24 hours..except there were no sleep overs or scary movies involved. There was however awesome German sightseeing and buying needed kitchen tools. We have gone to nearly every PX and Commissary around here. Doesn't sound like fun? Well it is to me. So yea this is way better than any elementary sleep over. The product is still the same though. Sleep deprived and feeling a little off.

So what is Germany like? You might be wondering...Or, do I like it? Well so far I haven't gotten a huge taste of what real Germany is like. I have mostly just been on American bases so far. But don't worry I plan on branching out and doing a bit more exploring. Do I like it? It is hard to say as of now but I like the scenery and all the awesome fall colors and architecture.

I am starting to settle in a bit. I went for my first run in Germany today. Only five miles just to make sure I don't push myself into a horrid sickness from the lack of sleep and I think I missed a few meals in my time warp from the States to Germany. I love the first run of a new environment. It makes it really exciting to explore new places and get a better understanding of where in the world I am. Now that I have run around base I know how to get to the Commissary, PX, Subway, and the medical clinic all by myself. Yep, I am a big girl now.

Well I am off for now. I have some things I gotta take care of but there will be pictures coming soon. We move into our new place on the 27th. I will give you all a little tour.

Happy Monday! Make it Meatless!

Off To Germany I Go

2010-10-22T04:27:00.000-07:00

I only have a half a day left in the States. Today is the big day. Off to Germany I go. I will be in Germany by tomorrow morning. Crazy to think about. All I know is that I want to be there already and wish that it didn't take a whole day to get there. Thinking about the long plane rides ahead of me is daunting. Especially the nine and a half hour one. That is a long time to be packed in a plane like a sardine with a bunch of strangers. It makes me shiver just thinking about it. There is nothing I hate worse than tight spaces and strangers. Put those two together and you have a lethal mix of potential freak out. I just need to focus on the goal.

I just can't wait to finally get to Frankfurt Airport and see my husband. He is only a day away.

I Hate Goodbyes

2010-10-21T06:26:00.000-07:00

I have so much to do today before I leave tomorrow that it is starting to make my stomach turn and my head ache. I am terrified to forget something, and plane rides still give me the unfortunate memory of getting the flu while aboard.

Perhaps the thing stressing me out the most is the fact that I have to say goodbye to my friends and family. I am hanging out with my best friends today for the last time in years, and cooking the last dinner for my family. It makes me sad just thinking about it and I really just want to enjoy my last day with them. I am going to miss them so much!

It will also be my last day running my everyday running route, I just want to soak up all of the lasts of the day and really enjoy them despite the stresses of packing and having a really long day ahead of me tomorrow.

I hate goodbyes.

Germany Here I Come!

2010-10-19T21:44:00.000-07:00

It is really strange not to be blogging everyday. Unfortunately I still don't have a whole lot to talk about...except.. I AM FINALLY LEAVING FOR GERMANY! Yep Friday Oct. 22nd. My flight leaves from Sacramento at 8:20am. From there I fly to Ft. Worth Texas, then it's a straight shot to Germany...only a 9 hour and 25 minute flight. You know it is going to be a long flight when they serve you dinner and breakfast on the same flight. Least there is a movie?

At least the flight will be shorter than the process it took to get my ticket. Good Lord. I think the lady was on crack..or should have been. One week, two trips to the ER and two days later she finally got me my plane tickets. Thank you Jesus.

All I know is that I can't wait to finally see my husband and enjoy life in Europe. If anything else goes wrong or prolongs this process I might scream. ( most likely through twitter ).

Happy Blogging

2010-10-18T06:21:00.000-07:00

I must say it is quite a relief to not have to blog EVERYDAY. I guess I can truly say I am glad I failed this time. Blogging just isn't meant to be a chore.

I am still waiting on a date for when I am leaving for Germany. I am waiting on either the lady from Beale to give me an itinerary or for Eric to get me tickets. Nothing has happened on either side yet. I would love it if I could finally know the exact date I am leaving. I am so done sitting and waiting.

On a better note, it is meatless Monday. Hopefully I can get can a good meatless meal on my blog tonight. I didn't have time to make a Farmer's Market dinner this weekend. It was a crazy weekend but tonight I am thinking Indian. It's a little chilly here and nothing warms you up better than curry.

Happy Meatless Monday!

Spent

2010-10-16T20:48:00.000-07:00

I have a lot of emotions and feelings to express right now, but I know that no matter what I do, or how hard I try that I can't. I don't have the emotional energy to even try. I have nothing left.

I'm spent.

Blogging Fail

2010-10-15T04:40:00.000-07:00

I forgot to blog yesterday. I wish I could say it was because I got lost in the woods on my morning run but that definitely wasn't the case. I was helping my parents get a garage sale together and went to bed asap due to my lack of sleep from having a cats ass in my face all night long.

So as of today... I have two choices.

I can either #1 limit my blogging to 3 times per week in order to focus more on quality instead of quantity.

#2 Attempt the blog everyday for a year deal again with today as the starting date.

#4 phase out this blog and merge together www.everythingimnot.com and www.amberhaas.com somehow.

What do you all think?

Search and Rescue

2010-10-13T21:53:00.000-07:00

I am watching Hells Kitchen Right now...I almost forgot to blog...but here I am. I am also housesitting. It is kind of creepy staying all alone in an unfamiliar place. Hopefully I don't die. I must say that I love the location of this place though. It is a lot closer to downtown, and to awesome running trails. I am going to attempt the trails tomorrow but I might chicken out and stick to the roads. I just don't want to get lost and end up on the 5:00 news having to be rescued for not being able to find my way out of a paper bag.

Wish me luck.

If I don't blog by 10:00pm tomorrow you know what happened.

Day Dreaming

2010-10-12T21:33:00.000-07:00

You would think that after watching Kitchen Nightmares I would be completely turned off about starting up a restaurant someday...but actually, it is quite the opposite. I guess you could say that I am learning from other people's mistakes, and taking in the tips that Gordon Ramsay gives them. Of course it is still reality TV and you have to keep up a filter of what is real and what is fake but here are some things that I have learned so far...

1. Being in debt blows, and can lead to suicide.

2. Location, Location, Location.

3. Not only does the food have to be good, but it HAS to be fresh. That one is kind of a no-brainer but apparently some restaurant owners failed to realize this before their visit with Ramsay.

4. Good Service = happy customers. No one likes to wait..or to have their food come out wrong.

5. You need a good team. Management can make a world of difference. A restaurant team that gets along and can work in an efficient organized manner is key.

6. You gotta know what you are doing.

Number six leads me to ponder. I would have no idea what I was doing at this point. Luckily I am not planning on opening a restaurant anytime soon, and I couldn't even if I wanted to. But if the time comes that I could actually reach this goal somewhere down the road I would do whatever I could to make sure it would be a success. One of my problems is that although I have a passion for food and cooking, I have a hate for crunching numbers. The whole business part would not be as fun for me...which obviously could be a bit of a problem. I suck at math...so either I study business or find a very trustworthy person to do the dirty work for me. That could be rough.

Anyways, so lets say somewhere down the road I get to open my restaurant. Where will it be located? What kind of food would I serve? Well, I would say that I wouldn't mind opening up a restaurant somewhere in old town Auburn. I love it there. Lots of competition however. As for the food, and style of the restaurant..well I am still thinking on that one. To be determined...

List Making

2010-10-11T20:26:00.000-07:00

I am leaving soon..I am still not too sure when but there are a few things that I need to accomplish before I head off to Germany. So here is a list of things I would like to accomplish.

1. Run on the Western States Trail - How could I have lived in Auburn all of these years and never done this? It's pathetic.

2. Make vegetarian tamales

3. Make a Farmers Market dinner for more people than just my family.

to be continued...

Boring Sundays

2010-10-10T14:55:00.000-07:00

I think my Gordon Ramsay TV show addiction is growing to an unhealthy level. Except I have learned a few things from watching Kitchen Nightmares. It has shown me that I need to be super prepared and educated if I am ever able to open my own restaurant. I definitely do not want to end up hundreds and thousands of dollars in debt. Just thinking about that makes me feel claustrophobic. I can't imagine the suffocating feeling being that in debt would bring. Yuk.

Anyways..it is Sunday afternoon...I don't know what it is about Sunday afternoons but they are always boring...there is nothing to do. Sunday evenings are another story though. Hello The Next Iron Chef. Can't. Wait.

I am still waiting on a leave date for Germany, but I am hoping to find out by tomorrow. It will be soon though! I can feel it.

Happy Sunday

Brain Fart

2010-10-09T20:54:00.000-07:00

I had something in mind to blog about at some point this afternoon but I completely forgot what it was. So much so that I can't really think of anything to blog about really...Technically I already blogged so my brain is already done for the night.

Check out my other blog. It's Tasty. www.amberhaas.com

Getting Closer

2010-10-08T20:17:00.000-07:00

All our stuff is packed. The movers came, re-packed all of our stuff and drove away with it. Off to Germany it goes, and off to Germany I go. I called the Airforce base that is about 30 miles away and all I had to do is send in travel orders through e-mail and then they are going to hook me up with plane tickets. Um, awesome. No trip down a seemingly endless windy road out into the middle of nowhere. I sent in my stuff but I am assuming the lady got to busy to get my ticket for me...monday I suppose. I wonder when I will be leaving.

I could go into greater detail of today's near dramatic event but I woke up at 3:30am so that I could eat breakfast and run before having to go to our storage unit. Soo there is a little fog in my brain. Tomorrow is another early morning because it is Farmer's Market Day! My favorite day of the week. How on earth is it already the weekend? Time flies.

Happy Friday!

Wait and See

2010-10-07T19:54:00.000-07:00

Oh my. Things are suddenly moving so quickly. The movers are coming tomorrow to move our stuff from the storage unit. I hope that means our stuff will get there semi-soon. That would be awesome. I just have to get my plane ticket. I was going to go get them today but before I went I got a phone call from Ft. Irwin asking me if I had received my orders and that I have my passport and etc. She informed me that I might not be able to get my tickets through the Airforce because they have been having problems with bases not wanting to Honor other branches orders. Great. So, I will be calling the base tomorrow to see what the verdict is.

On another note. I am going to miss my friends a lot. I got to have lunch with them today. I am really going to miss that. I won't see them or their little ones for four years. The next time I see them their babies will no longer be babies...and the saddest part of all is that they won't remember me.

I am looking forward to see what Germany has in store for me. I am nervous, and I have my fears but there is no use fearing the unknown. I hate wasting energy on anxiousness, which I tend to do a lot. The only thing to do is just wait and see, sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

Scared

2010-10-06T18:06:00.000-07:00

It would be a lie if I said I wasn't afraid of moving to Germany right now. I am not your average Army wife. I don't have kids yet, I am not into gossip, and I still have goals and ambitions of my own. Of course I want to support my husband but that doesn't mean I have to let my dreams die right? I guess what I am trying to say is that I am afraid to get to Germany and have nothing to do. Sure I could work at the PX, or the commissary but that is 4 years of going nowhere toward my goal. There will be no internships, and no culinary school to attend. What if I just get stuck in the time warp...what if time just stays still. What if I feel lonely? I know my husband will be there...but he is going to be busy. What if he is too busy for me? I won't have friends to occupy free time, or family to visit with.

I'm scared.

The Black Forest

2010-10-05T20:50:00.000-07:00

I must say today was a pretty good day. I got some closure on some things and I am excited to head to Europe. I still have my anxiety's ( mostly about crazy terrorists ) and I am going to miss my friends and family but I am ready for some new adventures and to get back to my husband. Hey maybe I will have something exciting to blog about?

I am excited to experience Germany's culture. Especially their food. ( minues the meat ). I think the first place I want to go is a place called the Black Forest. It just so happens that they film this awesome show that I have been watching on Hulu there. I think enjoy it every morning while I eat my bowl of oatmeal. I think you might enjoy it too... Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you. Cuisine of The Black Forest with Chef Walter Staib.

Ah!

2010-10-04T22:52:00.003-07:00

For whatever reason, blogger/google is down right now and it is totally bumming me out. I am not going to let it break my year long blog streak. Just in case it doesn't come back up by tonight I am counting this as a blog even though it didn't get posted. It is indeed October 4, 2010.

Anyways, I had a fun day today. I got to go to Chipotle for lunch with my mom. OH chipotle I am going to miss your vegetarian tacos and addictive guacamole. Then we headed over to Sur La Table where I used the rest of my gift card to purchase a rolling case for my knife, and future knives. I love going there. I love drooling over all of the all-clad pots and pans, the never-ending collection of chef's knives, cookbooks, and fancy schmancy blenders and food processors. I love it all.

Perhaps the most adventures part of the day was going to an Indian Market. The place smelled like a mixture of curry and dirty ass cheeks. They had a seemingly never ending supply of rice and lentils which is heaven to a vegetarian but it looked like it had been sitting there since the Y2K scare. Out of pure guilt of being in the store shmoozing we didn't want to leave the empty store equally empty handed. We ended up leaving with a big bag of turmeric and split mung beans. I know what is for dinner tomorrow…and the next day…maybe if I go to Germany smelling like curry I can ward off any terrorist attacks.

That's it for tonight, I am going to watch some Kitchen Nightmares and head to bed.

Happy Monday, hope it was meatless!

God Help Me

2010-10-03T21:12:00.000-07:00

I am baking some apple pie right now. Yup, don't be jealous. Seriously don't. It's healthy and I would guess about 99% of you wouldn't like it...but it contains no refined sugars, a gluten free crust, and apples picked from the tree in our own backyard. Fresh and healthy. Tasty..to be decided.

Anyways, I am hoping at some point this week to be able to find out my official leave date. Of course I have to travel to Europe just as they are warning Americans about traveling to Europe and within Europe. Seeing as I have had a bit of a lucky streak and won two contests in a row, I am a little terrified. I am never fortunate enough to win anything without Karma coming back to kick me in the ass...or kill me in an unfortunate terrorist attack. It's amazing how people like Osama Bin Laden who live in caves can plan such intricate attacks. You would think their only attack could be to throw rocks, or burn each other's turbans. God help me.

Better Day

2010-10-02T21:36:00.000-07:00

Today was a better day. I got to see my food getting sampled out at the farmers market, and I am looking forward to going to Germany and finally being able to see my husband. I might freeze though. It is already cold there, and still hot here.

I am kind of at loss for words considering I am distracted by a Saturday night movie called Canvas. I have never seen it before, didn't intend on watching it, but it unwillingly has my attention.

For some reason it brings back memories Sunday night Tv. I miss shows like Walker Texas Ranger and Touched by An Angel. I used to love those shows. Thanks to my brother graduating from Liberty University in VA I got to to see Chuck Norris himself give the commencement speech. Yea thats right Chuck Norris.

Anyways...I think I am going to end this here. Here is a little preview of what I got at the Farmers market.

I love Chard it's pretty

Just a Little Sting

2010-10-01T20:21:00.000-07:00

I still have to admit, I don't feel like talking or blogging, but for your sake, I will try.

So it's official now. I am leaving for Germany in the very near future. All I have to do is ship the car and get my plane ticket. For all I know I could be leaving by next week. I am a little nervous. It will be quite a change in environment, and the language barrier could be potentially harmful to my vegetarian diet. I will feel way out of my element. Not to mention it is an eight hour time difference. Eight whole hours! Do you know what that means? Well, that means that if you are a morning pooper, you will be pooping at night. Yep that is what an eight hour time difference can do to you.

All of our stuff will be in storage still when I arrive so as far as the kitchen utensils go, I will also be out of my element. I do have my new knife though, and there is no way I am leaving my baby behind. I think I will have to get a case for it so it will fit as snug and safe as Jesus in the manger.

I have a lot of things to get done. One of them being telling Jinny at Tsuda's that I can't be her next intern after all. It stings just thinking about it. I had a hard time looking at cookbooks yesterday at Barnes and Noble, and that is one of my favorite things to do. Even seeing Tsuda's menu lying on the kitchen table makes my heart sink a little. I know that this one opportunity shouldn't make or break my passion and career dreams in the culinary profession but it will definitely be in the back of my mind. I am afraid that Germany will not have anything to offer me as far as that goes. Not only do I not speak German, but I don't eat meat. I think I am SOL in the culinary department.

I am looking forward to seeing my husband though. It has been way too long. It never feels good to spend 6 months a part from a loved one. Least he probably forgot how annoying I am by now. It is time for me to remind him.

What's Wrong?

2010-09-30T20:06:00.000-07:00

If someone sat in front of me right now, and asked me "whats wrong?" I would reply, I don't feel like talking about it. Which leads me to say, I don't feel like blogging about it. Or really blogging about anything actually.

I will say that I am excited for Saturday though. In case you missed my blog about it, they will be sampling my recipe at the Farmer's Market. Yay!

One more day until the weekend,

Happy Thursday!

I Win? Again?

2010-09-29T20:55:00.000-07:00

My recent luck has extended itself to yet another win. Only, I am a little more proud of this one because this wasn't a random drawing. Remember that recipe Easy Mexican Millet that I entered into the Farmers Market monthly recipe contest? Well it won. I know, shocker. Not only do I get the awesome title of "winner" but I get a $50 voucher for the farmers market and my food is going to be sampled there from 9am-11am. So if you are in the area, come taste my food :)

Another lucky happening in my life is that I just got an e-mail 30 minutes ago telling me I landed an internship at Tsuda's in downtown Auburn. It is basically like free culinary school. It is a bittersweet feeling as there could be some issues with having to leave for Germany. I want to be happy, but instead I am just anxious. It is a huge opportunity for me. The head Chef is amazing. She gets me in a way that no employer has since I worked at Good Earth. She told me she didn't care that I was quiet, that it was okay because everyone is different, and people just communicate differently. She continued to amaze me with the words that came out of her mouth. She not only cares about her business, but her employees as well. She has the personality that I need in an employer in order not to freak out, build confidence, and be able to grow within myself. I don't know what to do. I guess I probably shouldn't have started the whole process in the first place but I didn't know when I would be leaving yet. Well I still don't know exactly but it seems it might be soon.

Help?

Seriously Hopeless?

2010-09-28T20:32:00.000-07:00

What do you do when you feel like you will never reach a certain goal in life? Or that your goals will never be taken seriously? When I say that I want to be a chef, or that I want to cook, and create food for a living I absolutely mean it. I don't see every dinner cooked as just another meal. No matter what I am cooking I am always deeply concentrated, thinking, experimenting, substituting, creating, and I see it as practice. Practice makes perfect right? Ideally, if culinary school was an option I would %100 percent take that route, but unfortunately it's not. Cooking is a type of art...hence the name Culinary Arts. Food is my medium. Would you tell an artist that they were not a real artist because they didn't attend art school? If you learn the skill, don't you think you would deserve the title?

I am in no way saying that I am even close to Chef status, but if I really am never able to make it to Culinary school and end up learning my skills the old fashion way will anyone ever take me seriously? People don't realize it but there are actually a lot of famous chefs that never attended culinary school. Chefs such as:

Tom Colicchio

Mario Batali

Rick Bayless

Gordon Ramsay

The list goes on..but you get the point. I just hope that maybe my dreams are within reach. Give me hope. It's all I ask.

My Lucky Day

2010-09-27T22:09:00.000-07:00

If you hadn't already heard, I had a bit of a lucky day. A lucky day worth $200 dollars. I won a contest from a website called www.chow.com it was called the Tweet What You Eat sweepstakes and at the time I was eating homemade pizza..so that is what I tweeted. Sure enough a few days later I got a direct message on twitter saying I was a potential winner. Was this for real? All I had to do was send my contact info..which led to notorizing an affidavit and then after I turned that in, a whole 3 days later I received a pre-paid visa card for $200. Holy Crap.

I thought about it for awhile about what I should get, but then I knew I wanted to get something that I had been wanting and might never get the chance to get unless I took advantage of my luck...so here she is.

Nope one photo is not enough...

I toggled back and forth between this Shun knife and a Wusthof Classic Ikon for a good 45 minutes while chopping up multiple potatoes and carrots at Sur La Table. They were both great knives, the same price, but in the end, the Shun won me over when I sliced a carrot faster, and easier than I ever have before. I wanted the Wusthof, just because it was a Wusthof...I am moving to Germany after all how could I got to Germany with a Japanese knife? But...I couldn't deny it, the Shun just felt better in my hand.

So thanks to my lucky day, I was able to get a knife I have been drooling over for a long time.

I came home and tried it out on dinner. Loved it and am extremely happy with my decision.

Good day. Good day indeed.