Lessons Learned

These past few days I have been having this "life is too short" mantra unwillingly playing in my head. I guess it is my sub-conscience trying to trick me out of being so anxious, or so intense with everything and I am feeling a sense of change happening.

I am trying to think of how to organize this blog but I have so many things going on in my head that even an outline seems impossible. So I will try for a list. Here are some things I am learning or am in the process of learning.

1. Pastel Drawing is fun, I thought it was too slow for me but then realized that I need something to help slow me down and not be so intense. Here is the result of my first class...

It didn't turn out as bad as I thought it would, and it was fun to be somewhat forced to break out of my mental struggle with art. 

2. Life is in fact very short

3. I have stumbled across a new way of eating and keeping your body healthy. A little thing called body PH which I find very intriguing and am enjoying learning about it, and ready to pick up some new eating habits. 

4. I need rest. I think I am going to start scheduling a "rest day" and force myself to take it. ( I am talking about running ). I have a hard time taking a complete day off, but I have a feeling my body will be a lot happier with a whole day to recover. Could be good for the mind as well. 

What are you learning at the moment?

Inspiration

Because of some recent events, I woke up feeling like I needed a little inspiration and ironically enough I stumbled upon a website of a person who has inspired me before, but even more so now than ever. Here is a little snidbit of inspiration. I suggest you subscribe to her YouTube Channel. Sit back, relax, and enjoy.

Pastel Hopeful

I finally heard from Eric yesterday. It was good to finally know what in the world was going on! Well, not much apparently but he is supposed to get internet today...so I am hoping that happens and I can talk to him more often.

On another note, I am headed off to a pastel class with my Dad today. I feel a bit behind considering he has been going to these classes for a year now and is Mr. Professional artist...and um quite frankly I am afraid of sucking. I hate sucking at things. I know..some things are just meant to suck at, but yea I hate it. I just did a vlog about things I am bad at, I have a feeling I am about to have something to add to the list.

Wish me luck?

Challenges

As the days continue to go by without hearing from my husband I am finding it harder and harder to think that he has a good reason. I am hoping he has a good reason for not calling me...he better. I found it kind of strange that I almost have this feeling of abandonment. I know, abandonment is a bit dramatic but I can't think of any other way to describe it. Last time I heard from him he was having a really good time. So of course, me being the insecure person I am...am feeling a bit forgotten. Perhaps it would help if I was actually staying busy, but I have no life really. The only things that can distract me from thinking about all this is cooking, baking bread, or fulfilling some sort of challenge.

I feel sort of lost right now. Normally around this time of year I would be getting ready for classes to start and look forward to completing tasks and seeing a finish line in the future. But now, there are no classes to get ready for and the only challenge/task I have these days is to blog and vlog everyday-- which blogging obviously doesn't distract me from much ( quite the opposite actually ). Vlogging has been a bit of a life saver for the moment because it's a challenge. It is a challenge for me in being out of my comfort zone, and also a challenge that involves doing it everyday for a month..so I see a finish line.

I guess what I have discovered is that I am normally not the greatest at completing things, but when it comes to challenges.. I love it. I love a challenge. SO in order to distract me while I wait here for my husband to call me, or until I can get to Germany I am going to need some more challenges. I am not completely sure what those challenges are...here are some challenge ideas I have thought of...some are dumb but would still be fun :)

1. Cook 1 recipe from each of my moms cookbooks
2. No driving for a month. ( I can ride with someone but otherwise would have to use my bike for transportation ).
3. Bake a different type of bread everyday (as I learn from my new bread book )
4. Follow the TRX workout plan exactly

Yea thats about all i've got for now.

Do you have any challenges for me?

Phone Calls

So I know today I said I was going to blog something that was long overdue. Well, I am experiencing that overwhelmed feeling and I can't think straight. It is a blog that requires a lot of thinking. I can think it out clearly in my head but it requires even more thinking of how to put it out there and express myself correctly. It is nothing huge.. I hate that I am building it up to be some sort of life changing "aha moment" or something because it is totally not.

Thinking about it..now that I have the whole vlog thing going on I might end up talking about it through video..not really sure yet though.

I think a lot of this overwhelmed feeling has to do with the fact that I have a lot of things on my mind as of this moment. I am feeling overwhelmed by a lot of different things. ( I am easily overwhelmed in case you didn't know ). I am even overwhelmed at how many times I just typed the word overwhelmed.

So what is on my mind right now-- I am wondering why my husband hasn't called me or made any contact with me for 3 days now..that is probably my #1 worry. Other worries: getting things done so that I can get to Germany, and being nervous about moving there. But really...mostly just that I haven't heard from my husband...I am pretty sure there are phones in Germany and you don't have to speak German to use them. He is on an rather large American army base too so I know they have internet...I am growing increasingly frustrated thinking about it so I will leave it at that.

Happy Tuesday?

Me? Vlog?

I can't believe it is already August. I think time speeds up once you hit your 20's because it seems to go by a lot faster than it did when I was younger. The days couldn't go by fast enough when I was in middle school and high school. I do see these fast forwarded days as being an advantage at this point in my life though because I would like it to seem that I get to join my husband in Germany at light speed.

So it's official, I am now a vlogger. ( Video blogger ). Yea I know, me? Video blog? Well believe it or not I shot my first vlog yesterday and let me tell you... I still feel minorly retarded. It is really weird talking to a camera and then posting it knowing people are going to see your face, hear your voice, and possibly listen to what you have to say. I guess my only saving grace is that I wasn't having to carry on a conversation and think of things to respond to without having time to think about it first. There is nothing more I suck at than carrying on a conversation. (Unless I know you ).

So today is VEDA day #2 and I will be shooting my second vlog. I will admit that it's quite a rush and it is kind of cool to be able to connect with people that way. I don't usually like connecting with people but I think vlogging still leaves me with just enough hiding space so that I am still capable of not completely freaking out. Maybe this whole experience will help me with my social retardation. I guess we will find out.

Well, that is enough blogging for today but if I were you I would come back tomorrow because I think I will be posting a blog that is long overdue.

Happy Monday!

OH, and it's Meatless Monday so sway away from cows and eat your veggies ;)

Pillow Companion

I finally found and excellent use for my ipad. Just in case you didn't know already, it is a great pillow companion. You can listen to music as you fall asleep without having to deal with ipod headphones stabbing you in the eardrum or getting the cord wrapped around your neck like an unborn fetus. It's great.

I happend to fall asleep to Coldplay last night. Whenever I hear a Coldplay song I automatically think of the Bay Area, and working at Good Earth. This could be half of the reason I love Coldplay so much. The best part about falling asleep to Coldplay is that I dreamt I was back in the bay area working at Good Earth. It was a great night and I didn't want to wake up. I will forever miss Marin County and working at Good Earth. Maybe one day I shall return...is it weird that I don't want to go back for a visit because then it will just make me miss it even more? Awhile ago my mom asked me if I would want to go for a drive down to Marin with her and my aunt who was visiting from Ventura at the time. I wanted to go so badly, but at the same time I knew I wouldn't want to leave. It would also be weird visiting Good Earth and not be an employee. I always felt so privileged to work there, and to walk in strictly as a customer only would be unthinkable. I don't think I could handle seeing someone else doing my job.

I think I have issues letting go. I should probably come to terms with the fact that I don't live or work in Marin anymore. Easier said than done. I really don't know why I have such weird attachment issues with this place. 

Anyways, today is the first day of VEDA (vlog every day in August ) and I am feeling my feet starting to get cold. I don't want to back out, because that would make me a failure and I have failed at enough things in my life. I wouldn't like to add anything else to the failed list. Oh and if you are waiting for my Vlog/youtube channel link to appear in grey link text than you are S.O.L. because I am not ready to advertise my ugly face on the blogosphere yet. 

So wish me luck with VEDA, I feel stupid already thinking about talking to a camera. 

On other news: I think I killed my sourdough starter but I successfully obtained a copy of The Bread Baker's Apprentice so I think there might be more successful starters in my future. ( I don't know why you care but hey this is my blog so suck it up and keep reading ). This blog is getting too long and you have probably stopped reading by now anyways..or at least skimmed down to this last line wondering when it was going to end. Well it is ending now, so you can get back to refreshing your facebook page or picking your nose...I suppose you could do these things simultaneously. 

Happy Sunday