I didn’t get to post a blog this morning because as usual I saved my homework to do until the last minute. So that means you get to read my homework. Critique it, tear it to shreds…let me know your thoughts. Feedback is my best friend so don’t hold back :)
Our assignment was to write a paragraph, ( or more if we felt inspired to do so ) about a process. So this is about one of my first experiences in the process of making coffee.
The Good Smell of Bad Taste
I held the unsealed, punctured, and badly crinkled bag under my nose. How can something that smells so good taste so bad? I thought to myself as I stared down the coffee maker that had been previously used only as a decoration. I had tried to use it a few times, but was quickly discouraged by my lack of patience and overall ability to follow directions. Normally my daily caffeine fix came from a more easily accessible source; a source from a can that sat in my refrigerator ready for me to grab at any moment. My canned source of caffeine had been depleted and I was as desperate as a thirsty dog in front of a closed toilet lid. I would have to look elsewhere for a caffeine fix, and unfortunately my only option was a 3 month old bag of coffee sitting in my cupboard. I scooped up the brown, grainy, dirt-like substance from the bag, managing to get more coffee on the counter than in the coffee maker as I read the barely legible directions on the back of the bag that read “Recipe for Great Coffee”. I was unsure great coffee really existed but I was determined to try and make this the greatest coffee that I had ever made. After placing the carefully measured amount of grounds into the filter, I continued by filling the coffee pot with cold, filtered water, and poured its contents slowly into the top of the coffee maker. Only thirty minutes later, I found out how to turn it on. My stubby finger’s hastily pressed the buttons in anticipation and it began to brew. Mission accomplished.
The aroma of coffee soon filled the air, and a loud beeping sound penetrated my ear drums. Finally, the coffee was done. I brushed off my dusty coffee mug and proudly poured in my muddy creation. As I held it gently below my lips I felt a comforting warmth brush against my face. Hesitantly, I took my first sip. The hot liquid flowed through my mouth, burning my tongue, and attacking my taste buds with bitter vengeance. I shook my head in disgust and knew there was only one way this substance was going to make it past my taste buds, and into my stomach. I quickly plugged my nose, and tilted back my head. Bottoms up.
Sounds good! Since I have "secretary" in my genes, of course I pick out punctuation. Why was "finger's" possessive? To like coffee a little easier, I would suggest adding some chocolate mocha...preferably diet? I think that is something more to your liking for a start. "Java Junction's" diet chocolate soy mocha...yum!
ReplyDeleteI love little assignments like this. Here's a small bit of feedback:
ReplyDeleteI would look at your use of adjectives--sometimes they aren't necessary. The description, "brown, grainy, dirt-like" is redundant because "dirt-like" implies "brown, grainy."
This was one of the biggest things that I told students last year, and one of the biggest things I find myself falling into in my rough drafts.
Oh, and also, if you ever find yourself in this situation again, I suggest adding milk and sugar, vanilla soymilk, (or even some ice cream if you have it on hand). It'll be far more enjoyable.
Cindy- you can thank microsoft word for the Finger's. Oops
ReplyDeleteHmmm...good story, and your other critics found the grammar issues. However; as a coffee holic, I must tell you will never get a good cup of coffee out of a three month old, punctured bag of grounds. It is already stale and past its prime. It is a miracle it even smelled good then. If you were to grind freshly roasted coffee beans and make it from the fresh grounds that is an entirely different story. That formula will give you a good cup of coffee. It also helps to add just a pinch of cinnamon to the grounds before they are brewed, it takes the bite out of the coffee. :)
ReplyDelete