It is rare that I get the chance to feel completely comfortable in my own skin. I am feeling more and more comfortable with myself these days but there are still times when I forget that it's okay to be me and not care so much about what other people think. For whatever reason, for darn near my whole life, I have cared more about what others think of me than what I think of myself. Why would I care so much about what others think? It is my life right?
It is interesting to look at just how drastically my life has been affected by my "what do people think of me" paranoia. Not only has it affected me in my everyday life but it has prevented me from being okay with dreaming big. There are times I dream of things I want to do in my life...but then I leave it at just a dream. But does it have to stay a dream? What am I truly capable of? There are times that I choose not to express big dreams and goals with others in fear that they will think that I am in fact only dreaming, have my head stuck in the clouds, and need to come back down to reality. But what exactly is reality and why would I want to come back to it if it sucks? Sure everyone can use a reality check once in awhile but that doesn't mean you can't create realistic goals to pursue a dream.
So now for the scary part. Actually expressing my dreams verbally...or in this case in written form. What have I been dreaming about? Lately I have been thinking about what I want to do after I graduate from culinary school. What do I want to do, and where do I want to go? Since I feel like it can be accomplished I am going to call it a plan rather than a dream. So here is my plan:
Over spring break I got the opportunity to visit a little place called Washington D.C. you may or may not have heard of it.... I knew that it had an awesome food scene and I had been there once before on a day trip with my brother, but getting to experience it for a whole weeks worth of time not only led me to see just how much people in D.C. love their food but I fell in love with the city and culture. My "dream" or plan would be to move to D.C. after I graduate, and work in a few restaurants in the area to gain some experience... or maybe, I would get the chance to work or intern at D.C. Central kitchen. If I really want to get my head in the clouds I could dream of being a chef in the white house...but I think I will give myself a reality check on that one! I have lived on the West coast my whole life so it would be awesome to experience life on the East coast. So is this just a dream? Guess we will find out...but what isn't a dream is another trip to D.C. at the end of June. Watch out D.C. here I come.
My dream is that my daughter would tell me what her dreams are before I can only read them on-line.
ReplyDeleteDC is such a great town. I highly approve of this.
ReplyDeleteI'm so stoked for you sister, you've earned it. What people think of you can be very controlling in your life. It's hardest when people try to make you feel small or inadequate, or that you will never reach your goals, or that your goals are stupid. Often though, it's simply because they know they could never have the will power, the determination, and be willing to put in the hard work that you have to pursue your goals both in health, knowledge, and cooking skill.
ReplyDeleteIt makes me sad when I think about how much of your formative life I have missed these last few years as I've been away from you, but I'm so thankful that I've been able to stay as close to you as possible with the distance that's between us. I am so thankful for the talks we've had, the openness we share, and how I can always know without a shadow of a doubt that you are so one I can trust, believe in, and be inspired by. I love watching you succeed, overcome, and push through the expectations people press upon you.
Keep growing, and I'm so excited for your next steps, I think it's going to be awesome for you! Let me know if there is _anything_ I can do to be a part of helping you achieve your goals, I love you so much sister. You're amazing.
I also love that you'll be closer to me!
ReplyDeleteNever be afraid to dream big! I know that's easy to say, but I wouldn't worry about setting limits on your dreams.
ReplyDeleteSounds like an amazing post-school plan. You can do it!
Dream big! Just work backwards from your dream job to where you are now and follow the steps. (Yes... just like that...) You got this!
ReplyDeletesounds like a pretty solid plan if you ask me. And I truly believe you can do anything you set your mind to. You're a lot stronger than you might think, Amber. Go for it !
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