Tuesday, June 21, 2011

I Wasn't Always So Fearful

Skateboard competition in Fresno

There was a time in my life when I wasn't so afraid of everything. I may have even seemed fearless at times. I was still a bit of a social outcast and was never the life of the party, or outgoing by any means but I knew who I was, and at some point in the last few years I have completely lost that.   

Look at that crowd. I had the best fans....

I was never afraid of the boys
I wasn't full of confidence then, but I had more than I have now. I was still able to fight off the fear of what people thought of me. I was shy, but I didn't care. I just did my thing. Playing sports helped me forget that I was shy. There was no room for a lack of confidence on your board, or on the field. I was far from timid and may have even been called aggressive-I didn't even have to talk. 

Now, unfortunately as an adult people automatically expect you to be able express yourself in other ways than skateboarding and slide-tackling. I am so awkward in person ya'll. It is really hard for me to get a job because people see me as being stuck-up, dumb, and lacking confidence. These are all of the things an employer does not want to hire. I am so terrified of how I present myself, and what people's impressions of me are that I am afraid to do anything concerning people that don't already know me. There are so many things I want to do but am too afraid. 

I want to go on group runs with the people from the local running store, make new friends, run more races, carry on conversations with people, have a good job interview that actually lands me a job, and find some confidence. 

I only have one life, and the events of the last few weeks have shown me that it is in fact very short, and the way you live it could determine your happiness in the end. 

I need to stop being so afraid.