Sunday, January 31, 2010
There is something about sunshine that makes the world a better place. It makes me want to picnic on a hill of freshly cut green grass with with my three straight Dad’s from San Francisco (right..mmmhmm) and Comet too of course…ok so maybe I have just been watching too much Full House.
There really is something about this weather that makes cheesy childhood shows a little more tolerable and appropriate in adult life. Maybe it creates a short term illusion of being worry free. It gives me visions of what I would like to do on this sunny day but in reality I will probably spend most of it packing. Which, in my childhood days all I would have to worry about packing was my blanket, and stuffed animals…which I seem to have successfully done because my parents house is still loaded with them.
The episode of Full House I was watching just ended…sad day. ( the Yankee Doodle Dandy episode ) Now I am watching How it’s Made… Did you know it takes 4 days to make a jaw breaker?
Saturday, January 30, 2010
As predicted I survived another Friday class, but I didn't come out completely unscathed. I am still recovering from the adrenaline overflow. I had to go through 4 hours of head throbbing, and heart pounding hell. We spent the last two hours of class going row, by row, awaiting our turn to teach. My mind spent most of that time fixed on the clock hoping that my back row selection would save me from humiliation, and I know my fellow back row warriors were thinking the same thing. I was only 3 turns away when the clock struck 1:00 and it was time to leave. Saved by the bell..but I know next time I will not be so lucky. Sure, not everyone may think it is such a big deal but this is where my social retardation kicks in and for whatever reason my mind/body reacts in a "you are going to die" kind of way...which leaves me feeling exhausted when it is all over.
Although I was exhausted, I managed to find the courage to stop in at a local personal training studio called Guiding Fitness on the way home. I scored a chance to shadow the trainer who owns it so now I can get some hands on experience. She was really willing to teach me what she could, and even said that she will try to throw me some clients somewhere down the line to make me some money, and left me with some words of wisdom. “Try not to be so shy.” Damn, I thought I was being outgoing. She saw right through me, my cover was blown.
I finally got home at about 2:30 and after a pre-class run, and two straight hours of aerobics, I was famished. I ate pretty much everything in sight, and turned on the TV to watch Dr. Oz. Before I knew it I woke up to Oprah saying her goodbyes…it was 5:00. I had passed out for two whole hours. Oops. I never nap so this was out of the ordinary for me.
I spent the rest of my evening on the couch with Eric. We ended up popping popcorn and watching Paranormal Activity. Creepy movie…a little too creepy for Eric, but seeing him act like a little girl was especially entertaining. Good times :)
So readers, I am asking for your help. What is it that gives you your self confidence?
Friday, January 29, 2010
I was a good student last week and went out and bought a Yoga mat that we were required to bring to class which we never ended up using of course, my luck. This week she wanted us to bring something called a Tune Belt. If you do not know what a Tune Belt is then here it is...
On another note, my free hours of music on Pandora just ran out. This day is going to be fantastic. I can feel it!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Yesterday, I posted the quote ""Many complain of their own laziness, but laziness, like money, doesn't really exist except to represent something else." In case you didn't read yesterday's blog...I found this quote in my journal that I wrote two years ago. I wasn't sure why I originially wrote it down, but I thought it was meant to be found to help me fight my packing procrastination. I now realize why I wrote it down, and that it has a completely different meaning to it. I definitely need to fight the urge to procrastinate on packing up all my crap, but the true meaning of this quote was to represent procrastination in my writing.
In my creative non-fiction class yesterday, we were sent home with an assignment. Our assignment was to write about something that inspires us, describe it in detail, and make it appealing to all senses. We can use 1st person, 3rd person, present or past tense, it just has to stay consistant. Not too difficult right? The assignment itself is not difficult, but the barrier I have set up in my mind is extremely hard to break through. I can't think of what to write about, how to write it, and am terrified of writing something absolutely horrible. Knowing me, I will drive myself nuts and not get it done until tomorrow morning before class. So like the quote says laziness does not exist except to represent something else... in my case laziness represents fear which then translates into writers block.
How do you overcome your fears? In life, or in writing?
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
While packing some of my crap up yesterday I learned that I have a little bit of hoarder in me. I was trying to pack things up as organized as possible so that I could easily unpack it later...but I found myself struggling to throw unnecessary items away. I don't know if you have ever watched the show Hoarders on A&E but I was starting to terrify myself. Visions of the crazy lady who had so much garbage in her house that they found 3 cat skeletons began to haunt my thoughts. Okay, so I'm not that bad..but I did end up wasting a large amount of time going through old stuff that I had some sort of emotional attachment to.
I started looking through my old yearbooks, and found a few pictures. My biggest question is why didn't anyone tell me how much of a loser I was? Someone should of done me a favor and smacked me across the face. Then again, I could look back on today 5 years from now and think the same thing. If you are wondering how cool I was in high school I will give you a little peek inside my yearbook.
Yes, I played soccer...here was our team page in the yearbook...
Are you a procrastinator? If so, how do you force yourself to overcome procrastination?
Monday, January 25, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Yes, it was just like this, and in no way am I exaggerating. Not only did I expect Richard Simmons to prance into class at any second, the teacher would randomly select students to teach by pulling them up front, stripping them of their dignity, and strapping a michrophone to their head. I was terrified, and was sure I would freeze like a deer in the headlights if I was selected. My head felt like it was being squeezed by a vice, my heart was pounding, and my stomach created a boyscout knot in my intestines. I could feel sweat start to pool in my armpits, and the "flight or fight" response was in overdrive. My eyes remained fixed on the clock, and the glowing exit sign over the doorway. I didn't think the class was ever going to end.
Finally, we took our last awkward dance steps and the world's longest class came to an end. I somehow made it through 4 hours without being selected to teach but I was not out of the woods yet. While the instructor found a way to keep us even longer than 4 hours, she warned us that we would all be teaching the class next Friday and to be prepared. All of us? Me? Teach the class in aerobic dance? Are you freaking kidding me? I would feel dumb doing aerobic dance exercise by myself in a dark room let alone in front of 35 people.
I am trying to think of ways to stay positive. I know that I am not the only one that is afraid of looking like a dumbass...and eventually we will move on to other forms of group exercise...like aqua aerobics..so basically it is dance aerobics only instead of feeling exposed and naked up front teaching a class..you are already pretty much naked...oh yes don't be jealous. The only upside I can think of at this moment is that eventually we will get to learning how to teach spinning. This, I think I can handle...but who knows when that will be. Good Lord what did I get myself into? How am I going to survive the rest of the semester?
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Here are some of my paintings...
Friday, January 22, 2010
It's dark, cold, and dreary in my house right now and I am finding myself hesitant to head outside for an early morning run. I am tempted to stay inside and keep warm but I know that a pre-class run is a must. My class doesn't start until 9:00am, but I am already dreading it. Not only is it 4 hours long, it is the class on group exercise instruction.
I don't plan on being a group exercise instructor, but it is a required class in order for me to get my certificate as a personal trainer/nutrition specialist. I have a feeling that this could help me break out of my shell a little bit but no one really willingly wants to step out of their comfort zone, or submit to unintended exposure therapy. I suppose it is for the best...and hey maybe there is a chance I will like it..but as you can see up top, that is my textbook. Judging the book by it's cover, I am not too sure that enjoyment will be the outcome...unless I get an awesome headset microphone.
What is a class you had to take that you absolutely detested? Did you end up liking it? Hating it? Dropping it?
Thursday, January 21, 2010
I no longer live in a neighborhood of boys, or have to spontaneously play roller hockey in the street, but the comfortable/functional clothing idea still remains. If I need to run, I want to be able to, if I have to sit for a long time, I want to be comfortable, if it is cold, I want to be warm, if I am challenged to a push-up contest I want to be able to drop down ( without a cleavage show ) and kick some ass. ( I know...who even thinks of that right? ).
So here is what you may see me wearing on a regular day basis...
I may never be a fashionista, but I do have a bit of an itch to change up my style somewhere in the near future. Getting mistaken for Juno MacGuff is starting to get a little old, and well...quite frankly I smell like soup and am so over Bleaker.
What are your bad fashion habits? Or, if you happen to be a fashion expert..do you have any tips?
1. Running - I don't know that I would be able to function without it.
2. Go Girls- My source of caffeine... I definitely wouldn't be able to function without it.
3. Honey Bunches of Oats- I am addicted to this cereal, and my morning would definitely not
be the same without it. It is like lucky charms for grown ups, but instead of fishing the little marsh mellows out of the box, I fish out the little sugar filled oat bunches.
4. Eric ( my husband )- Life would definitely be empty without him, and I don't know what I would do without the midnight entertainment of sleep talking/walking.
5. Hanging out with my brother -We have so much fun together. Unfortunately, I don't get to hang out with him nearly as much as I would like because he lives on the other side of the country.
6. Spending time with my Mom- Whether it is trying new restaurants, taking cooking classes together, seeing new movies, we always have a good time.
7. Hiking with my Dad- I love spending time outdoors with my Dad, especially hiking and taking pictures..except I am jealous of his camera.
8. Cooking- I enjoy eating the finished product of something I make ( whether it is good..or just plain horrible), but sometimes the process of just cooking a meal is even more enjoyable.
9. Learning- It simply just makes me happy to learn new things.
10. The beach on a sunny day. When I hear the term "go to your happy place" I automatically picture the beach. More specifically Pismo Beach, on a sunny day, with all of my family. I really don't know that it could get much better than that.
10 Bloggers that brighten my day-
Cheryl- Confessions of a Twenty Something Year Old
Sarah Von- Yes and Yes
Paul - Travels With Paul
M - Blackberries to Apples
Michelle - Oh, Mishka
Chicken - Tales From The Chicken Coop: A Day in the Life of Mrs. Chicken
Alright so I am breaking the rules a little bit... as you can see I did not meet my 10 blogger quota because #1 well i'm lame, you should know that...and I am still discovering the wonderful world of blogging. If I am lucky enough to receive another blogger award hopefully I will have 10 bloggers to pass it onto by then.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
On a more positive note, after realizing that not having an umbrella for my seemingly endless journey to class would surely lead to drenched hair, wet jeans, and shoe puddle accumulation, I managed to get through the day without fulfilling my worst fears. Not only did I find my class right away, I was also on time, found a seat with no problem and didn't embarrass myself. ( That I am aware of ).
So far I am really looking forward to this semester. My teachers are great, and the classes will be challenging, but fun at the same time. I can't wait to learn new things, and see what the rest of the school year has in store for me.
Although I escaped an embarrassing moment yesterday, I was not always so lucky...What are some of your embarrassing school moments? I'll tell you mine, if you tell me yours!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Normally I would treat my nervousness by killing off some butterflies with a morning run but I am not sure that is going to happen considering the wind sounds like it is going to pick up my house and end up in the Magical Land of Oz. Although that doesn't sound half bad right now...
I know once I get to school, my nervousness will tone down. It is the pre-class jitters that are the worst..and the fact that I just received an e-mail from my English professor saying to bring a pen and paper because there will be a short writing prompt. ( I'm taking a non-fiction creative writing class ) Writing prompt? On the first day? I like to write, hence my reason for taking the class but a prompt on the first day will be rough. It's almost like having to stand up in front of class and introduce myself. I worry enough about #1 finding my class, #2 being on time, #3 finding a seat because classes are always packed the first day, and of course #4 doing something embarrassing.
How do you calm your nerves before a nerve racking situation?
Monday, January 18, 2010
I suppose there was one good thing to come out of turning 23 and that is my developing love for my new bike a.k.a. The Pink Panther ( I know, original huh? ) and for cycling.
Here she is...
My love for cycling is kind of like an arranged marriage. If I was not forced into it because of an injury, I may have never discovered my love for it, and the love that is still developing.
Before I was injured, and I was solely just running, I saw cycling as lazier form of running that required a costly piece of equipment. But who knew it could be so fun? I will admit, I was skeptical when I first saw my new bike. It's shiny pink paint glistened in the sunlight with confidence, while it's large, but skinny wheels pronounced it's delicacy. I grabbed the curled, unfamiliar feeling handlebars and hopped on the soft, yet Va Jay Jay suffocating seat ( thanks Oprah ). Will I grow to love this as much as running?
My question was quickly answered after the first spin I took around the block. I couldn't help but smile as I felt the wind blow in my face and over my back as I crouched down into racing position. Did I love it as much as running? No, not yet, but just like any relationship ( yes even a running relationship ) it takes time. I am still getting to know my bike, but I am beginning to love it more, and more each time I ride it. Now for the big question. Where do I see this relationship going?
What ya think? Could I do it?
Sunday, January 17, 2010
1. Be self confident
2. Finish my Certification process in becoming a personal trainer.
3. Find a job as a personal trainer, and actually be good at it.
4. Stop having to mooch off others, and be more independent.
5. Play some sort of role in educating people/kids about organics, fitness, and nutrition.
6. Refine my writing skills and write for a fitness magazine of some sort.
7. Write a book
8. Learn to cook healthy meals that taste *great*.
9. Run a marathon
10. Complete a triathlon
11. Have a family, and be a good Mom.
12. Be Happy
This list could contain so much more, but I think I will keep it down to 12 for now. It seems I have written more of a "what I hope to accomplish in 10 years" list rather than what I would like to accomplish before I die ( assuming I will live to reach my senior years ).
What are some of the things you want to do before you die?
Saturday, January 16, 2010
It is Saturday morning, and it seems some sort of bed bug has crawled into my head and unlocked my childhood memories.
As a kid, Saturdays could go one of two ways. They could be full of sunshine and fun, or..well, full of chores and video game hangovers. A Good Saturday would depend on a few different factors. There were factors that contributed to an excellent Saturday, and factors that contributed to a not so excellent Saturday.
1.You got to have a friend sleep over, and managed to go to bed at a decent time.
2. Not only did you go to bed at a decent time, you didn't make a mess.
3. Your sleep over pal is not getting picked up until later that evening.Yay!
4. Mom is in fact making pancakes. Mmmm no one makes pancakes like
5. Your friend brought their bike. Which means a ride to McDonalds for lunch, enough star thistle and burrs stuck in your socks to make your feet bleed, and an opportunity to show off your mad bike skillz.
6. You don't have any homework to leave for the last minute.
1. You were not allowed to have a friend sleep over, or none of your friends were allowed to sleep over.
2. You were allowed to have a friend sleep over, but you stayed up all night, and made a mess of your room.
3. You are now required to clean your room.
4. You have a "stayed up all night doing who knows what hangover."
5. You pissed off your parents in the process.
6. Mom's pancakes were made with anger instead of love.
7. Your ride to McDonalds for lunch results in stomach cramps, mad diarrhea, and you beef it trying to show off your mad bike skillz.
8. Your friend forgot their bike, or they are lame and just don't have one.
9. You find yourself consistently asking your "friend" every hour when they are getting picked up.
10. You have a butt load of homework that you "forgot" about until 9:00pm on Sunday night.
There are so many more factors I could add to this list. What are some of the things that could make or break your Saturdays as a kid? What were your favorite shows to watch as a kid?
Just for kicks and giggles I will leave you with some of my favorite Saturday cartoons I watched as I kid...or as a teen. (shhh...) Unfortunately the theme songs are all cut because of copyright issues. Enjoy!
Rocko's Modern Life
Friday, January 15, 2010
I am taking some fun classes next semester to finish up my personal trainer/nutrition specialist certificate program. One is a nutrition/cooking class where you learn to cook for health and life fitness, and for people with special dietary needs ( like diabetes, allergies, heart disease...etc.). Can't wait! The other class I need to finish up my certificate is Techniques in Group Exercise Instruction. Group exercise instruction? Me? If this is some sort of bright sweatband, legging loving , scruntchy wearing, jazzercise instructional class I am so not into it. There is no other way I would take this class if it was not required to complete my certificate. I am terrified. I guess it could be good for me to step out of my shell, but this kind of feels like I am being pushed out. Wish me luck?
What is the worst experience you have had with a class you had to take?
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Suprisingly I think I might actually start to miss this place. I only have about 25 days left here, but it is not really the house that I am going to miss...because well, if you look two doors down there is one just like it. ( Gotta love cookie cutter houses). I think I develop a different type of attachment to the places I live because of running. The environment, and the people of my running route become a part of my routine so even though I get to continue running when I move, there is still a little routine obstruction...and I am a stickler for my morning routine. When you run at nearly the same time every morning, along the same route you develop a sort of silent relationship with the people that you see. You don't know them, or their name, but you know that you share a common ground, the ground I am running on at least. There is the walkers I see which include an older lady with a red coat, that always smiles and waves like she is excited to see me, the old man with the black safari hat and the cane that would nod and smile, the Asain lady who I slowly saw develop into a jogger, and the older gentlemen with the red headband and yellow sweatsuit who always ran with his little french bulldog.
Running will remain in my life, ( if my hip permits ) but the route will be different and so will the people I come across, but I suppose it is a sign that it is time for a new route when you get recognized in Tower Market as the girl who runs all over Lincoln. Awesome, want my autograph?
On a brighter note, it is now light outside and I actually see this big bright yellow thing. What is that? Ohhh it's the sun! I almost forgot what it looked like.
So what are some of the most annoying things that keep you awake at night?
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
What if I traveled to...
London? I could catch a ride on a double decker bus.
I could roam the streets of Paris...
Okay, so I might have to settle for something a little less drastic... perhaps I will run naked in the rain.
Monday, January 11, 2010
As with most common dream themes, falling is an indication of insecurities, instabilities, and anxieties. You are feeling overwhelmed and out of control in some situation in your waking life. This may reflect the way you feel in your relationship or in your work environment. You have lost your foothold and can not hang on or keep up with the hustle and bustle of daily life. When you fall, there is nothing that you can hold on to. You more or less are forced toward this downward motion without any control. This lost of control may parallel a waking situation in your life.
I don't know that this interpretation could be anymore accurate. Not only did I forget who I was and sign up for 15 units next semester, which includes math and history, ( in case you didn't know already, math and I don't get along..at all ) but my husband is leaving for bootcamp and there are so many unknowns in my future. I am contemplating my ability to actually start and finish 15 units. I know my intention was to keep myself busy while Eric is gone but I am the queen of burn out. I don't want to quit before I start, but I don't want to be forced to quit either. So the question I am facing is should I cut back on the units to ensure that I keep up the 4.0 for another semester or should I first attempt all these units and hope for the best? Some of me wants to pretend that I don't know myself, that I can actually follow through, and get through all these classes, but unfortunately I know myself too well and can only fear the worst. Burn out and dropped classes.
If only I could finally conquer the math class that has been haunting me for years...I would feel on top of the world...man I feel anxious just thinking about it.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
I can't remember the last time I saw the sun. But despite my plummeting seratonin and vitamin D levels I actually had a pretty good day yesterday. Not only did I finally get my new bike, completely assembled, and ready to ride, ( thanks Dad! ) but I also somehow convinced my husband to see a chick flick. I don't even know how I managed to do this. After a failed attempt to go to the bank and realizing it was already closed, we decided to use our movie passes we got for Christmas. We started out wanting to see Youth in Revolt but of course with our luck, it wasn't playing at any of the theaters we had free passes to. Then the "what movie do you want to see now?" question popped into play. According to time, and location we narrowed it down to two possible movies...Avatar, and Leap Year. Of course, I knew which one he wanted to see. Don't get me wrong, as much as I would love to see a glorified version of the smurfs, I was determined to get my way for once. I suppose his most recent movie selection of Bruno fueled my determination.
So the battle began, Avatar Vs. Leap Year.
Eric- You can see it with your friends.
Me- But I want to see it with you.
Score: Amber: 1 Eric: 0
Guilt Factor Bonus Point: +1
Eric - I just don't see the fun in seeing a chick flick in theaters. You should see a movie that you can get the full effect of by seeing it in a theater.
Me- But we were originally going to see Youth in Revolt...
Score: Amber: 1 Eric: 0
Eric- But chick flicks are just so cheesy, and predictable. You should be happy I don't like them because then I would be gay.
Me- So watching Bruno is somehow less gay? I saw more penis in that movie than I ever wanted to see in a lifetime.
Score: Amber: 1 Eric: 0
Total Score: Amber: 4 Eric: 0
I usually lose battles but this time I came out victorious! I didn't have a particularly large urge to see Leap Year, but so what? I had won. Since he was opposed to "looking gay" and buying tickets for such a chick flick he made me get the tickets. So I approached the ticket booth in all my glory "two for Leap Year."Yep, that's right sucka!
So was it just like every chick flick? Cheesy, and predictable? Yes, and yes. But that is the beauty of it and I loved every second. Life is not cheesy nor predictable enough and a movie containing these vital elements in a woman's life is a must.
About an hour and a half later, we both exited the movie theater smiling, and he admitted to it not being so bad after all. We finished the day off with a trip to the grocery store for some fresh ingredients for dinner. I ended up making a shepherds pie (vegetarian of course) with a variety of organic vegetables, and made cookies for dessert. You know it was a great day, when you wake up the next day still smiling.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Don't get me wrong, living in Marin was not all gum drops and rainbows. It had its ups and downs just like any other place. The grass is never greener on the other side and you can feel lonely in even the most ideal circumstances. I think what I miss the most is being self sufficient. I had a job, and not just a "job", but I worked at a place that I had a lot of respect for. The people were awesome and I was proud to work there. I miss the feeling that I am doing something purposeful. I think I smiled more at work than I did at home. Whether I was helping a customer, or stocking organic chips, I always felt I was playing an important role. Over the years it has been hard even getting a job due to being such a shy person, but this is the first job I had that not only told me it was okay to be quiet, but they embraced it and accepted me for who I was. I was a hard worker and that is what they looked at as being most important, and before I knew it, my shyness started to wear off.
When I look back and try and figure out why I miss Marin so much, the only conclusion I can come to is that it was the first place where I was on my own...for the most part. I had to work through my problems and try to find solutions (which were not always the best ) in my own way which helped me go through a sort of transformation and begin a journey to really discover who I am, or could become.
I still have a long journey of discovery ahead of me, but I am excited to look forward to that journey instead of looking back. But first, I will take one more quick look back...
Friday, January 8, 2010
My brother is no longer here.
Being sick most of the week.
Feeling like I am falling apart, and always having some sort of new pain while running.Who knew 23 would feel so old.
Having no job/ anticipating the birthday money to be gone very soon.
Doubting my ability to not get overwhelmed with a full school schedule.
Coming home to Jake chowing down on Jeffreys food...only to find an empty bag which I spent $20 of my birthday money on a few days prior. Only to have Eric laughing. Can I have $20 then please?
Smelling the consequences Jake was faced with for eating a whole bag of ferret food.
The overwhelming thought of cleaning up this place, and getting things packed to move.
Having so many unknowns this year.
Having no blog comments to read.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
On another note, I have been neglecting my other blog at www.amberhaas.com but hopefully I will get to writing something new either today or tomorrow so check back!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
I should be taking advantage of this down time by reading The Omnivores Dilemma which was a birthday gift from my brother. But it seems like every time I crack it open I lose my place trying to blow my nose, or find a comfortable position where my nose is not running onto the crisp new pages. I also have a tendency to want to fall asleep when lying or sitting down. Perhaps there is a down side to low blood pressure after all. ( just kidding ) However, the five pages that I have read so far have been fabulous.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
There is plenty of things that are on my mind right now that I would like to write about, but I think I will refrain from anything that requires any critical thinking. My brain is so foggy. Darn you Nyquil I hate you.
Well the bummer side of today is that my brother is at the Sacramento Airport right now about to fly back to Virginia. I wish he could just stay here forever. That would be nice. I can picture myself all movie style rushing to the airport and running down the terminal yelling "Stop! Don't go!" but unfortunately I took Nyquil and am in no condition to drive or run down airport terminals. Sorry brother. Next time I am chasing you down though.
Well I think I am done for now, I might write something really dumb... or probably already did.
Monday, January 4, 2010
So now that my birthday is over, I have quickly snapped back to the reality that not only am I sick, and it feels like I swallowed a cactus, but my brother is leaving early tomorrow morning to head back to Virginia. Whenever he comes to visit I always seem to forget that at some point he has to leave. I look forward to it for so long, and then as soon as he gets here time flies by. I hadn't seen him for a year, and I hope that I don't have to wait another year to see him again. I have not laughed this much within a 2 week span in such a long time.
Looking back, it also makes me wonder when my brother and I transitioned into where we are today. When did I stop being the annoying little sister who did everything in my power to anger him into smothering me with a pillow, locking me outside, or using his unusually tall stature to put me in high places I could not jump down from? I guess time and maturity may be responsible for where we are at today. Although whenever I slammed my face into the ground, or got hurt trying to be a boy, his brotherly love always peeked through, even if it was only for a few minutes. Maybe with all the time apart we found that we have more in common than we once believed. Or, maybe we just miss annoying the crap out of each other. Either way.. it has been a great two weeks. Love ya bro!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
It is strange to think back to when I was a kid, and how I thought 23 seemed so far away. The years seemed to have flown by. If I had all the years of my life stored on file, upon review, a sort of metamorphosis would be seen. It is crazy how much you can change over the years, but no matter what you will always have a part of you that stays the same. I was a highly competitive little tomboy who was always trying to keep up with my brother, and be like one of the boys. ( short haircut and all ) Yea, I pretty much lived half my life as a boy. I often times find myself wanting to erase these years and pretend they never existed but I still find myself taking pride in being able to out-run my husband, or just kick his ass in Mario Kart. My competitive nature has no limits. ( Is that bad? )
Looking back I probably didn't expect to be where I am today. Sometimes I wish to be more accomplished but I realize that I have accomplished many things. They may not be as apparent to others, but I feel them in my heart. There are many things left I would like to accomplish, and I hope to have many years left to accomplish them. I have a feeling that year 23 will be an adventurous one with many ups, and downs. There are many unknowns, but for now, I welcome year 23 with open arms.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
I will start with a little background about myself. I am 23 years old ( well as of tomorrow, happy birthday to me..yay ) I have been married for a year and a half, and have an undying love for running, nutrition, and fitness, which is a whole other blog you can read at www.amberhaas.com but for now if you would like to keep reading this one, I will continue on.
People often perceive me as the "quiet one", or the shy girl. Unfortunately for me, this label is entirely false. Only my closest friends and relatives see who I truly am, and the problem is that I fail to unlock this true side of me anywhere out of my little circle of friends and family, and sometimes even within them. I have been told on multiple occasions that I write way different than how I talk, or act. I have found this statement to be fairly true. But which is the best indication of the true me? My words? Or my actions? I believe both hold a certain truth to them, but I do believe that my writing holds a bigger part of who I really am. It allows me to show myself with a certain sense of protection. I can hide behind a computer screen, delete, cut, and edit. Obviously this can not be done in real life situations.
I was born with a sort of social retardation. I clam up in social situations, or avoid them all together. I know what to say, or how to act, but the problem is actually getting myself to play out my thoughts. Job interviews are a nightmare and I often come out thinking "if only they knew the real me" then maybe, I would get the job. I don't know if even "the real me" would be worthy of much, but at least it would be worth a try. So for now, here is my try. This will be the me that I wish I could show to the world. The "me" that has been suppressed for so many years. Enjoy.