Thursday, June 14, 2012

On Being Shy

Sometimes I am still awkward. Alright so...the majority of the time I am still awkward. I guess it depends on who I am with, but usually my awkwardness includes awkward laughter ( sometimes at inappropriate times ), selective mutism, or if I am actually able to spit out a few words it is completely off the wall. Welcome to my life.

I know, people say that being shy is not a bad thing, but it is to me. I hate it. Why? Because people seem to get the wrong impressions of me. They either think I am stuck up, or stupid. Well, one of those might be true... but trust me, if I was stuck up I wouldn't choose to portray it by not talking to you. I try to counter-act the stuck up judgement by smiling. But then I get more of the "I smile because I have no idea what is going on look." 

I guess you could say that I hate being shy so much that it actually gets me down sometimes... I mean, I kind of started this whole blog on the subject. I know that being shy could possibly "just be part of who I am." but I still don't think I really am a shy person. I have plenty to say, but for some reason I choose to not to speak. Maybe being shy is more of a defense mechanism for me than anything. Perhaps I am afraid to let people see who I really am. So what is it I am afraid they will see?

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Curdled Eggs and Tart Dough

Seems as if I have fallen off of the blog everyday in June wagon. Well, despite missing a few days I am going to keep on trekkin. I have been a bit busier than normal baking in the kitchen to prepare for my final exam tomorrow. Our practical exam consists of:

Tart dough
Pate a choux
Crème Anglaise
Pastry Cream

So in case you didn't know Tart dough means making a whole fresh berry tart with the pastry cream included. The Pate a Choux, Creme Anglaise, and Ganache all go together to form an Eclair.  Seems pretty easy right? Well.. yes, but there are so many things that could go disastrously wrong. I could measure any of these recipes wrong and doom myself from the beginning, I could under cook the Pate a Choux ( which makes them impossible to fill ), I can over cook my Pate a Choux and create a not so favorable texture,  I can over cook my custard causing the eggs to curdle, or I could temper it wrong and also cause the eggs to curdle. Time is also a factor so I have to make sure to make a plan and stick to it. My dough needs to be chilled, and my custards need to be set...timing, timing, timing.

I'm a little stressed out. 

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Passion. Food. Cooking. Love

Passion. Food. Cooking. Love.... these four words are some of the most important words in my vocabulary. While at crossfit today I discovered that not everyone has a love for food like I do. Surprise surprise. The owner of the crossfit gym I go to expressed his lack of love for food and eating. He said he doesn't necessarily "enjoy" eating and can just buy a steak, cook it, and eat it with nothing on it. Woah. Salt and pepper at least man. That is like... an unforgivable sin. You might as well just eat seitan.

I don't just love food, but I love the whole process behind it and the passion you can put into it. For me, I cook with the purpose of love. I know, that sounds cheesy as hell... ( mmm cheese.) but it's true. I love cooking for people I love, and I want people to feel the love through my food. I don't ever want the passion and love behind cooking to die for me. It makes me nervous when I have to remember the business side of food and cooking. I am taking a few classes this quarter that deal with running your own restaurant, managing employees, menu pricing...etc. It is scary to think that passion might one day be substituted for stress and money. I don't ever want my love for cooking to be just another business. I understand it comes with the occupation...otherwise I should of just become a housewife right? Well, lets not get too domestic. I love me some excitement and competition too.

It will be interesting to see where I will fit in the food world. People ask me all the time what I want to do with my culinary degree after I graduate. I know I want to start off in restaurants to gain experience and knowledge but I still haven't quite decided what I want to do after that. I can picture it...but I can't map out the steps yet. It is kind of a mind puzzle with missing pieces. All I know is that I want use my cooking skills towards something other than to feed my own ego. I want to help people. Yes, I know...that is what potential doctors say and we both know I am not that smart but really, I want food to be able to bring people together, help them reconnect to their food, know how it is grown, where it comes from, and how to cook it.

As you can probably see, food is more than something I enjoy eating. There is so much more meaning behind it. I suggest you find out what it means to you. Yep, that's right. Go cook something.

Seriously, stop thinking about how "inconvenient" cooking is and think about how convenient it is that you have something called a kitchen which is meant to be used.

Happy cooking!

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Subscription Addiction

 Today's topic for BEDJ is on Movies, TV, music...etc. etc...and I must say I think I have a subscription problem...Netflix, Hulu, Pandora, Spotify.... all such great ways to waste time and procrastinate. 

 Believe it or not I hardly have any patience for anything but documentaries.... they are the only thing that keeps my attention these days. I don't really know why that is... guess I am just not really into fictional characters or stories at the moment. I am kind of on a real life kick. My "personalized" Netflix suggestions suggest that I am a complete nerd...and I am not ashamed one bit. Netflix, you truly do know me. Although Netflix seems to know my taste in films these days Pandora still doesn't quite get the music right. They only make you believe for a minute that the channel you created will actually generate songs that are similar to the artist you created the channel for. Oh and be careful on what you thumbs up. One wrong thumbs up and you are going to hear Justin Bieber everyday for the rest of that channels life. Don't screw up your Pandora channel. Thumbs up at your own risk.

I am also a proud Hulu plus subscriber. I can watch TV without actually watching TV. Therefore, I can still qualify as one of those douche bags that says "I don't watch much TV" and pretend I don't have time, am to good for it, and don't know what is really going on in the world when in reality I just watch that shiz on my computer.

I have also gotten into Spotify lately, which is great because you can listen to whatever you want and don't have to thumbs up or thumb down anything The only risk is when you are listening to something that is your guilty pleasure and it ends up telling everyone on Facebook what you are listening to. Listen at your own risk, or turn on private session....then again I could be the only one who is ashamed of the music they listen to.

What are your guilty listening and watching pleasures? ( Keep it R rated please ) :P 

Monday, June 4, 2012

Better Late Than Never

I almost didn't get a blog post in today. I normally blog in the morning but had to finish up my homework which took longer than expected. I still didn't finish it until just now after getting home from class. Needless to say this post is pretty much a bunch of BS but for some reason you are still reading. Why are you reading this right now? Seriously, you must be trying to kill some serious time.

Still reading? Well, okay I guess I will tell you about my day. I had fun today... as I have been doing in class the past 10 weeks. Believe it or not I am actually starting to enjoy meeting new people. Culinary school definitely forces you to communicate at times I would usually chose to keep my mouth shut. I think the biggest thing I have learned lately is that people can really surprise you. Sometimes its not always a good surprise but when it is... its pretty awesome.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Dreaming Big

It is rare that I get the chance to feel completely comfortable in my own skin. I am feeling more and more comfortable with myself these days but there are still times when I forget that it's okay to be me and not care so much about what other people think. For whatever reason, for darn near my whole life, I have cared more about what others think of me than what I think of myself. Why would I care so much about what others think? It is my life right?

It is interesting to look at just how drastically my life has been affected by my "what do people think of me" paranoia. Not only has it affected me in my everyday life but it has prevented me from being okay with dreaming big. There are times I dream of things I want to do in my life...but then I leave it at just a dream. But does it have to stay a dream? What am I truly capable of? There are times that I choose not to express big dreams and goals with others in fear that they will think that I am in fact only dreaming, have my head stuck in the clouds, and need to come back down to reality. But what exactly is reality and why would I want to come back to it if it sucks? Sure everyone can use a reality check once in awhile but that doesn't mean you can't create realistic goals to pursue a dream.

So now for the scary part. Actually expressing my dreams verbally...or in this case in written form. What have I been dreaming about? Lately I have been thinking about what I want to do after I graduate from culinary school. What do I want to do, and where do I want to go? Since I feel like it can be accomplished I am going to call it a plan rather than a dream. So here is my plan:

Over spring break I got the opportunity to visit a little place called Washington D.C. you may or may not have heard of it.... I knew that it had an awesome food scene and I had been there once before on a day trip with my brother, but getting to experience it for a whole weeks worth of time not only led me to see just how much people in D.C. love their food but I fell in love with the city and culture. My "dream" or plan would be to move to D.C. after I graduate, and work in a few restaurants in the area to gain some experience... or maybe, I would get the chance to work or intern at D.C. Central kitchen. If I really want to get my head in the clouds I could dream of being a chef in the white house...but I think I will give myself a reality check on that one! I have lived on the West coast my whole life so it would be awesome to experience life on the East coast. So is this just a dream? Guess we will find out...but what isn't a dream is another trip to D.C. at the end of June. Watch out D.C. here I come.

Saturday, June 2, 2012


Blog everyday in #2 So apparently I was supposed to blog about food yesterday for the Food Friday theme but I had already posted for the day when this decision was made. Fail #1 and onto day #2. Blogging everyday used to be pretty easy for me. I almost did it for a whole year. I don't know how I did that... its not like I had anything exciting to blog about...nor do I now, but I think I made up for that year of blogging everyday by blogging only a handful of times this year. But hey less is more right? Especially when it comes to my mind vomit that used to be more regularly spewed onto this blog.

Speaking of vomit... for whatever reason, when I think of vomit I always follow it up with the thought of sawdust. This may seem even stranger than the norm, but I think it stems back from elementary school. When I was in elementary school and child vomited they would cover it in sawdust before cleaning it up. Is this like a thing? A secret to the cleaning of vomit? Or, is it like a religious thing? I went to a Christian school so you never know...maybe it was symbolic and they were covering it in "cross shavings." Maybe they saw puke as a sort of natural exorcism? Or maybe it was just left over shavings from Jesus's carpenter days. Whatever the reason, it will always stick in my mind. Every time I vomit I smell a hint of pine. Not that I vomit on a regular basis...

Anyways...moving away form the vomit talk. Since I haven't really posted in awhile I guess I could do a quick update on what I have been up to. This may be similar to a conversation you have with a friend you haven't seen in awhile...this is the part where you nod and smile, pretend that you are paying attention, and maybe even care a little. I will try and keep it short and sweet.

My life in a nutshell:
I go to culinary school, I run, I do Crossfit, I cook, I eat paleo. I will expand on this at a later time... I mean, I have the rest of June right?

Happy Saturday! 

Friday, June 1, 2012

Blog Everyday in June BEDJ

If you haven't noticed, or are new to my blog I have been a bit of a blogging rut lately.  ( when I say lately I mean for like the past year ) So what is better for a blogging rut than to make a commitment to blog everyday for a month? Well, it probably doesn't seem like the brightest idea but what can I say, I love to torture myself. I have a serious brain clog at the moment when it comes to blogging so I guess blogging everyday in June is my hopeful bottle of drano. Drano is some powerful stuff so who knows what will spill onto this blog in the next month. I may go uncensored. Watch out. ( I'm really not that exciting but I like to pretend I am ). Happy June everyone! For now check out some other BEDJ participants: