Tuesday, April 19, 2011

29 Days

There are 29 days left until I return back to the good old U.S.A. Which seems like a lot considering I mis-calculated (or mis-Googled because I am way too lazy to actually calculate anything ) the other day and thought I had only 26 days left to go...making today only 24. Nope. 29. Thanks a million Google for making me actually do math. I barely have enough energy to write this blog after having to figure out that equation.

Anyways... you might be wondering why I am returning to the States. Perhaps just for a visit? Well yes, if you consider a year a visit. Truth is I am not really sure how everything is going to pan out in the end because a lot of things tend to happen in a year but the plan so far is that I will be attending Culinary school and then return to Germany upon completion. Of course there are a few things that could weigh in on future plans. Those things would be the time frame in which I complete culinary school, jobs, money, etc. etc. you get the point.

So now to the big question that I get asked every time I discuss my newest life endeavor. What about your husband? Great question. He will be here, doing what he does now...except without me moping around
with nothing to do. I get it folks, a year is a long time, and yes I get that you probably think that I am being a selfish bitch for leaving...the weird thing is I am actually okay with that. Okay, so I am not %100 okay with that thought- considering through out this whole experience one of my biggest lessons learned is never to judge anyone without knowing what it is like to be in their shoes. I could go off on a huge tangent right now but I will spare you before this becomes a rant.

It seems like a rather bold and unnecessary move to make...leaving Germany and going to culinary school and all..but I guess you could describe it as an Eat Pray Love moment. You know...the moment where Elizabeth Gilbert gets up in the middle of the night and cries on the bathroom floor thinking how much she doesn't want to be living the life she is living? Alright, so it wasn't quite that dramatic. If I woke up in the middle of the night and laid on the bathroom floor crying I would find myself face first in a pair of dirty boxer briefs and I am not divorcing my husband or going to India. The concept of finding myself is a long the same lines however. I need to find myself, and I don't want to let my dreams just be dreams. Going to culinary school has been a dream of mine for a long time and I don't think I could live with myself if I never sought it out. Better now than when I am in my 30's barefoot and pregnant right? At least I am not abandoning any children.

Just so there is no confusion- I love Germany. It is beautiful here and I in no way, shape, or form, have any  problems with the country or the people. In fact, I made more German friends than I did with other American military spouses. All through the internet of course ( in true Amber fashion ). They were a great help in trying to get me acquainted with their country, and get me signed up for the marathon here that I have been training for..yet am leaving 3 days before. My real problem lies in the fact that I suck at being outgoing enough to really fit into this military community. I applied to jobs with no luck, and it doesn't help that a lot of the spouses have been here together for a few years now. I am the new kid in class. The weird one that no one wants to play with unless they are given some sort of incentive or forced by the teacher.

Although it is not in the best of circumstances I am really looking forward to finally getting to go to culinary school. I feel selfish for making such a huge decision as this, but at the same time I feel brave.

If you have never seen Eat Pray Love..check out this trailer. Then go see it.

8 comments:

  1. Amber...as I was reading your blog I didn't want it to end...I wanted more & more to read...like a good novel you can't put down. Just to let you know that as good as I know you, you don't have to worry about me judging you...I totally see thru your eyes. I want you to succeed. You are a driven person and I'm proud of you. I truly believe your year back will be a growing experience for you in many directions. I love you and always know that. I will always be there for you. Xoxoxox

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  2. Sister.
    I am stoked for you.
    Chase your dreams, and do it with people that share your vision.
    I love you, support you, and can't wait to benefit from your learnings in the world of culinary ;-)
    Thanks for being amazing.

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  3. As the saying goes, "To thine own self be true". The ggod thing today, while Eric will be there without you, you have instant communication with I'm or Skype to stay in touch daily. I know you will keep that contact strong. In the meantime you can achieve your goal and we look forward to being guinea pigs with your culinary expertise. Love you and am proud of you!

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  4. I think it's totally understandable that you want to pursue your own dreams. Hanging around Germany - and having that experience in a different country - is great and all, but I understand that you want to do something with your life. Why should you put your dreams on the backburner, just because your husband is in the military!?
    And coming out of a LDR, I can only say... it'll make you both grow!

    Also, I feel a little selfish to admit, but I am looking forward to meeting you in person! :)

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  5. I'm excited for you! I know being a part for a year is probably going to be hard on Eric and you at times. But a year away from each other is typical in military life. At least he's not being deported into a war zone, and you will still be able to be in contact whenever needed. I'm glad that you're getting to live out your dream for culinary school! You'll be so great at it, and I'm excited to see where it will take you next. Enjoy the journey :)

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  6. awesome! i think it's a great idea.

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  7. Girl, you do what you need to do. Even if it means you're a selfish bitch. Sometimes you have to be selfish or you'll go crazy.
    I'm excited for you!
    -hilah

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  8. I think this is AMAZING, Amber! Why should you put your dreams on hold just because you are married? I think if you have a dream and the desire to shoot for it, you should! And I am so inspired by the way you're going after this. :)

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