I have been trying to write a blog for going on 2 weeks now, maybe longer...I have written drafts, erased drafts, almost hit the publish button, and then left half-written drafts sitting with no intention of ever finishing them. The problem is not lack of things to write about...its that I have too much. There has been a lot going on and thinking of writing it all out is overwhelming. However, I have to start somewhere.
Despite my great attempts to write a beautifully thought out blog on all the latest in my life I made the decision to just get it out there no matter how ugly the end product was. So bear with me. It could be a bumpy ride.
Now where to start...
Good news or bad news first?
I was always a bad news first kind of girl so here it is:
I am getting a divorce.
That is the first time I have ever written out that sentence. It seems blunt, and to the point but why soften it up? It stings a bit. I never expected to be a 24 year old divorcee. Life throws some big obstacles but I never expected this one would come my way.
So what happened? Well, that is a long story that I am not really ready to tell. I want to tell it, but there are a few things stopping me. #1 My brain, #2 The situation ( no not the MTV situation ) In time, perhaps it will get easier to talk about, but for now I just can't find the right words. It is hard for me to express it, or even explain it-so for now I am leaving it at that.
The good news:
I have culinary school for a distraction and I am experiencing new things on a daily basis. I am slowly getting used to interacting with people and I can tell I am gaining a little bit of social confidence. I don't always find the need to keep my mouth shut, and in the chaos of the kitchen I am forced to open my mouth or get left behind. I experienced my first midterm last week, and although I felt like I was in a bad quickfire challenge on TopChef, I made it through unharmed.
I also find that although I am shy- that I am craving a sense of community or that I am happiest when I am around people. Of course I still like my alone time just like any other introvert, but I find myself longing for more friends and to meet new people. New people still terrify me, and I have to force myself to get out there but it is getting slightly easier and more gratifying.
One of the hardest things about a failed marriage is that you are suddenly left single with all of your friends getting married, married, or married with kids. Suddenly I feel lonely and left behind.
The world seems pretty overwhelming at the moment. I apologize for this post being all over the place.
Cheers to singlehood.