Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Life's Unexpected Obstacles

I have been trying to write a blog for going on 2 weeks now, maybe longer...I have written drafts, erased drafts, almost hit the publish button, and then left half-written drafts sitting with no intention of ever finishing them. The problem is not lack of things to write about...its that I have too much. There has been a lot going on and thinking of writing it all out is overwhelming. However, I have to start somewhere.

Despite my great attempts to write a beautifully thought out blog on all the latest in my life I made the decision to just get it out there no matter how ugly the end product was. So bear with me. It could be a bumpy ride.

Now where to start...

Good news or bad news first?

I was always a bad news first kind of girl so here it is:

I am getting a divorce.

That is the first time I have ever written out that sentence. It seems blunt, and to the point but why soften it up?  It stings a bit. I never expected to be a 24 year old divorcee. Life throws some big obstacles but I never expected this one would come my way.

So what happened? Well, that is a long story that I am not really ready to tell. I want to tell it, but there are a few things stopping me. #1 My brain, #2 The situation ( no not the MTV situation ) In time, perhaps it will get easier to talk about, but for now I just can't find the right words. It is hard for me to express it, or even explain it-so for now I am leaving it at that.

The good news:

I have culinary school for a distraction and I am experiencing new things on a daily basis. I am slowly getting used to interacting with people and I can tell I am gaining a little bit of social confidence. I don't always find the need to keep my mouth shut, and in the chaos of the kitchen I am forced to open my mouth or get left behind. I experienced my first midterm last week, and although I felt like I was in a bad quickfire challenge on TopChef, I made it through unharmed.

I also find that although I am shy- that I am craving a sense of community or that I am happiest when I am around people. Of course I still like my alone time just like any other introvert,  but I find myself longing for more friends and to meet new people. New people still terrify me, and I have to force myself to get out there but it is getting slightly easier and more gratifying.

One of the hardest things about a failed marriage is that you are suddenly left single with all of your friends getting married, married, or married with kids. Suddenly I feel lonely and left behind.

The world seems pretty overwhelming at the moment. I apologize for this post being all over the place.

Cheers to singlehood.


  1. I'm sorry about your divorce, that you have to go through that all. I'm happy that school is helping to distract you and give you a sense of community. *hugs*

  2. Oy. So sorry to hear the sad news portion of this post, but glad you're liking culinary school and have people around you to hopefully keep you cheery. I'm here if you ever need to talk/vent/email!

  3. Just remember not everyone is getting married or having kids...there area people just like you getting divorced and/or are unhappy but not doing anything about it. Just remember...you not alone. Love what culinary school is doing for you! Hugs!

  4. I'm really sorry to hear this Amber, but I'm so glad you're in culinary school and doing this awesome thing for yourself. We've all got your back.

  5. Oh, Amber. I'm just now reading this and I'm so sad for you. I'm so glad you have culinary school and finding your space there.

    I'm here if you need me, love. You're strong and amazing and you'll make it through this.

  6. I am so sorry to hear this. As I told you on Twitter, I had been a bit out of the loop and I am sorry that I "interrogated" you about the LDR (long distance relationship) until you confessed to me what you had already posted here on the blog :(
    My heart is breaking for you. Nobody ever expects to get a divorce, but it happens much more often than we would like it to happen... :(

    I know you'll be loved again. From what I can tell, that guy was an idiot for letting you go!

  7. I'm just catching up with your blog. My heart goes out to you, for what you must be feeling and going through at this time. I feel at a loss for words, but really, what else can one say?