Saturday, January 8, 2011

Sometimes I Feel Homesick

If you are living in the States and have always dreamed of a trip to Europe than you probably won't understand this post very well. Don't get me wrong, Germany is awesome. There are so many things to do, and so many things to see...but after awhile when simple everyday tasks become difficult because of the language barrier, or difference in culture, you start to miss the simplicity you used to have. Simple things like shopping, driving, finding and using a public toilet, getting internet under two months, and signing up for a marathon all become overly complicated and draining.

Yes, half of these simple tasks gone wrong are probably mostly due to my inability to be confident and get things done, but it feels horrible to have back-stepped so far into my shell. I have never completely broken out of my shell but I feel like I was able to reach a hand out before I left, and now I have completely sucked myself back in so far that I can't even see the opening.

I don't consider myself an independent person. I always seem to rely on someone for something but I have completely given up any independence I had. I can't even go on a full grocery shopping trip on my own.

I think I will stop before I turn this blog into an ongoing irrational sob story. Some days are better than other's. But there are days like today where I feel particularly homesick and I decide to spill whatever comes to mind. I have been on an emotional roller coater these past few months. Thanks for hanging on for the ride.


  1. It will get better, Amber. Just keep going. Be sure your first marathon will feel the same. There will be a point where it's incredibly hard. And then you need to keep pushing and it will get easier again.

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  3. Hi there Amber; yes I understand those little things that make it tough, and the big one like that language barrier. Think of how tough it must have been on the Tower of Babble when suddenly everyone was speaking a different tongue and no one could communicate.

    But wait, we can communicate by slowing down and thinking of our other communication skills. Pantomine, pointing to something we want and holding our money in our hand. We found German folks to be very honest and to take the right amount of cash, they were always gracious, and would stumble with English trying to communicate just as we stumbled with German. There was usually laughter on both sides, or a smile. After a while you will find a comfort zone. It may have to start with your running. So look up all of the words you would use in a conversation about running in Rosetta Stone, see if you can string a few words of German together. No one expects you to be a linguist overnight. Little by little it will get easier.

    I love you and miss you very much. Try to reach out in one area a week. Set a goal for yourself. Start with a coffee at Starbuck's, something easy, tall Americano bitte. Then say danka when you get it. Take little steps, just as you did when you first learned to talk.

  4. I can only imagine how you feel being all the way over there. After 2 years in a different state I still hate going places by myself. I had no problems going wherever I wanted alone in Texas, but in Oregon it's like I shut down if I need to run up to put gas in the car.

  5. Let's go for a run together. Tell me the day, time and distance. I convert the time over to mine and we'll go for a run together, even if we're thousands of miles apart.

  6. I can 100% relate. I LOVE Peru and it's culture. But omg...I get SO homesick sometimes. And the language barrier. Ugh. I feel like as soon as I get it down, something happens and I get stuck. Some days I would rather just stay home and do nothing than try to get out and understand Spanish.

    Push through it girl! There is a better day coming!

  7. I totally understand. I live in the States and I get the reverse homesickness for Germany. Maybe we should just trade our homesicknesses?? ;)