Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Summer Camp

I have been wanting to post a blog for a few days now, but have been at loss of what to write because  I have the same things on my mind. Some things I would rather not blog about, and then other things I have already blogged about. Such as being homesick, and being lost. I am still homesick, and perhaps even more lost.

I think my homesickness has reached a whole new level today. It's not just like a I miss mexican food, the English language, or driving a car, kind of's the I want to come home from summer camp kind of homesick. The kind that makes you a little sick to your stomach with a minor panic feeling of being eternally doomed to a whole summer with kids who think you have koodies.

I keep thinking about Saturday mornings at the Farmer's market, cooking a Saturday evening dinner, hanging out with my best friends and laughing so hard I almost pee myself. It has been so long since I have almost pee'd myself and that is not a good thing.

I know what you're thinking. Amber, you are in Europe. Explore, enjoy yourself, what is wrong with you? Well there are a lot of things wrong with me and one of them being that I am horrible at making friends. I can only enjoy so much on my own. Sharing a moment with someone else is half the fun. If that wasn't true then Twitter wouldn't exist. People want to share as many moments as they can with others. Whether they are significant moments, insignificant moments, or just thoughts...we tweet them, share them on Facebook, Instagram, or heaven forbid on Myspace.
The next question you are probably thinking: What about your husband? Well let me tell you. Weekends are splendid. I don't feel alone on weekends when Eric is off. We get to do things together and I love it. Unfortunately, the weekend is only 2 days out of the very long week.

Marathon training is a little bit of a distraction for me during the week, but I had a brief run in with some back/hip pain and the thought of having absolutely no distraction or anything to work toward crossed my mind and it terrified me. I wish I had something else to work towards as well, I just don't know what that would be. I don't have a whole lot to offer.


  1. To quote the great Josh sundquist: we should hang out sometime.

  2. I feel your pain, Amber. I do.
    Making new friends is hard. (If it makes you feel better - or worse? - I haven't made many friends here in CA yet either. If you're not going to school or something, it's hard to find people to hang out with.
    You should join a gym or attend a class. Maybe you can find people online in the area that you can get to know through email first? I really wish I knew somebody in your area that I could hook you up with.

  3. Cultural exchange packages? A little of home for you (well, Chicago) and a little of Deutschland for me?

  4. I'm so sad for you, Amber. :( I remember from VEDA who ALIKE we are and I can say I would probably be in the same boat if I was there. It has to be so hard.

    I could offer tons of suggestions, like a running group or a book club or something, but you have to be ready for it. I'm actually going to a book club on Friday night and I'm SCARED TO DEATH.

    Email me whenever you want! It's nice to know you have friends, even if they are halfway around the world. :)

  5. Homesickness is tough. I felt like that when I was in Vietnam. Fighting a war in a strange land where I didn't know the language. tramping through villages getting shot at and trying to communicate with people through sign language.

    I would think about things I liked at home, but wishing it wouldn't get me there. I also had to focus on where I was to stay alive. It was a long year. The Army kept me pretty busy most of the time. All we had were written letters to communicate with home, so it was hard.

    What you are going through is no different in the loneliness aspect and being away from things you are familiar with and enjoy. Since you will be there for a long time, you will have to try and find some of those enjoyments there. Perhaps you could volunteer at the base hospital or something to give you a purpose and also a chance to meet some guys or girls who are in trying to get well and homesick too. Your background in personal training might come in handy to help people recuperating from war injuries.

    Keep writing, keep a journal and write some of these feelings down. Blog to your hearts content. Put some pictures on Flickr and chat with people through photos.

    Love ya and yes I miss you too!

  6. I'm homesick, too. I haven't left the country, but the culture shock is still rolling over me whenever I leave the house. I'm TERRIBLE at making friends. I used to be so social in high school, but now I'm like this hermit that only leaves the house to go grocery shopping, and I have all of my non-marriage social interactions over the internet. I miss my three friends I had back home.

  7. Hi Amber,

    how about joining a running club? It's more fun to run with a group and you'll get to know other people. I was in France last year for 4 months. My French is pretty bad and I didn't understand very much. But I joined a triathlon club and got a few contacts.

    Are you doing a German course?