It was the usual Farmers market Saturday. Only I didn't cook today because my folks had a concert to attend. Tomorrow will be my usual Farmers market cooking day though. I did however, turn in my recipe and they said I should know by Wednesday if I win or not...um I already know the answer to that one and it is a definite no. I did have a bit of luck today but luck and skill or two different things and I don't normally have either.
Another thing I don't have is energy. I am not going to lie, I am tired today. I am also not going to lie and say that I have been getting up at 6:30-7:00am this whole week. It makes me feel like a slacker..and it also makes getting up at 4:00am a little bit harder on Saturdays. I am usually a little bit more tired on the weekends for whatever reason. Maybe it is because I feel disappointed at what I didn't accomplish and have let yet another week go by.
Sometimes I feel like I am letting life get away from me...like it is going to be over before I know it. Especially if I don't push myself to do something, and chase something I am passionate about. Which leads me to the subject of the possible internship I may have at a restaurant in town called Tsuda's. The head chef there is awesome. She has had over 30 years of experience cooking for all types of diets like Macrobiotic, veganism, vegetarian, Ayruveda, etc. Which is everything I am insanely interested in and eager to learn as much as I can. As excited as I am to learn and pursue this internship I am still afraid. Afraid of the unfamiliar environment, people, and how I will handle certain situations...and afraid that it will be yet another thing to dissolve due to my lack of social skills...which usually leads me into a deep hate for myself. The worst part is that no one really understands. So even when I do fail, there is no one to talk to about it because it is something that I was "supposed to grow out of" a long time ago, but unfortunately that didn't happen. In my heart, I feel big enough to conquer the world. But in my mind, I feel so small. What if I let fear get in the way of my passion?