Saturday, May 15, 2010

It’s Over

School is officially over. It’s summer time and it's time to party! Well my idea of partying is probably a little different than most. I will skip the drinking games for now and kick off my summer with a trip to the farmer’s market. I know, I live an exciting life don’t be jealous.

Sadly, a trip to the farmer’s market really is exciting to me. I am in the mood to cook and there is no better way to kick of the summer than with some fresh local produce. My parents picked up a copy of Placer County Real Food Cookbook last week and I think I will put it to good use.

Looking back at the last few months I think I have come to realize a few things. ( Prepare to be bored…my thoughts are taking over. ) Now that this semester is over, having taken a nutrition/cooking class, a PE class, and doing some personal training, I think I have found that I enjoy the nutrition and cooking part more than the personal training. Personal training proved to be a bit overwhelming for my socially retarded ways and I have always liked being more of a behind the scenes kind of person. So perhaps cooking would better fit me.

I have beat myself up for so many years for not being the outgoing person I always thought I should be. I pushed myself harder than ever these past few months to “break out of my shell”, only to fail miserably.  At what point do I stop and realize that I am how I am for a reason and embrace it? It isn’t an easy thing to embrace, especially when being quiet is frowned upon. It is almost as if people have a prejudice against quiet people.  I am automatically judged as being stuck up, rude, or just plain weird. (well that last judgment would be right. ) So how do you embrace something that is so frowned upon in society? I don’t think I am ready to do so yet, but I am growing more and more fond of the idea. I don’t know that I am ready to accept it yet.

I think the hardest thing for me to accept is the fact that I am not really quiet around people I am close to. I have a lot to say, and am a very passionate person when it comes to some things and it stings when I can’t express that verbally around people I am not so close to. It is almost a feeling of being trapped, not being able to be who you are, or being able to be your true self, or expressing how your really feel.

So what in the world does this have to do with cooking? Well, I found out through my cooking class that I was able to be more comfortable, and more outgoing when I am cooking. Not only verbally, but I was able to speak through my food, which is where I want to speak the loudest. Nutrition is one of my biggest passions, and it is something that can be spoken very loudly through cooking. It is kind of how artists speak through their art. Well cooking is my art…and then anything else that I can’t express spills out onto this blog. I am sorry you have to read my suppressed thoughts.

Well, I better get running. Happy Saturday!

1 comment:

  1. Quiet is okay Amber, I was in the same boat as you at your age. I had a few friends but preferred to go off on my own taking pictures of the desert in bloom or mountains covered with snow. I was not a party person and couldn't handle small talk well. You don't have to push it, you will find your space and comfort zone as you gain confidence with more life experiences. Enjoy the ride!