As predicted I survived another Friday class, but I didn't come out completely unscathed. I am still recovering from the adrenaline overflow. I had to go through 4 hours of head throbbing, and heart pounding hell. We spent the last two hours of class going row, by row, awaiting our turn to teach. My mind spent most of that time fixed on the clock hoping that my back row selection would save me from humiliation, and I know my fellow back row warriors were thinking the same thing. I was only 3 turns away when the clock struck 1:00 and it was time to leave. Saved by the bell..but I know next time I will not be so lucky. Sure, not everyone may think it is such a big deal but this is where my social retardation kicks in and for whatever reason my mind/body reacts in a "you are going to die" kind of way...which leaves me feeling exhausted when it is all over.
Although I was exhausted, I managed to find the courage to stop in at a local personal training studio called Guiding Fitness on the way home. I scored a chance to shadow the trainer who owns it so now I can get some hands on experience. She was really willing to teach me what she could, and even said that she will try to throw me some clients somewhere down the line to make me some money, and left me with some words of wisdom. “Try not to be so shy.” Damn, I thought I was being outgoing. She saw right through me, my cover was blown.
I finally got home at about 2:30 and after a pre-class run, and two straight hours of aerobics, I was famished. I ate pretty much everything in sight, and turned on the TV to watch Dr. Oz. Before I knew it I woke up to Oprah saying her goodbyes…it was 5:00. I had passed out for two whole hours. Oops. I never nap so this was out of the ordinary for me.
I spent the rest of my evening on the couch with Eric. We ended up popping popcorn and watching Paranormal Activity. Creepy movie…a little too creepy for Eric, but seeing him act like a little girl was especially entertaining. Good times :)
So readers, I am asking for your help. What is it that gives you your self confidence?
This isn't what you want to hear....but just jumping in head first and DOING IT. Each time will get a little easier, although you don't think so right now. The more times you are take the challenge and accepting helpful advice, the more confidence kicks in.
ReplyDeleteKnowing that I am my own person, and I have to make my own decisions.
ReplyDeleteFor me, it took me a while to realize that everyone wasn't as critical of me as I assumed they were in my mind. I remember growing up and assuming everyone thought a certain way, but I learned that was wrong very quickly. It's weird thinking that growing up you're supposed to act a certain way or quieter because it seems safer, but then realizing you can just go and be yourself is way easier. I'm proud of you, and go and just be you, like you were talking to someone that you've known for years. Make jokes that you would normally make, and just listen well and ask good questions. You'll gain their respect quick if you prove you're a responsive listener.
ReplyDeleteI love you sister.
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You're still shy, but you're trucking right along in that class. Pretty soon that class will be a memory and you'll be super proud of yourself for doing it. Enjoy it, feed off your nerves make it push you harder.
ReplyDelete