Ridding The Internet Stigma

It's the last day in August. Yep. August 31...which means that it is the last day of VEDA. I have posted my last VEDA video and whether vlogging stays in my life is still to be determined. I enjoyed VEDA because it helped me connect with other's, and it was a fun way of communicating...but I don't know if it would be the same without having that sense of communication. I got to meet some awesome people, it really was a great experience. An experience that my real life non-veda friends definitely don't get.

It is funny how strange your real friends look at you when you tell them you met up with people from the internet. First they think "wow that's not safe, they could of been fat hairy rapists." When you assure them otherwise they then think. "Wow you are so socially retarded that you had to meet friends on the internet". Well, yes. They got that one right. I did meet my husband that way..but they quickly forget that. Maybe my  purpose on this earth is to get rid of the stigma that meeting people on the internet is for loners and creepers.

Anyways, now that VEDA is over I need a new project. My blogging might improve...but no promises.

Since I have been blogging at night lately I have discovered that I have a lot of random thoughts pop into my head that don't really go anywhere. Thoughts such as:

Old people are good at telling stories because they are really bad listeners.

Sometimes I tweet in public bathrooms because I can't pee if I don't.

I just ate a lifetime supply of tortilla chips.

I like holding babies, even though I feel awkward.

I wish I was a good writer.

I wish I could just be myself all the time.

There is a lot more on my mind than I usually portray.

Well I am done for now.

Happy Tuesday!

Sugar, Emmy's, and Dreams

Remember yesterday when I talked about that sugar coma? Well, I was kind of joking but that coma was very real. I attempted to wake up for an hour and a half as I hit the snooze button every 10 minutes. I never even usually need an alarm to wake up, nor do I hit the snooze button. Who am I? I even sat up in attempt to drag myself out of bed only to find my head hitting the pillow. Yea..not an ideal morning. 

Anyways, my inability to wake could also have something to do with my late night Emmy viewing. I am not an award show junkie, or civilian fashion police, but there is something about the ambience of the whole ordeal that captivates me. I wonder what it would be like to actually be present at such an awards ceremony. I also like to wonder what it is like to be a writer for a show that wins an Emmy. Or even just a writer for a TV show. How awesome would it be to see your thoughts, and your words acted out on screen. I like to think that I would get there someday, but of course this is just a dream. A big dream. Maybe I could be the next Tina Fey? Or get lucky like Diablo Cody? Well considering the odds, probably not. But hey, I can dream right?

On another note, I finally got my military passport today which means that I am one step closer to getting to Germany. I am hoping it won't end up being the second half of eternity to get there. I would like to see my husband sometime soon. Preferably now. 

Happy Monday

Devil Brownies and The China Study

I should be blogging...but I am busy making brownies. I think I am going to go on a baking hiatus...perhaps only for a week. All this sugar is soooo not good for me.

Speaking of health and sugar I just downloaded a sample of this book called The China Study on my ipad. Here is a little bit about what this book is all about; The China Study details the connection between nutrition and heart disease, diabetes and cancer. The report also examines the source of nutritional confusion produced by powerful lobbies, government entities, and opportunistic scientists. The New York Times has recognized the study (China-Oxford-Cornell Diet and Health Project) as the “Grand Prix of epidemiology” and the “most comprehensive large study ever undertaken of the relationship between diet and the risk of developing disease.”
Exciting huh? I know. Well it is for me. I live for this stuff.

I have been on this alternative medicine/different nutrition perspectives lately. I have learned pretty much everything I can learn on the nutrition front so I am eating up all of the alternative research that has been done on it. It is all new to me and I love it...the crazy part is how much sense it all makes. ( more sense than I am probably making right now ).

So not only is this book amazing so far but it makes me feel amazingly guilty for eating a whole lotta these chocolaty devils down here...

Yea...I am pretty sure I feel like death now. A sugar hangover is in store for me tomorrow. I am swearing off all baked goods and added sugars for exactly one week. I think I can, I think I can.

Want one?

Salad Anyone?

Wow, since when did I stay up until 10:30? Probably since I spent way too much time editing this video...



Yea, dork right? Since I will never make it onto the Next Food Network Star I will just have to settle for making my own show. You Tube style hah...what do you think?

I Held a Baby

I held a baby today. Which probably adds up to be the third time in my entire life. My friend Ashley came over today for lunch and brought little Joseph Jr. with her. He is four weeks old so if she didn't bring him with her I might be a bit worried. He's such a good lil guy. Barely cry's, and Ashley never let's him out of her sight. Except to go to the bathroom that is…so in my arms, and out of her sight he went. 

So there I was, holding little Joe awkwardly in my arms. I was terrified and if you know me, babies and I go together about as good as pickles and peanut butter. But he greeted me with a fart and I knew we would get along just fine. I looked down at him sleeping so peacefully and content. Normally I don't know what to do with babies, or small children. I don't know whether to pet them, throw them a toy to fetch, or just make sure they don't hit their head on anything that has four corners. However, this time was different. I never knew that watching someone sleep could bring so much joy. As strange as it may sound, he had that baby smell to him. It's kind of like a new car smell…only it was the new baby smell. I remember when I was working at Good Earth no matter what we were in the middle of, if someone had a baby near by my boss would always stop and sniff the baby's head and say "ahhhh baby head! Babies heads smell so good!" Of course, I thought she was nuts…but turns out she was right. Babies do smell good, which considering the amount of poop they produce is quite surprising. 

So this baby holding led me to an "AHA" moment. It assured me that I can in fact hold a baby, enjoy it, and perhaps even be a good mom myself someday. That would be neat. For now, I can practice on little Joe Jr. Now to hold him while he is awake.

Ashley was also kind enough to join me in my vlog today, oh and little Joseph too. Here it is if you would like to watch.

Lonely

On an after dinner spare of the moment gluten free market trip ( yea I am thinking about giving it another go ). I suddenly had flashes of highschool memories flood my head. This time of year we would be counting down our last days of summer awaiting to start yet another year of "college prep" classes taught by teachers paid in nachos. Cheese not included.

Life is a lot different now. I still live in the same place…which is a bit unexpected and I have a legitimate reason, but my whole group of friends ( by group I mean 3 people ) have moved onto different aspects of their lives. It is weird how friendships just start to fade. There is no specific reason, or argument, but somehow you just seem to lose touch. How does that happen? How do we let it? Two of the three friends I still keep in touch with are married now (  I am too in case you missed that part ) and just had their first babies within weeks of each other. Weird right? Okay so I feel a little left out, but I will get there someday. Hopefully?

As you may know, or assume, having a baby is rather time consuming. I no longer get to see these friends very often and I am beginning to wonder if these friendships will also begin to fade. I miss having close friends. Friends you share everything with, always make time for, or have designated movie and cookie nights with. Yep those movie and cookie nights were real and they were fabulous. I miss those days.

You could probably guess that I am feeling a little lonely at the moment. I don't usually feel the sting of faded friendships so harshly, but my husband is gone and he is my best friend as well. I know, cry me a river, but I really miss him and the worst part is that there is nothing for me to do but sit and wait. I need a distraction. Any suggestions?

Hiding

I have been having a hard time focusing lately. I still have been blogging everyday but my posts are definitely lacking. I stare at a blank screen every morning only to be distracted by another thought or just cruising the internet for nothing in particular in order to procrastinate. Why can't I think of anything to write? Have I finally run out of things to express?

I was able to clear my head a bit this morning during my run and I have come to realize that I am hiding. My blog is supposed to be a place for me to let out my thoughts and a place to be honest whereas in real life I would only be able to keep them in my head. Lately I find myself holding back nearly as much as I do in real life. Everyday I hold my hands to my keyboard ready to type, but nothing happens. My hands don't want to move, and my mind doesn't want to think about the things that I should be blogging about. It isn't that I have nothing to blog about, it is that I have so much to blog about. 

I find myself afraid of what people reading my blog will think of me, whether I should blog a certain way, or stay on a certain topic. Should I really be writing something I wouldn't say? Is it wrong to be a completely different person in writing?I began to question myself, only to realize that I just want to be me. I want to be as honest as possible. I want people to know me for me, and not just the me I want them to see, but the whole package. Good or bad. Risky? Yes. But I am tired of hiding, holding back, and filtering things that maybe other's can relate to as well. I can't be alone right? 

My Own Domain

It has almost been 7 months since I started blogging everyday and alas, I now have my own domain. Perhaps you used it to read this blog. Pretty cool huh? Well to me it is. So from now on whenever you want to kill some time, or find a way to contribute to your already dull day all you have to do is go to everythingimnot.com
.
Happy Tuesday!

Blogger Meetup: A Short Synopsis

I wrote a good three blogs while I was internetless this weekend. It is now 9:30pm on Monday night, I just got home, and I have internet for the first time in four days. After re-reading all of the blogs I wrote I have decided that none of them are ones I want to post. Considering it is 9:30 and I am an old lady, my first instinct was to say screw it, just post it up so you can waste time cruising the internet until you pass out, but  unfortunately I am just not feelin any of them.

So what to blog instead. Well, yesterday I got the opportunity to meet some fellow vloggers/bloggers. I was lucky enough to meet Ashley, Nico, Tabitha, and Melissa. Of course, I was the quiet one of the group, but I was super stoked on the inside. Ashley was kind enough to pick me up from little Mexico ( Pico Rivera CA) and meet up with the rest of the group at Starbucks, where we talked...well I talked a little, and Vlogged....



then we went to BJ's for dinner where we played Uno and watched some impressive toothpick tricks performed by Nico and Melissa. All in all it was a great night. I still want to talk more on the subject but my eyes are starting to get as cloudy as my brain at the moment. So for now, I will leave you with the video and a synopsis of our day.

Happy Monday, and Happy Birthday Mom!

internet wanted

I really wish I had a real computer right now. I just experienced something I never thought I would. I got to meet fellow vloggers/bloggers. I want to save this post for when I have a real keyboard to type but at the same time I want it to be fresh in my memory. I kind of just want to Gush all over this page about how awesome the people I just met are....I think I will have bust out the macbook and write a real post and make you wait a day to read it. I know you will be waiting at your computers with anticipation like you do everyday...


Anyways...I'm going to go give my macbook some love. Happy Sunday!

Just Be

It's time for another thumb numbing, fun sucking blackberry blog. The crappy part is that I have actually been writing blogs but have failed to have time to finish them or have the internet to upload them. I have still been able to get a veda video up everyday though.

So it looks like the blogger meetup scheduled for tomorrow is pretty much official. I am overwhelmed with excitement but at the same time I am afraid to freeze up like a deer in the headlights upon meeting them. They have probably already heard me talk about how awkward I am when I meet new people but you know...if I could pick one time in my life not to be the quiet awkward person in the group then this would be it. I guess we will see what happens...but I really am excited. This is a whole new step for me. I'm really not an outgoing adventurous person but lately I have just felt this hunger to actually live life, relax, travel, and just be. Just be.

Well this old lady better get to bed and honestly I think my thumbs are going to fall off. Hope everyone had a good Saturday!

Blogger Meetup?

This blog will be short and sweet...or sour? Well, I am currently at Starbucks typing at lightening speed before my dad runs out of coffee...

So there are some meet-ups with other vloggers/bloggers in the brewing and I really am finding it hard to contain my excitement. I have never met a fellow blogger before. It is kind of strange to think that you have kind of been in their head....okay that sounds creepy. You like know them..but not really...

Welp old man's ready to go.

Happy Friday!

blackberry or bust

It's nearing the end of August and I feel like there is something missing...( besides my husband ). So what's missing? School. It is weird to not be waiting in anticipation for the fall semester to start. I am tempted to try and sign up for any sort of online class that I can just so that my brain doesn't turn to mush while I wait over here in the States..but so far most of them are closed.

I told myself that the next school I would be attending would be culinary school...which I still would like to do, but I wasn't expecting to be moving out of the country. So the question is...now what? I am looking into a few online schools but am wondering if I should just wait till I get to Germany. I think my brain might turn into mush by then though.

Well I think I will end this blog here. I am typing this on my blackberry as we go through the grapevine on our way down to so-cal. There are a few fellow bloggers/vloggers that are local down there and want to meet up on Sunday. Pretty sure that would be amazing but I am traveling with my parents so I am at their will. Oh to be 12 again. Ugh. I really want to meet them.

It will be quite an adventure getting up my daily vlog and blog this weekend. My grandparents don't habe internet so I have to make my way to starbucks or something to upload. Can I pull it off? We shall see.

Self Image

As you may know, I decided to participate in this little thing called VEDA ( vlog everyday in August ). I did it on a whim, I am not really sure what made me think...Hey this is something you should do, because as you know, I am not exactly miss outgoing. Well everyday there is a different suggested topic you can talk about and yesterday's topic was Self Image. I watched people pour their hearts out on YouTube and discovered that a lot of people share the same self image issues that I do. Of course being the procrastinator I am In order to avoid feeling vulnerable and expressing my thoughts on my self image I waited as long as I could to post my video...and this is what I came up with.



Well, seeing as this video is about me wishing I could talk, I realize that there is so much more I could of said. I also realize how much I still hold back on my blog as well. There is a wall that I have up and I want to take it down, but I don't feel ready to do so yet.

I am so different in my head...I have said it multiple times that I feel trapped in my head.

There is so much more I could blog about right now but it is almost time for this grandma to go to bed. Speaking of which I am about to go down to southern CA to see my grandparents possibly for the last time in four years...or sadly enough...them being grandparents and all it could possibly be the last time I will ever see them. Four years is a long time.

I want write more on the subject of self image, but that is part of that wall I still have up and it is stressing me out thinking about it. I will try agains someday.

Well happy Wednesday everyone. I hope I won't have to be blogging from my phone all weekend.

You Wish You Were This Cool

I am having a hard time blogging this morning. I don't really have anything for you. Well I suppose I do have things to blog about but nothing that I feel like blogging about.

So here is an awesome video instead.

Enjoy!




Now that's some pole dancing...

Blogger Block

I am once again doing an evening blog due to another morning baking session. I don't mind though, I enjoy baking and it is a great way to practice and have people kind of "judge" the end result. Now if I can only figure out how to do it for a job someday.

I am finding myself getting increasingly distracted while writing this blog because evening TV is way more interesting than morning TV. I am watching a show on A and E called Intervention. Talk about a downer...the sadness in the people's eyes is almost unbearable. The things that lead these people to their addiction, how they sustain their addiction, how their families to deal with it, it's so sad. All of it. It is even more discouraging when the intervention doesn't end up being such an intervention in the end. I don't know what is worse. Seeing the people flat out say no and not accept the help to get clean, or the people who pretend to go along with it only to fail miserably 1 week later.

Anyways, I am pretty sure I just spent an hour on the phone feeling like I was on a scavenger hunt for a seemingly non-existant dr. referral...long story but it pisses me off I will admit. Anyways I better go do my daily vlog.

Happy Meatless Monday!

The Next Food Network Star?

Alright so I have yet to blog today...but I have a good excuse. I have literally been making food since about 7am.

First I had to bake two baguettes...here is one..

Then I had to turn this into this...

Whipped Feta Cheese and Roasted Red Pepper Bruschetta

Then I had to turn this...

Big Ass Bag of Tomatoes

Into this...

Chilled Tomato Basil Soup with Creme Fraiche

I know, it doesn't seem like much but when you literally make everything it takes a long time. I am finally finished. I feel like I just competed in an episode of Iron Chef or in a Next Food Network Star Challenge ( I wish ).

Speaking of The Next Food Network Star. The finale is on tonight! A great way to relax and enjoy the night. I am predicting that Aarti will win, and I hope I am right because she is awesome and there is no one on Food Network that cooks Indian Food. If someone is going to win just to create yet another pasta dish I'm going to pissed. So go Aarti! 

Happy Sunday everyone! Watch The Next Food Network Star!

Tonights Menu

There is no way I got enough sleep last night, but oh what I am willing to do in order to get to the Farmer's Market. It's cooking day yay! Well, I cook other days too but it is my day to cook from the Placer County Real Food Cookbook. Saturday's are always my favorite day of the week and I am watching the Food Network to get me pumped up for tonights meal. So what is on the Menu?

Tonights Menu:

Edamame with Sea Salt
Slow Roasted 'Pork' Roast with Peppers ( I am probably going to use either tofu or a perhaps the other eggplant I have sitting in the fridge)
Mixed greens with fresh figs and walnuts with thyme honey vinaigrette
Fresh pink-eyed peas with 'Italian Sausage' (obviously I won't be using real sausage ) and Tomatoes

Happy Saturday!

Epic Fail

I don't really have anything to blog about today. I am an epic failure at my Go Girl quitting goal..but then again I guess I failed that yesterday. Don't judge me. I will continue to work on it, and then be forced to give up my precious pink can when I fly to Germany. 

On another note...<--um excuse me blogger but why do you keep changing my font? This is weird. 

It won't change back...and it is getting larger. Perhaps it is reminding me what an epic failure I am. 

Ahh, there we go. I think I have learned my lesson when it comes to publicly making goals that you are not ready to fulfill. It just makes you feel 100 times worse when you don't reach them. 

I would also like you to know that on August 15th it will be this special lady's birthday...

This is julia child in case you were wondering. She is no longer alive but I have been in her kitchen and the least I could do is wish her a happy birthday. She had such a huge impact in the culinary world. So in her honor and in my attempt to do something with my life, I am going to see if I can work up the courage to enter some cooking contests. More specifically the ones on www.food52.com. I cook enough, I should be able to at least enter a freaking contest right? 

I am afraid of failure though...obviously I know the chances of me winning anything or slim to none but I am already a failure for not trying. 

Do you know of any other cooking contests you think I should enter?

Happy Friday everyone!

Taking It Slow

Alright so I have decided that I am not ready for the quit Go Girl cold turkey adventure tomorrow. Why? Well I don't like coffee enough yet, and I am wondering if being forced to quit Go Girls via moving to Germany is not such a bad idea after all?  Ok maybe not but here is a bit more of my reasoning...

Here is the lovely 5 stages of change that some of you may be familiar with. I have discovered that as Friday continues to sneak up on me that I am not ready to quit because I am still in the contemplation/preparation stage. I know, way to go Amber you are once again a failure. 

Well yes and no...lets just say I need more time in the preparation phase. I need to perfect my coffee making skills and then train myself to like it. I am still in this little journey but I think I need to take it slow. 

On another note, I am going to my second pastel class today. We shall see how this turns out... 

Make It a Treat

2 Days and counting until this pink can leaves my morning routine. I am beginning to regret this decision...but I must succeed. Is it sad that this is such a big event for me?

Enough about my addiction... I have to admit that I can't wait until my blog everyday for a year goal is over. Not because I want to stop blogging, but because I am tired of putting out half-assed, no thought blogs. I blog everyday, but it seems that I only put real thought into about 1 blog per week. When I read other people's blogs I find their blogs to be so much more thought provoking, and meaningful because they didn't make a stupid goal to do it everyday.

I look forward to spending more time planning out blogs and to "make it a treat". ( Is it sad that I took this phrase from Sara Silverman to heart? ) I think that it is possible to put out good blogs everyday, just not from me because my life is not interesting enough, and I am too lazy to put out that much thought everyday.

Anywho, I can't believe it is already Wednesday!

Happy Wednesday everyone, your half way there.

3 Days to Doom

Only 3 days left until I quit my long time bad habit of Go Girl drinking. I'm not going to lie, I am nervous to let go of something that not only tastes good..but is such a huge part of my routine. I am a huge routine freak, and changing it up will be the hardest part. 

Lucky for you, you will get to follow me a long on this journey because I have decided that I will be vlogging along the way. I will need your support, that's for sure. I am really hoping I don't fail. I guess the important part is that I am giving up Go Girl's willingly and not by force. I mean, I could just wait until I move to Germany and have no other choice but to stop but I think it will be easier this way. 

Or not. Guess I will find out. 

I am kind of just brain farting this morning so I am going to end this blog here. For your sake. 

Happy Tuesday!

The Changes

Yesterday I blogged about upcoming changes. I guess I could of just told you yesterday what these "changes" were but I guess I was still playing with the option of backing out and hoping you wouldn't notice. Well I have come to the conclusion that I need accountability or there is no way this is going to work.

So what are these changes? Well after years of intestinal issues and lately waking up feeling like I have allergies with a stuffy/runny nose, and chest congestion. I have also been watching my running pace start to slow and it is super frustrating. 

So I have been doing a little research and have decided to make some dietary and lifestyle changes. Now what exactly are these changes? You may ask. Well, the other day I came across a website called My Crazy Sexy Life where I found some information on a little something called PH--and a PH diet. I encourage you to watch this short video so you can know what I am talking about and also so I don't have to write a book...( you better watch it or you will be lost for the rest of the post...just a warning ). 

Kind of interesting right? I thought so too, so I bought The Ultimate PH Solution and am currently reading it.  I am still looking at it with a bit of skepticism because it goes against some things that I have been taught in my many nutrition classes over the years. It also goes against a lot of what modern medicine would have you believe. How could it really be so simple? Well, I am not so sure it is, but let me remind you that Kris Karr was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer 6 years ago. It was in her liver, and her lungs and since changing her diet and lifestyle habits, her cancer has been stable and without any growth. <--this fact is the only thing that made me willing to give this PH theory a bit more thought. 

I plan to approach this diet still as a skeptic, but when modern medicine fails you, what else do you have to lose? 

So here is where my change comes in...I have decided that I am not going to make any quick drastic changes because then I would most definitely be setting myself up for failure. I am not going to drink green veggie juice for breakfast, stop cooking my veggies, Eat a raw vegan diet, or give up on slutty lady Starbucks...but there is one slut that I am going to say goodbye to and that is Go Girl. Yes, I know SHOCKER ( insert gasp here ). I think giving up Go Girls is my first and most drastic step. I know coffee is an acidic food and not part of the PH diet, but I see it as the lesser of the two evils..so I consider it a step in the right direction--for me at least. If you know me personally, you know just how drastic this step is. 

So the rest of what I am changing besides cutting out the slut in my life, will be more subtle. I already follow much of the PH diet by being a vegetarian. I don't eat a lot of processed foods, I don't eat meat, so I am just going to continue focusing on eating whole unprocessed food. I don't want to make it complicated, because I don't believe in making eating a complicated thing. Moderation and variety people! 

So you may be wondering when these changes will be taking affect, and I have chosen Friday August 13th. Why such an odd day? Well because after Thursday I have nothing going on and I will have the whole weekend to go through Go Girl withdrawals. ( sad I know ).  Also, I would like to finish up the book I am reading on PH balance, and would like to have a better meal/caffeine plan in place before I jump into failure. Oh and I have to procrastinate or I else I would just be lost. 

I have equipped myself with some PH testing strips to test my body's PH level and I am thinking about vlogging this whole experience. What do you think?

Changes Ahead

I might be making some changes soon...what kind of changes you may ask? Well you will have to wait and find out. Don't worry though, you won't have to wait too long. Give me another day or two and I will let you in on what these changes are. Let's just say this change takes a bit of research and I am still in the process of it.

For now though, I gotta get running!

Check back in tomorrow!

Lessons Learned

These past few days I have been having this "life is too short" mantra unwillingly playing in my head. I guess it is my sub-conscience trying to trick me out of being so anxious, or so intense with everything and I am feeling a sense of change happening.

I am trying to think of how to organize this blog but I have so many things going on in my head that even an outline seems impossible. So I will try for a list. Here are some things I am learning or am in the process of learning.

1. Pastel Drawing is fun, I thought it was too slow for me but then realized that I need something to help slow me down and not be so intense. Here is the result of my first class...

It didn't turn out as bad as I thought it would, and it was fun to be somewhat forced to break out of my mental struggle with art. 

2. Life is in fact very short

3. I have stumbled across a new way of eating and keeping your body healthy. A little thing called body PH which I find very intriguing and am enjoying learning about it, and ready to pick up some new eating habits. 

4. I need rest. I think I am going to start scheduling a "rest day" and force myself to take it. ( I am talking about running ). I have a hard time taking a complete day off, but I have a feeling my body will be a lot happier with a whole day to recover. Could be good for the mind as well. 

What are you learning at the moment?

Inspiration

Because of some recent events, I woke up feeling like I needed a little inspiration and ironically enough I stumbled upon a website of a person who has inspired me before, but even more so now than ever. Here is a little snidbit of inspiration. I suggest you subscribe to her YouTube Channel. Sit back, relax, and enjoy.

Pastel Hopeful

I finally heard from Eric yesterday. It was good to finally know what in the world was going on! Well, not much apparently but he is supposed to get internet today...so I am hoping that happens and I can talk to him more often.

On another note, I am headed off to a pastel class with my Dad today. I feel a bit behind considering he has been going to these classes for a year now and is Mr. Professional artist...and um quite frankly I am afraid of sucking. I hate sucking at things. I know..some things are just meant to suck at, but yea I hate it. I just did a vlog about things I am bad at, I have a feeling I am about to have something to add to the list.

Wish me luck?

Challenges

As the days continue to go by without hearing from my husband I am finding it harder and harder to think that he has a good reason. I am hoping he has a good reason for not calling me...he better. I found it kind of strange that I almost have this feeling of abandonment. I know, abandonment is a bit dramatic but I can't think of any other way to describe it. Last time I heard from him he was having a really good time. So of course, me being the insecure person I am...am feeling a bit forgotten. Perhaps it would help if I was actually staying busy, but I have no life really. The only things that can distract me from thinking about all this is cooking, baking bread, or fulfilling some sort of challenge.

I feel sort of lost right now. Normally around this time of year I would be getting ready for classes to start and look forward to completing tasks and seeing a finish line in the future. But now, there are no classes to get ready for and the only challenge/task I have these days is to blog and vlog everyday-- which blogging obviously doesn't distract me from much ( quite the opposite actually ). Vlogging has been a bit of a life saver for the moment because it's a challenge. It is a challenge for me in being out of my comfort zone, and also a challenge that involves doing it everyday for a month..so I see a finish line.

I guess what I have discovered is that I am normally not the greatest at completing things, but when it comes to challenges.. I love it. I love a challenge. SO in order to distract me while I wait here for my husband to call me, or until I can get to Germany I am going to need some more challenges. I am not completely sure what those challenges are...here are some challenge ideas I have thought of...some are dumb but would still be fun :)

1. Cook 1 recipe from each of my moms cookbooks
2. No driving for a month. ( I can ride with someone but otherwise would have to use my bike for transportation ).
3. Bake a different type of bread everyday (as I learn from my new bread book )
4. Follow the TRX workout plan exactly

Yea thats about all i've got for now.

Do you have any challenges for me?

Phone Calls

So I know today I said I was going to blog something that was long overdue. Well, I am experiencing that overwhelmed feeling and I can't think straight. It is a blog that requires a lot of thinking. I can think it out clearly in my head but it requires even more thinking of how to put it out there and express myself correctly. It is nothing huge.. I hate that I am building it up to be some sort of life changing "aha moment" or something because it is totally not.

Thinking about it..now that I have the whole vlog thing going on I might end up talking about it through video..not really sure yet though.

I think a lot of this overwhelmed feeling has to do with the fact that I have a lot of things on my mind as of this moment. I am feeling overwhelmed by a lot of different things. ( I am easily overwhelmed in case you didn't know ). I am even overwhelmed at how many times I just typed the word overwhelmed.

So what is on my mind right now-- I am wondering why my husband hasn't called me or made any contact with me for 3 days now..that is probably my #1 worry. Other worries: getting things done so that I can get to Germany, and being nervous about moving there. But really...mostly just that I haven't heard from my husband...I am pretty sure there are phones in Germany and you don't have to speak German to use them. He is on an rather large American army base too so I know they have internet...I am growing increasingly frustrated thinking about it so I will leave it at that.

Happy Tuesday?

Me? Vlog?

I can't believe it is already August. I think time speeds up once you hit your 20's because it seems to go by a lot faster than it did when I was younger. The days couldn't go by fast enough when I was in middle school and high school. I do see these fast forwarded days as being an advantage at this point in my life though because I would like it to seem that I get to join my husband in Germany at light speed.

So it's official, I am now a vlogger. ( Video blogger ). Yea I know, me? Video blog? Well believe it or not I shot my first vlog yesterday and let me tell you... I still feel minorly retarded. It is really weird talking to a camera and then posting it knowing people are going to see your face, hear your voice, and possibly listen to what you have to say. I guess my only saving grace is that I wasn't having to carry on a conversation and think of things to respond to without having time to think about it first. There is nothing more I suck at than carrying on a conversation. (Unless I know you ).

So today is VEDA day #2 and I will be shooting my second vlog. I will admit that it's quite a rush and it is kind of cool to be able to connect with people that way. I don't usually like connecting with people but I think vlogging still leaves me with just enough hiding space so that I am still capable of not completely freaking out. Maybe this whole experience will help me with my social retardation. I guess we will find out.

Well, that is enough blogging for today but if I were you I would come back tomorrow because I think I will be posting a blog that is long overdue.

Happy Monday!

OH, and it's Meatless Monday so sway away from cows and eat your veggies ;)

Pillow Companion

I finally found and excellent use for my ipad. Just in case you didn't know already, it is a great pillow companion. You can listen to music as you fall asleep without having to deal with ipod headphones stabbing you in the eardrum or getting the cord wrapped around your neck like an unborn fetus. It's great.

I happend to fall asleep to Coldplay last night. Whenever I hear a Coldplay song I automatically think of the Bay Area, and working at Good Earth. This could be half of the reason I love Coldplay so much. The best part about falling asleep to Coldplay is that I dreamt I was back in the bay area working at Good Earth. It was a great night and I didn't want to wake up. I will forever miss Marin County and working at Good Earth. Maybe one day I shall return...is it weird that I don't want to go back for a visit because then it will just make me miss it even more? Awhile ago my mom asked me if I would want to go for a drive down to Marin with her and my aunt who was visiting from Ventura at the time. I wanted to go so badly, but at the same time I knew I wouldn't want to leave. It would also be weird visiting Good Earth and not be an employee. I always felt so privileged to work there, and to walk in strictly as a customer only would be unthinkable. I don't think I could handle seeing someone else doing my job.

I think I have issues letting go. I should probably come to terms with the fact that I don't live or work in Marin anymore. Easier said than done. I really don't know why I have such weird attachment issues with this place. 

Anyways, today is the first day of VEDA (vlog every day in August ) and I am feeling my feet starting to get cold. I don't want to back out, because that would make me a failure and I have failed at enough things in my life. I wouldn't like to add anything else to the failed list. Oh and if you are waiting for my Vlog/youtube channel link to appear in grey link text than you are S.O.L. because I am not ready to advertise my ugly face on the blogosphere yet. 

So wish me luck with VEDA, I feel stupid already thinking about talking to a camera. 

On other news: I think I killed my sourdough starter but I successfully obtained a copy of The Bread Baker's Apprentice so I think there might be more successful starters in my future. ( I don't know why you care but hey this is my blog so suck it up and keep reading ). This blog is getting too long and you have probably stopped reading by now anyways..or at least skimmed down to this last line wondering when it was going to end. Well it is ending now, so you can get back to refreshing your facebook page or picking your nose...I suppose you could do these things simultaneously. 

Happy Sunday